Carving a Path
by Ladiladida
Summary: Sequel to Confluence. Richard/OC. Over two years ago competing powers separated them, but when Richard Harrow sees her again he realises the only thing that has changed is Nell herself.
1. Prologue

_**Author notes: So I'm back with the sequel to Confluence, it's a little bit odd this prologue so I apologise. Kind of tracking Richard's thoughts, he's in a weird place. Hope any previous readers of Confluence enjoy this fic just as much. Please comment, it makes me happy. (Also took into account events from 2.10)**_

**Prologue**

The car had struggled and juddered for a mile or so, the noise it made showed that it would not be able to take them as far as it needed to go. It was typical, the first time he'd been to Philadelphia in three months and this happens. Richard sat quietly in the back; Harris his driver, an associate of Jimmy's swore and hit the steering wheel with his hand. Richard didn't like him much; he was a tedious man and his hygiene left a lot to be desired.

"We ain't fucking goin' anywhere tonight!" The man growled, Richard looked out of the window across the fields and the open stretch of road still visible in the dimming night sky. He had no intention of staying here for any longer than he had to.

"Hmm. How far?"

"Maybe a couple o' miles."

"Hmm." Richard mused and he felt for the handle and opened the door. The dusk air was a little crisp but not freezing cold. He slung on his overcoat and he couldn't feel a bit of the wind except on his face.

"Where are ya goin'?" Harris wailed from the front seat. Richard didn't answer, he just set of walking. The longing for a bit of quiet and a bit of air was soon granted and with the address memorised in his head he would find his way there eventually. Long walks gave him time to think and though he didn't really like thinking it beat being stuck with Harris' moans and groans. There was something strangely symbolic as he made his way down the road towards Philadelphia, he was walking it's length alone as he did in life with his goal visible yet hazy in the distance.

It made sense for him to go to Philadelphia. Jimmy spent half the time under the influence and the rest with their mutual acquaintance Jenny. Though Jimmy was far more acquainted with her than Richard was. One thing was good about Jenny, she was the means of them not visiting Capone in Chicago as much as they once did. These days Jimmy needed a distraction, with Angela gone poor Tommy was left in Gillian's care and after taking his time finishing off Manny something was needed to fill the gap. First there was booze, then heroin then along came Jenny with her reddened lips and athletic hips.

So here Richard was, walking the road alone, taking the responsibility for creating this deal. He hoped he was up to the task, his negotiating skills had improved a little though he was still no communicator. One thing in his favour was that people often stated their case quickly for he somehow unnerved them, it was an upside he didn't always appreciate but it meant he got back quicker. But got back quicker for what? He had nothing.

Well not quite nothing, he had Jimmy and he had Violet. Well…. He had Violet on a Thursday evening, it had been that way for a while. As he walked up the road he pondered the small, raven haired woman he had been acquainted with now for some time. She was a friend of Jenny's though he had actually met her first and the attraction was strong enough that with a little push from Jimmy he sought her services.

Richard never intended to spend his life visiting a hooker once a week, he had always dreamed of something far more meaningful. It's depths were so deep and grand that Jimmy looked at him at times with deep concern and bafflement. Once Jimmy had had everything Richard wanted, now they were the same. In fact Jimmy had put it to Richard plainly one day over a glass of whisk.

"_Richard, you fuck a whore. You don't make love to them."_

These were the words of a post Angela world. When he had first met Jimmy in Chicago and he had explained about Pearl that was far from his sentiment. The way he had described her and the tragic way she took her own life had given Richard even more desire to show gratitude to Jimmy and so he agreed to kill Liam. But that was the past and for Richard it wasn't a nice place to live in.

When he returned tomorrow it would be only a few hours from Thursday and that was the light at the end of the tunnel. He just wondered if Violet even noticed how tightly he screwed his eye shut and how part of him was never quite present with her even though the physical release was earth shattering every time. Then his brain reminded him _'she probably doesn't even care, Richard.' _Suddenly he noticed how silent and dark it had got around him, he looked back and he could no longer say how far he had walked. That feeling of vulnerability crept in though it was not of the physical kind, but somewhere out of the corner of his mind a whisper crept out and spoke in a way that sounded like a presence was so near.

_And by the moon the reaper weary,_

_Piling sheaves in uplands airy,_

_Listening, whispers "'Tis the fairy_

_Lady of Shalott"._

Richard shook his head violently and stopped in the middle of the road, that voice and those memories could crawl back into that chest of bleaker, broken memories that continued to add to his misery. That was the past, the war was past, Wisconsin was past and so was Nell Byrne and they could all try and lead him to wrack and ruin but he would not break. He could not break. Jimmy needed him and he needed Jimmy.

A helpful distraction came by the rumbling of an engine coming from behind him. It was gradually getting nearer and with it came the brightening of two headlights. Richard stepped to the side and was expecting it to pass, but he found as it drew near it slowed and came to a complete stop beside him. A man opened the door and in the dull illumination he looked Richard up and down.

"Philly?" He asked.

"Hmm. Yes."

"Want a lift?"

"Hmm. Thank you."

The conversation was simple and to the point, just the way Richard liked dealing with strangers. He climbed in the passenger side and looked ahead. The man however put out his leather gloved hand and said.

"Truman Marshall."

"Hmm. Richard. Harrow."

"Pleasure to meet you." Marshall replied and he restarted the engine and they moved away, Richards mind went back to the stranded Harris somewhere on the road. Had this man passed him and ignored him? It seemed very likely and this made Richard all the more grateful he had stopped for him.

"Business or pleasure in Philly?" Marshall perked up again.

"Business. Hmm. Always. Business."


	2. Philadelphia

**Chapter One**

The speakeasy was a low ceilinged room converted from a basement and it was flooded with artificial light. Six or seven men were seated about and a lone pianist played a lazy tune in the background. There was a comfortable dinge about the place and as Richard entered down its low steps he didn't feel quite as nervous. The smoke floated in the air and its thickness was illuminated in a dusky glow. He had arrived in fairly good time to meet the associate and they were to meet again in the morning. Till then he was his own man, though he had no where to stay and nothing to hurry him. Yet as he reached the bottom of the stairs there was a man he recognised, the dark blue suit stylishly cut giving him away. Richard walked over, taking off his hat, holding it in both his hands and soon he stood before the man propped on a tall stool.

"Hmm. Mr Marshall."

"Richard." Truman replied, his voice showing a tipsy sense of pleasure and he put out his hand. "Glad you took up my offer."

The hand shake between the two was firm and genuine and Richard found that he quite liked his recent acquaintance after only a few hours. They had conversed in the car and after half an hour it had become easier and more fluid, the relaxed attitude of Truman being a fresh tonic to Richard. He realised in that short car journey how intense a lifestyle he had left behind in Atlantic City.

"I have. Hmm. No where. Else to be."

"But I imagined you may be tired and gone to your hotel."

"Hmm. I haven't. One." Richard explained. "We expected. Hmm. To drive back. Through the night."

"I see." Truman said ruefully as he little up a cigarette. "Well, we shall have to find somewhere for you."

Richard ordered himself a bourbon and Truman watched as he turned away and gulped it down, wiping his face with the back of his hand.

"Did that happen in the war?" Truman asked and he watched as Richard nodded his head. "I have a brother, a bit younger. Shrapnel in his leg and lost a hand. He is a brave man and he still dreams about it whilst I sleep peacefully."

"Hmm. Sometimes. It comes. Back to me. But I find. Other things. Hmm. Can prey on. My mind too."

"You gotta wife?"

"Hmm. No."

"How do you fancy comin' to a small gathering with me then?" Truman asked, Richard looked a little hesitant and his eyes dropped to his hands. Parties weren't his thing really, they were opportunities for those he knew to self indulge and act like Kings whilst he felt uneasy and isolated. "You don't have to look so worried, the only girls there belongs to the host."

Richard felt an inkling of trust with Marshall and he found himself following him out and being driven to a grand house nearby where the sound of music was faintly filling the air.

"This guy is kinda strange but I like him, known him a few years though it's been a long while since I've been back in Philly and seen him. His names Hardiman and he likes his parties. He's known for them and this thing is a drop in the ocean. He's had all sorts of people at them, he's got a touch of the gambler because he likes to balance tension from different corners. An' you gotta hand it to him because some how he gets it right." Truman explained as they walked through the double doors, the music immediately becoming a little louder. A well dressed man met them and inquired after their names, Marshall clarified all the details and they were shown in.

The room was large and painted a deep leaf green and fine oak panelled bookshelves covered one half of the entire wall. There were several chairs and sofa's of similar colours placed symmetrically in the centre of the room and seated upon them were men of various shapes and sizes. The smell of cigar smoke was pungent and the clinking off glasses and chattering voices seemed to play out rhythmically with the music. It seemed a pleasant atmosphere, Richard could sense the egos but he couldn't feel any bile in the room or mistrust.

It was here that a well dressed gentleman rose from a seat and walked towards them. He carried himself with great dignity though he was at Richard's guess around the sixty mark. His grey hair was smartly parted to the side and though his age was betrayed in the lines of his face, it was distinguished and regal. This was Alec Hardiman, his medium, slender frame approached them and the look his eye was one of eagerness.

"Truman!" He exclaimed shaking Marshall by the hand. "You're later than I expected."

"I was waiting on my friend here, Mr Richard Harrow. He's from Atlantic City."

"Thompson's playground aye?" Hardiman replied raising his eyebrow. "I've just done some business with that fella. It's good to meet you Richard, come in sit yourself down, have a drink."

Richard noticed Marshall seemed a little confused as they approached the table holding several decanters. Hardiman personally poured them both a drink and Marshall took the opportunity to ask what was clearly bursting on the tip of his tongue.

"Where are your girls?"

"Gone Truman, gone."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Marshall said gravely.

"You gotta a girl Richard?"

"Hmm. Of sorts." Richard replied humbly. "That is. Hmm. Not really."

"Well here's a piece of advice, get one that likes clothes because at least you know where your money's goin'." Hardiman joked. "No to be fair, Ruby cleared out a while ago. Harriet is on the coast. She'll be back soon."

Some of the men's conversations grew louder in volume as their drink intake increased. The cigar smoke seemed to thicken and linger and it was Hardiman who seemed to grow tired of it first.

"Let's go to my study." He suggested. "You too Richard."

Richard followed the two men to the adjoining room and as the door closed the noise was muffled behind the panelled door. Like the previous room, dark furnishings contrasted a block colour motif. Each man, glass in hand became seated in firm leather chairs and Richard managed to relax more. Hardiman watched as Richard drank his whisky and the gaze made Richard a little nervous.

"Do you come to Philadelphia much Richard?"

"Hmm. From time. To time."

"He works with a man named Darmody." Marshall explained and here Hardiman raised his eyebrows.

"Darmody, I've heard Nucky speak of him. He's not a popular boy is he?" Richard expected this knowledge to make him outstay his welcome, but instead Hardiman laughed a little. "It's good to see some loyalty about."

"He is. Hmm. My friend." Richard explained. "Whatever. His business."

"I like to think I am a good judge Richard and with you I can see loyalty. You don't get to my age unscathed without being able to spot it." Hardiman mused. "Don't let anyone put a price on it."

"He fought in the war." Marshall chipped in.

"Well I didn't suppose he got that mask at a fair." Hardiman joked but then he immediately apologised. Richard did not mind the joke, in fact such things rarely penetrated his steel these days. "So tell me Richard, does Darmody still peddle liquor?"

"Hmm. Yes."

"Well I may be able to do business with him."

"But hmm. I think. Nucky would. Disapprove." Richard warned him.

"I like to keep my options open and acquaintance wide, helps you see the spectrum of possibility."

Marshall and Hardiman began discussing business and Richard's eye was caught by several photos on a cabinet. He got up to fetch himself another drink so he could take a closer look. The frames were all set in silver and they were all of the same girl. Richard took this to be Harriet. She was a small, sharp featured girl with plump lips and a voluptuous figure, she was not astoundingly beautiful but there was something unusually striking about her. He contrasted her with Violet, cross referencing every feature and finding he appreciated both. Hardiman soon noticed his inspection of the photographs.

"That's my girl, took the others down." He called across. "Lucky devil to have someone so young."

Hardiman then left him to his perusal and Richard phased out the conversation going on behind him. He suddenly realised how tired he was, his legs were stiff and aching somewhat and his eyelid was heavy. He was used to late nights but this had been a very long day indeed. His two companions noticed his drooped frame and Hardiman murmured something to Marshall then he came across to where Richard stood.

"The pair of you are stayin' here tonight."

"Hmm. I wouldn't. Impose."

"You ain't." Hardiman said firmly. "Like I said I can sense people and I like you. Just as I like Marshall. And you look like you need a hell of a sleep."

Marshall called for one of Hardiman's servants and Richard was shown to a small but plush guest room. The awkwardness and surrealness of his sudden acquaintances were to be contemplated tomorrow for he was too tired to stand on ceremony. He took off as much as he needed to be comfortable, the mask the last to be peeled off and he climbed into the large, comfortable bed. His eye closed and the ache for rest over took him.

The night brought with it an odd dream, a dream that only a strange setting and vulnerability could allow. He seemed to feel a heavy tugging on his jacket sleeve and he turned around to see Elsa standing next to him, her face flush with mischief. She dragged him a little way by his sleeve and he realised they were on the Boardwalk. Elsa finally stopped and he followed her gaze to a woman stood by the railings looking out at the sea. But the trouble was people were passing to and fro and he couldn't tell who it was, yet the yearning ache of who he wished it to be hit him like a hammer blow. Elsa's grip loosened and she seemed to melt among the crowd, he could still see the woman as he tried to make his way through. She was almost in sight when he felt an arm slip through his and he turned and there stood Violet, her yellow dress blowing lightly in the breeze. Richard looked at her then back in the direction of the woman who still looked out to sea. For a reason he did not understand he allowed himself to be led away by Violet towards the heart of the city. But the worst part was he seemed to become incapable of looking back and that rush of regret shot him like spiked barb right into his stomach.

The lurch of the sensation made him wake and he found himself sat bolt upright in the dark breathing heavily. It had been over two years since he had seen that beloved little girl who had been his friend and not been frightened by him. But he had seen her face, his mind hadn't hidden her from his view, taunting him with the promise of her image. But he knew that lady waiting by the railings was Nell, yet even in a dream he could not get near her, she was the unattainable. Richard rubbed the perspiration from his face with his hand and he felt his heartbeat regulate. What cure was there for this? When would this stop? When would a day go by when her place in his heart would not creep out and make him reflect on its beauty? Richard hoped soon, yet a greater part of him hoped never. She was engrained on every part of him.


	3. A Lone Man

**Chapter 2**

Richard Harrow himself never expected to ever make an impression on anyone, certainly not these days. But two weeks after his visit to Philadelphia a message arrived for him that Truman Marshall was in the area and wished to see him. They met in the lobby of a hotel, Richard was glad Truman came down promptly as it made him nervous the way people who passed him looked upon him. The look itself was not new, but these particular people were from a more privileged world than he was used to these days and the contrast shamed him. But the appearance of a man in a sharp, double breasted suit conversing with him soon changed the looks from condescension and some horror tosurprise.

"Richard!" Truman said ecstatically, there was that same handshake again, firm and friendly. He ushered Richard into a downstairs bar. The pair sat opposite one another and Richard felt himself relax back into the chair though he still kept his back erect as he often did. Today he felt rather ancient inside, he had felt as though the heaviness he carried with him was the work of a century not twenty nine years.

"Hmm. I didn't. Expect. To see you here."

"You're an elusive man to track down, you must give me your address next time."

"I don't. Hmm. Have a. Life like. You."

"But you still have an address?" Marshall said ruefully. "And I can tell you something else, you made your way into the respect of Alec a lot quicker than I did."

Richard didn't answer, he just shook his head lightly and became a little embarrassed. He felt like no one really knew the real him because he didn't show it often. Those he did were gone one way or another and Jimmy well… Jimmy continued to misunderstand the precise nature of his wishes.

"Mr Hardiman. Hmm. Was very. Good to. Let me stay."

"Well that's part of the reason I came to find you, Alec is here in Atlantic City and he's invited us for a drink."

"Hmm. I'm not. In the mood. For a party."

"It's not a party. It is just you and I. He asked about tomorrow?"

"Hmm. I have. An appointment. Tomorrow."

Tomorrow was Thursday. Thursday was when Violet expected him.

"All evening?"

Richard looked a little reluctant to speak, his head moved slowly from side to side and his hands gripped together.

"Not. Hmm. All evening."

"What if I were to meet you outside here at say ten o'clock?" Truman asked.

"Hmm. I suppose."

"Then that's settled then."

"Hmm. Why…" Richard began but his hesitation got the better of him for a moment. The attention was unusual for him to experience; people usually needed him because of something to do with Jimmy, not for himself. "Hmm. Is Mr Hardiman. So keen to know. Me?"

"He likes you. As I said he is a strange man. After you'd gone to your room we sat up talking and he told me more about his girls."

"Hmm. Girls?"

"You know the girl whose picture you were looking at."

"Hmm. There was. Only one."

"I thought that unusual but then he got a tad loose tongued with his whisky and he told me he had picked up another one."

"Hmm. Fortunate man." Was Richard's only answer, he was always embittered by other men's fortune with an array of women when all he wanted was one to hold in his arms and love.

"He told me this new one completely consumes him."

"Hmm. What about. Harriet?"

"He adores Harriet, but I think she is some kind of object of beauty to observe, strange as she's not exactly breath taking. It would explain all the photographs. But it's the other one that revives him in bed. Poor fellow is getting old so I'm not surprised he can't keep two that way."

Richard had heard of arrangements where older gentlemen kept younger ladies as a means of rejuvenation, but to keep one merely to observe like some kind of butterfly seemed very strange to him. To have two women to serve two different purposes was odd to say the least. But who was Richard to judge, he knew so little of matters. The women he loved in different ways were no longer known to him.

"So, shall we meet tomorrow?" Truman asked, seeing Richard was a little sidetracked. "I hope you don't think I have a touch of the Judas about me, talking the way I do."

"Hmm. Ten o'clock?"

"On the dot." Truman laughed.

Twenty four hours later Richard laid semi dressed in an all too familiar room. The breath was coming back to him and there was a physical lightness in his body that could not quite be matched emotionally. Violet sat with her legs hanging off the edge of the bed, her shift collected at her waist and her full breasts still heaved and fell as she regulated her breathing. Richard watched as she reached over to the nightstand and lit a cigarette, blowing a thin ream of smoke into the air. Violet had particularly outdone herself this evening, he had felt especially tense today and she had a knack at unpicking the knots that made his eye flood with bright light and a large, throaty groan burst from his lips. But when reality returned and the truth of the arrangement became all too aware again it proved to be as painful as before.

"Hmm. Thank you." He murmured, she turned and smiled at him her slight overbite showing. Her hand came over and she brushed the hair back behind his ear as she inhaled her cigarette again.

"You feelin' alright sweetheart?" She asked.

Richard nodded his head; he was often quiet after their throws of passion as he was reflecting on their shallowness. Violet tried to show care in every way whilst he was here, but she likely did the same for all the others.

"Do you want another drink?" She asked.

"Hmm. I have. To leave."

"Oh?" She piqued, her eyebrows raising in surprise and the pools of her eyes seemed to glimmer with curiosity. There was never usually anywhere he had to be. "Out with Jimmy?"

"Hmm. No. A friend."

"A girl?" Richard shook his head. "Of course, I'm the only girl you know."

Violet leaned forward and gave him a light kiss, he could taste the smoke on her lips and her free hand pattered its way up his chest. It wasn't a deep kiss because of his mask, he still never took it off when with her because he couldn't believe any amount of money would be enough to make her agree in his true state. She was kind and from the moment he arrived she was always affectionate in the way her character allowed, but she wasn't what he wanted, she only offered something he was made to believe he needed. Moving inside her felt rapturous but it felt nothing like when…. No he would not remember that, that was a different time and place, even he considered himself different now.

Violet tried to help him dress but he preferred to do it himself so instead she remained close to him. His words appeared to have made her a little insecure, where would he be going that he would not tell her? Only a month ago Jenny had said Richard had asked Jimmy whether he should try and settle down with Violet, encourage her to give this up and just live with him. Violet hoped this was down to deep affection but though he was fond of her it was the ever crippling loneliness that induced the fleeting idea. Violet had lingered a little as he had closed the door behind him, the silence of the room concerned her after their writhes in ecstasy from the previous hour.

When Richard was sat with Alec and Truman again, it was in a sitting room in a suite of a hotel and his companions puffed merrily on cigars. The whisky flowed and the company was good, Alec and Richard finding mutual ground discussing an area of Wisconsin they were both familiar with. Richard found himself opening up a little about himself, explaining his parents were no longer living and about Emma and his friends brought their own pasts to join his own. But Richard was growing to see when Truman had something he wanted to say and his intuition knew the topic.

"So Alec, this new girl of yours… are you going to tell us a little bit more about her?"

"Truman, you sound incredibly ungallant. My "girl" as you put it is a beautiful young woman." Alec chided in a humorous manner. "You seem to want to uncover some secret."

"Well you've shrouded her in an air of mystery."

"I can show you her if you are so desperate to see, though you shall meet her when we make the big move." Richard cocked his head, not understanding quite what Hardiman meant and this was recognised by his host. "We're moving to Atlantic City, Mr Thompson has asked me to host some of my famous parties to help him romance some men into cooperating."

"You'll be envied with a girl on each arm." Truman added. "Is this new one beautiful?"

"Incredibly, she takes my breath away, but don't you imagine that gives you any chance with Harriet. I love my young women just the same, just in different ways." Alec explained.

"Hmm. You are. Fortunate." Richard spoke up and Alec nodded.

"They keep me young. But do not let Truman cause you to misunderstand me Richard, I am old and I have faults but I care very deeply about them both."

"You said you could show her to us?" Truman asked excitedly, rather like a child staring into a sweetshop. Richard was perplexed by Truman's eagerness, he seemed to take on a different facet whenever women were mentioned though he liked him a lot otherwise. Alec Hardiman rose and fetched an album from a nearby table.

"I had these done of her; I don't have them on display at her request so I carry them with me."

Alec opened the album and handed it to Richard, observing he seemed more likely to appreciate them. Truman got up and wandered over, leaning over the back of the chair. The first two were of Harriet who looked rather fetching in a simple gown. But turning the page soon opened a two leaf spread of a striking young woman with pale skin and dark hair.

Richard felt himself begin to shake all over as he stared down at the pictures, his eye searched over every feature in disbelief. It was Nell, she was dressed more in fashion and her hair was cut short to her shoulders but there was no mistake. He fought hard so Alec and Truman would not notice his emotional upheaval and he tried to look over them as an indifferent observer.

"My word Alec, she almost pales Harriet into insignificance." Truman gasped.

"You, Truman are a fool. Harriet is a wonderful woman and so devoted to me. Eleanor is more of a rare breed."

"Where did you find her?"

"I told you, Philadelphia." Alec laughed. "We became acquainted after I offered her a lift home."

"Hmm. That was. Very good. Of you." Richard spoke up finally, he worried if he remained silent they would suspect him.

"Eleanor has many things that obviously make her attractive, but her humility was what attracted me to her."

"Always the rescuer."

"Yes, I admit in the past I've picked up waifs and strays but this young woman is incredibly brave and now has the life someone else should have given her."

"Oh you can't tell us just that, details, details!" Truman begged through his laughter.

"I only need to say the name…. Harry Warren."

Truman's face lost its humour and he looked at Alec, Richard noted the seriousness of his expression.

"I'm sorry." Truman said at last. "That is not something to be laughed at."

"I believe we are all aware of that." Alec said and Richard found himself being looked at by both men. "Forgive me Mr Harrow, but I am aware that you may know my companion?"

"Hmm. Yes. I do." Richard faltered. "Though. It has been. A long. Time."

"You were very helpful in trying to protect her from Warren I understand?"

"Hmm. I obviously. Failed." Richard said flatly, the new information making him bubble internally even more, his stomach churned and was painful. "I thought. Hmm. She went. To New York."

"She did, briefly." Alec replied but here his information stopped and Richard took what he knew would be his last opportunity to memorise how she had changed and yet essentially looked just the same. Alec took the album from Richard's hands and returned it to the desk and when he took up his seat again the subject changed to business.

Richard was not quite the same after that, the one advantage of being known to be quiet meant Alec and Truman didn't take anything amiss when he added little to their conversation. Seeing her face again set a flush of emotion running through him that made him warm from head to toe. There was an ache that seemed to reappear within him and a bitter regret for things long past. The expression she wore in the pictures seemed calm and serene, yet there was a glint in the eye that he had seen once before. It was an emotion that had been captured so vividly by someone else. Upon returning home Richard took out his Bible and flicked to the pages where Angela's drawings had laid so long unlooked at. There was that same look, a strange look of sadness and weight that hung on Nell's beauty. Then the look had been caused by Warren and it appeared from what he had learned tonight that that man had only continued her suffering. But how?

Richard slammed the book shut and dropped it on the floor, what did it matter to him? Who was Nell Byrne to him now?

"_She's the woman you loved, the only woman."_ A deep voice spoke within him and with it came all the memories of happiness and acceptance of that period of time in Lydia Moss' home. Richard couldn't help but dwell on those memories and he did so into the early hours of the morning. When the sun came up Richard was asleep on his bed, memories becoming dreams and carrying him away to a world of possibility where he had not lost her. Where Nell Byrne was his and happy, not anyone else's, just his.


	4. The Girls

**Chapter Three**

A month later brought with it one of the gatherings Richard had heard so much about. Through him, Alec had brought in Jimmy to supply some of the liquor and as to the guest list it was an ambitious combination. Nucky and Alec had discussed who was to attend for a long time and when the night itself arrived it was believed Rothstein, Luciano and Lansky would be attending. Nucky had arranged some gambling in the backroom in order to entice Rothstein from New York but the rest was all down to Alec himself. Richard and Jimmy arrived a little late and the music from the party streamed out into the street from a live band and what once was a large, bare room was ablaze with ambience and crowded with people.

Chorus girls mingled in between dances, cigars were smoked and the drink flowed freely. The room was big enough to be aware of everyone but avoid them easily enough for most of the night. The suits were sharp, the hair was smart, everything about the night was cutting edge. Jimmy's face lit up with amazement and intensity as he surveyed the room and who was within it. Richard on the other hand was acutely aware he was about to be thrown back into the past.

"This guy was a great find, Richard." Jimmy said close to his ear as the music played in the background. The night was at a lively hour and people had begun to dance, it was not dominated by the watchful glances of the various factions. Lansky and Luciano took up a large table with some of their friends and were being entertained by some respectably dressed prostitutes. Rothstein was dominating the back rooms activities with Nucky looking on.

"Jenny will be pissed I didn't bring her." Jimmy continued as they found a corner of space.

"Hmm. I didn't. Mention it. To Violet." Richard said quietly, barely daring to say her name in case someone happened to hear it.

"There's always a next time."

Jimmy gulped down two bourbons and lit a cigarette, his eyes roaming the room and appreciating the look of two or three women. It wasn't so bad not bringing Jenny after all. For half an hour they were left with one another until Truman Marshall caught a glimpse of them and ducked his way through the crowd.

"Good to see you again Darmody." Truman said taking Jimmy's hand in a firm shake. "Thanks for all your help with this. He's done well hasn't he?"

"Where is he?" Jimmy asked.

"He's not made his entrance yet, I think the girls have been taking their time." Truman laughed.

"He should have broken their mirror, then they couldn't stare at it."

"Doesn't that make bad luck?"

"It doesn't look like this guy has any." Jimmy pointed out, his hand gesturing to their surroundings to make his point.

"No, you're right." Truman replied and then he moved closer to Richard. "You okay?"

"Hmm. Yes. It's an. Impressive. Achievement."

"That's Alec, in fact I think he's here."

Truman looked over the shoulders and heads of the crowd and saw the door nearby open and the band tailed off their music to announce his entrance. Alec Hardiman was dressed tip to toe in deep grey and the suit was the very definition of expensive. Beside him on each arm was a young woman, both very different in all but their sophisticated dress. Jimmy and Richard both moved forward with Marshall to observe the host better and it was there that Richard's breath caught painfully in his throat.

On Hardiman's left arm was Harriet whose curvaceous figure and frame could not be hidden by the bottle green dress with its bronze embellishments. Her lips were crimson; accentuating their plump pout but she did not look anything but elegant, there was nothing cheap or easy to obtain there. But it was the woman on the other arm who was Richard's only object of interest. The party could have been larger, louder and more obtrusive but it still would have paled into insignificance at the sight of her. At first she was not visible to him, but as Hardiman moved into a space and made some speech of welcome, Nell or rather Eleanor came into better view.

Those chocolate waves still shone brilliantly under the light of the room and they framed her slender face gracefully. Within her hair was a small flower comb, a simple contrast to Harriets pulled back hairstyle. Her dress was a simple cut, but the fabric was rich and moved with her like a skin. Then there were those deep eyes scanning over the room resting on nowhere in particular. Richard stepped a little to a side so that she would not see him; he was not quite ready for that yet. Hardiman made a move to the table that had been kept vacant for him and the entire room watched as he led 'his girls' regally to the spot. They were both refined with every movement and they clearly caused a stir in the room. The whispered comments of those about him found their way to Richard's ear but still he only watched Eleanor.

"He's done good for himself." Jimmy pointed out. "Certainly made the entrance he hoped for."

"Every man will be envious of him." Truman replied.

"Yet he only fucks one of them."

"That won't be for long, he'll seduce Harriet with the lifestyle sooner or later."

"The other girl, we knew her didn't we Richard?" Jimmy asked.

"Hmm. Yes. We protected. Her from. Warren."

"The nastiest fucking bastard that walked in Philly." Truman said, the bile evident in his voice. Richard's eye went to Jimmy's face but he saw his friend did not grow angry.

"A worse one killed my wife."

Truman wisely decided not to comment further on the character of men from Philadelphia but it didn't end the topic of the girls.

"Alec told me Harriet ran away from her father, he used to keep her inside and do nothin' but read the Bible morning, noon and night. And he picked Eleanor up after Warren threw her out, I've known kids play with toys for longer."

"Lucky that Hardiman had a white horse big enough for the both of them." Jimmy replied, his voice sounding good humoured the more he drank. He didn't appear nervous that he was in a room full of those who cared little for him. It was decided that they would go over and with Truman taking the lead, the three ventured to Alec's table.

"Thank god Marshall!" Alec said raising a glass. "You can help me keep the sycophants and doe eyed fools away from the girls!"

Nell was sat in the middle of the round table and her hands rested calmly on her lap with her bag. Her eyes swept over the three men who had just approached and her face softened to a friendly expression. But her gaze did not monopolise on Richard and she looked unphased by his presence. It was the contrary for him; he was fighting with himself not to stare at her, the feelings of long ago pouring out from where they had been held captive.

"Harriet, Eleanor. You know Truman of course and Eleanor I believe you already know Jimmy Darmody and Richard Harrow." Alec explained as the three men took up the spare seats, Richard's fatefully opposite Nell's so she was in his direct line of sight.

"It's very good to see you all again gentlemen." Eleanor replied, the lilt of her mother land still present in her voice.

"How do you like the party?" Harriet exclaimed as her eyes roamed over the three of them. "Alec has outdone himself."

"The best Atlantic City has seen in a while." Jimmy replied. "This place was a dying city."

"I don't think it was dead Jimmy, it just needed a little revitalising." Alec responded in the fashion of a true, humble diplomat. "But I think I can safely say our lateness paid off. These two took such a long time to get ready, but you got the affect you wanted ladies."

All of the table laughed except Richard and Nell, the latter's face however did form a smile that accentuated her beauty further. Richard remembered the times when that smile was directed at him, when he had done something to deserve it. But her smiles were reserved for someone else now, he wondered if Alec Hardiman knew how privileged he was.

"Alec is going to brave his rheumatism and dance with us both tonight aren't you!" Harriet explained. "I've been teaching Eleanor in the sitting room for weeks."

"I will, but I have to meet and greet for a while first. You should dance together, or I daresay Truman will oblige and perhaps Jimmy or Richard too if you ask them nicely enough."

Harriet offered a stunning smile towards the men and it gave her the appearance of innocence and eagerness of a fresh girl of sixteen though she was some years older. She looked unblemished and pretty whereas Nell held experience within the depth of her eyes that added mystery to her beauty. Richard appreciated that Alec at least took the care not to sully Harriet, not to spoil her promise like Warren did to Nell. He watched as Nell's own eyes were fixed upon her female companions and he saw a great deal of affection there. But then as her eyes moved to Alec his heart stung with jealousy and yearning.

Jimmy happened to notice he was being beckoned by an agitated Lansky and he got up and made his excuses. For the next twenty or so minutes the rest of the table talked over this and that, Richard even finding himself able to lighten his mood. Harriet was a good tonic, her brightness endearing and entertaining. Nell added plenty to the conversation making a joke or two about pulling Alec from his business and forcing him to get some sleep. One thing was clear, Nell held a lot of affection for Alec but the one thing Richard noticed was that her hands remained on her lap for the most part and there was a particular calm about her that suggested whatever she felt at any given time, she was not prone to run away with. She was not cold and she was not reserved, she merely looked wiser than her years and he admired her all the more.

Harriet finally got Truman up to dance and Alec moved away to circulate, this left the two of them alone at the table. Richard's heart beat vibrantly and he clasped his own hands on his lap so she would not see them shaking.

"It is very good to see you." She said softly, her eyes resting gently upon his face, their dark lashes framing them perfectly. "Are you well?"

"Hmm. Same old. Life." He replied.

"Jimmy looks well, how is his family?"

"Angela. Was hmm. Killed."

Nell's face dropped with sadness and he could tell from her eyes she was reflecting on the times she had spent with her. For a moment they were quiet but then Nell exhaled a heavy breath.

"She was a very kind woman."

"Hmm. She was. The best. She did. Not. Deserve it." Richard said, the conviction in his voice showing strong emotion.

"What about their son?"

"Jimmy's mother. Hmm. Cares for. Him." He explained and then plucked up the courage to take a risk. "What about Elsa?"

"She's in New York with her father."

Richard hoped she would say more, their acquaintance allowing her to speak more freely with him but the sentence was uttered as though the little girl was no more than a distant acquaintance. That spoke of only one thing, it clearly still gave her intense pain and so she distanced herself from it. She looked past Richard and he turned and followed her gaze, she was watching Harriet dancing with Truman. Harriet giggled but Richard noted she was not flirting or leading him on in anyway.

"I'm glad she has a proper partner." Nell began. "She doesn't have to lead now."

"Hmm. Had you. Not danced. Before?"

"Not for a long time and even then not particularly well. We do well together you know, we each make up for the other's shortcomings."

There was a deeper meaning to her words that Richard understood from the knowledge Truman had given, but he did not believe Nell meant for him to understand the depth of what she was saying. But he did, he was acutely aware and jealousy struck at him again.

"Are we likely to see you at a lot of these gatherings?"

"Hmm. It depends."

Nell looked at him square in the eye for a moment and it made him long to put out his hand and hope hers would rest upon it, if only to say that the past did not sit negatively between them. But he did not dare to and so they sat together in silence until Jimmy came and plucked Richard from her company.

The next time Richard saw her she was in the arms of Alec dancing to a slow melody. Though he noticed her hands only barely rested upon his arm and hand, offering the bare minimum of touch. Yet she smiled when they danced and he watched them talk quietly together, content with one another. She had changed, in the two years since he had last seen her she had become a quieter version of herself, what she now spoke gave no insight into what went on beneath her heavenly skin and even her eyes submerged the truth within their deep waters. How Richard would give the world to delve into the hidden parts of her and pull her out again, he would do so and tell her she was safe with him. But no, she was in the arms of another, the bed of another and bound up in her own thoughts. There was nothing for him there, his failure had cost him dear and now he was destined to watch it play out in front of him until he could bear to turn away for good.


	5. Dreams and Reality

_**Authors notes: Hope this is proving enjoyable, events will start to turn after this chapter. Thank you to those who commented, it keeps me going. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 4**

Richard spent the following three nights dreaming of her, the last being particularly tormenting. He seemed to awaken and find her body pressed up against his fully dressed, her face hovering so close over his. Those loving hazel eyes turned to a darker brown with desire as she looked at him, soothed him and drew him out from his apprehension. With the lightest touch those dexterous fingers prised the mask from his face. But there was no fear of removing it with her and when the scarred bare flesh was exposed she hovered over it again, placing a kiss or two down the side. Her hands moved to his shirt and she unfastened the first few buttons leaving an opening that allowed access to his throat. Nell traced the line of the healed ridges of scarred flesh on his face and neck, the slight tickle of her touch making him shiver a little under her. Nell closed any further distanced between them, her hands threading in his hair as she began kissing his jawline and his throat, neglecting his craving lips for now.

The sensuous feel of her lips seemed to pin Richard to the bed in a sweet struggle of bliss and he felt her fingers caress his scalp as found that point below his ear. He had never told anyone about that point and were he to he felt no lips but hers would ever make his body shiver when she touched it. Suddenly he became aware his hands were moving up her body from the hip, feeling the narrow waist and sides of her breasts through the fabric, remembering every inch of what was underneath. Richard was becoming so hot he thought he would combust, yet he was powerless under her touch and he exhaled desperately. This seemed to bring her back to his face and after looking at him a moment, her lips moved to his own and when they touched he seemed to regain his strength. His hands fisted the fabric and he pulled her too him in a breathless embrace, his lips kissing away her loss and helping her remember every moment they were together from before.

Here he would awaken, the dream went no further, but Richard would lie in bed disappointed and filled with need. He could easily go and find Violet more regularly and get the physical release out of his system, but the more he dwelt upon seeing Nell the less likely he imagined Violet could cure him. Warren didn't know what he had, the man had spent a few months pursuing Nell and then tired of her after a few more. Richard dreaded to think of her time with Warren, the scraps of information inferred the period was not a pleasant one. He pictured how Nell barely moved when she spoke, barely touched even the man she was currently closest too. At some point she had lost her intimacy, for he remembered the girl who touched his shoulder unconsciously when she tended his wounds. It was easy enough for him to recognise because he knew some of the signs, their experiences were vastly different yet events in his life had helped partially isolate him from others around him to. For a time she had been on her way to partially curing that, first with her kindness then with her love.

When the day came Richard lingered in his room for a while, the walls becoming a suffocating prison and at last they grew unbearable. It was around midday when he sent off for a walk on the sea front. He often walked up to the old Darmody house, Jimmy had moved out after Angela's death and even Richard struggled when remembering how he found the bodies of Angela and her lover. But it was like a pilgrimage of respect for Richard, it paid tribute to a friend to go for there were many times in that house were Angela had reached out to him even in only a small way. She was a light that had been snuffed out too early.

The Boardwalk was bustling with people, noise stemming from happiness and business filled the atmosphere and Richard casually observed families, couples and friends strolling about leisurely. He took a moment to stand by the railings and look out to sea, watching the barrel of the waves smoothly run onto the sands when a hand touched his shoulder. Turning around he beheld Harriet, she was more casually dressed but no less unusually striking. She looked a little more tinted by the sun today, a freckle or two coming out. Her face held a small smile and he noticed she was alone.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you." She asked in a friendly tone. "Do you remember me from the other night?"

"Hmm. Yes. Miss Harriet."

"You can drop the Miss, it's very polite of you though. Are you taking a walk?"

"Hmm. I was. What are. You. Doing?" Richard asked.

"I've been with Eleanor all morning on the beach. She likes to go early." _She always did_, Richard thought. "But she had gone into the sea and so she's gone home, I wanted to walk."

"Would you like me. Hmm. To see you. Back?"

"Oh no, I wouldn't put you out. But I saw you and I just thought I would say good afternoon."

"Hmm. I would. Be happy. To walk a little. With you." Richard said, surprising himself at the suggestion. She seemed a very nice girl and he wasn't sure he liked the idea of her walking alone when she may have become part of a famous trio in the city the last few days. Somebody would no doubt take advantage. Harriet watched as Richard offered her his arm and she took it with a pleasing smile. They began to stroll together, first in silence which to Richard's surprise not at all awkward but then she began to talk.

"I did not imagine there would be so many people here. I am glad we went early or perhaps we wouldn't have found space on the beach."

"Hmm. I too. Usually like to walk. Early."

"I am concerned I may brown a little too much in the sun, I got preoccupied it was such a lovely morning. The next thing I know Eleanor is stood there, damp from head to toe from sea bathing telling me I should find some shade."

"What. Hmm. Preoccupied you?" Richard asked.

"I just felt so at peace laid there, it's been a hectic few weeks and I suppose I just fell asleep." Harriet said cheerfully, exhaling a contented sigh. "Did you know Eleanor long when she lived here before?"

"Hmm. A month or two. She helped. Care for me. When I. Had an. Accident." Richard explained.

"That sounds very like her, she put me to bed the other night after the party. I had danced my feet off. I think she had to carry Alec too." Harriet laughed.

"How long. Hmm. Have you two. Known each other?"

"Alec met us both around the same time, so perhaps just under a year. I met her when Alec took us both shopping. She was living in a flat then, I was already living at Alec's suite in Philadelphia. Poor love wasn't well, so thin and pale but we've worked hard to get her back to strength."

"Hmm. What was. Wrong with her?" Richard asked, growing happier and more concerned by the minute at information on the woman he loved.

"Alec just said she as exhausted and I think she had a fever, he used to go and visit her a few times a week after he helped her home the first time. Love at first sight I suppose." Harriet said softly.

"Hmm. Perhaps."

"We are both very fond him, who wouldn't be? He is a kind and intelligent man, it's hard not to fall in love with him yourself. I thought I would be jealous because I'd be competing with her for his favour, but I don't. He wouldn't have to give me anything and I know Eleanor is constantly refusing offers of this gift or that gift from him. She loves him anyway."

"Hmm. Luck certainly. Seems in his. Favour." Richard commented, this earned him a look of kind scrutiny from Harriet. She perhaps realised how her comments were saddening Richard, though not for the reasons she believed.

"You seem like a man who has had to be very brave in the past, Richard." She remarked.

"It wasn't bravery. Hmm. It was the need. To survive."

"I still think that is brave. I have never known many honourable men and I would be glad to say I had met another. As to the rest of them I think… well perhaps I shouldn't say." She said and she pursed her lips and her eyes dipped to her feet, Richard noticed her cheeks flush a little.

"Hmm. Please… go on."

"Well I think there are a lot of men who bring women into a certain way of life… and I think…. I think it is their duty to stand by them if they do. Not let them succumb to the sorrow of it." She said pointedly and then a harsher tone came into her voice. "I'd like to strangle that man Warren. Alec would not do that to us, he doesn't."

Richard reflected on Harriet's words, she believed it was Warren who took Nell's virginity and then threw her out when he grew tired of her. How mistaken she was in the first part, Richard wanted to tell her that at least when Nell took that step it was of her own free will and she was loved. But what then? He had made no move himself to 'stand by her' as Harriet put it, if they had continued to be together what then? Would he have just lived with her and done work for Jimmy? That was no life, in a way, he was no better than Warren.

Harriet was now watching Richard, her face flushed with concern that she had embarrassed him.

"Forgive me, I can be a little too passionate at times."

"Hmm. Sometimes. We need. To get things. Off our. Chests."

"You are kind." She said, looking at him in a way that seemed to try and penetrate beneath the skin, she would not succeed though. They had walked some way together but Richard's eye was caught by a car driving parallel to them, it stopped and the door opened. At first Richard felt his senses heighten at the possibility of danger but he soon saw Alec Hardiman climb out. He walked steadily towards them and greeted them both with a laugh.

"I hope she hasn't taken you hostage Richard!" Alec joked, Harriet did not release her grip on Richard's arm as she laughed at his joke. Richard was pleased to see Alec again as more evidence of his care of Eleanor came to light, yet he still envied him for everything.

"We. Hmm. Met by chance."

"We've been walking, I wasn't ready to come back yet."

"Eleanor sent me out to fetch you, Mrs Rice has made us all a late lunch. Richard should you like to join us?" Alec asked.

"Hmm. I don't think…"

"Oh please come." Harriet asked, her sharp little eyes pleading with him in their youthful eagerness.

Richard wasn't prepared for this, it was one thing seeing Eleanor when he'd built up his resilience and compressed his feelings, but quite another to see her out of the blue. But he so longed to see her and just to talk to her would be a beam of light on this dark day. Better to see her though he did not have her, than to dream of her as though he did. At last he nodded and as they made their way to the car, Richard happened to look back to the bustling Boardwalk, desperate to be part of something.


	6. Truth and Darkness

_**A.N a Longer chapter here, enjoy!**_

**Chapter 5**

The night brought a cloudless, starry evening as the sky seemed to open up and let the moon shine in large, shimmering brilliance. They had travelled to a large house with some extended grounds on the outskirts of the city. An afternoon for Richard had become the evening and now as the hour grew a little later the gramophone was cranked up and the drink flowed freely. Hardiman persuaded Richard to stay for dinner, and then to stay the night, he seemed to really take to him and whatever else Richard felt, he was grateful not to be alone. Once dinner was concluded the girls went into the sitting room, but Richard joined Alec in his study for another drink. Alec was very merry, the good food and good whisky lubricating him into being even more jovial company. He had more than once said how he admired Richard and all those others who fought in a war they were not obliged to and how clearly he was a loyal friend. Richard deflected these compliments by casting his eyes downward humbly, but it did not stop Alec from uttering them. He even managed to make Richard laugh once or twice or break into a small smile several times. He couldn't help it, Richard was enjoying himself.

"It does surprise me Richard that you're not married." Alec said, his index fingers pressed together under his chin as he watched his younger friend who seemed to avoid his eye contact the moment the word 'married' was uttered.

"Hmm. I shouldn't. Think it. Difficult to see. Why." Richard replied quietly.

"Then perhaps there are a lot more foolish women than I thought."

"I don't. Hmm. Think I have. What it takes. To make. A woman. Happy."

"What about your happiness, doesn't that matter as well?" Alec asked.

"Hmm. Happiness. Is a tricky thing."

"My first love… the woman I nearly married, we were very happy and we didn't have much. Though I wasn't in this game then, I just worked in the ship yard as a clerk but we were saving up to get married and to move to New York. First we lived in a guest house pretending to be married then a grotty little place for a while after. It was far from ideal but those times in that little place were some of the happiest of my life." Alec explained and Richard considered the words affirming his own experiences in a small house two years previously.

"What. Hmm. happened. To her?"

"It came to an end as so many things do." Alec replied with a sigh, his mood not lowering but he grew more contemplative. "Now I need all this to keep two women happy."

"I know. Hmm. Harriet says. You do."

"That's kind of you to say Richard." Alec mused. "Of course both of them deserve to be happy, they've not had it easy, the men in their lives have not really been kind. I am trying to redress that I suppose, though many may argue I go the wrong way about it."

Richard wanted to agree with the last bit, but he found he couldn't. If Nell wasn't in the equation he would have admired the intention of Alec but here it made him conflicted. Yet this man offered Nell everything Richard felt she deserved, if only he could be the one to give her it.

"When you knew her before, Eleanor I mean… did she speak much of Luxor?"

"Hmm. Not a great deal."

"She is very private about her times there."

"I think. Hmm. Elsa meant the. World to her." Richard said, the little girls face coming into his mind.

"She did. It broke her heart what he did. I can only imagine how it broke the little girls too."

"He. Hmm. Separated them?"

"When all that trouble was going on she wrote to him for help, he chose to meet with Warren and they compromised. Luxor got his daughter back safe with him, Warren got Eleanor for himself. Neither considered what she would want and she had no other choice."

"No mother. Hmm. Could have. Loved Elsa. More. I did not. Hmm. Know exactly. What Luxor did. But. I am sorry. I was not there. Hmm. To help." Richard said in a low tone, regret evident in his voice. Alec looked kindly on him and poured him another drink.

"It was not your fault; it is only big men who imagine that their big decisions only affect them." Alec replied in a tone that showed wisdom and a little weary with the world. "Men like Luxor are only concerned with their own interests, men like Warren only with their own pleasures."

"Warren. Hmm. Kept her as. A mistress?"

"A very reluctant one. It took Eleanor a long time to be able to tell me even the bare bones but…. It seemed the first few months were tolerable aside from the separation but then she found out she was pregnant." The last part made Richard look up, he fought hard to keep the intense emotion from his face, Alec seeing his reaction nodded. "That is how I felt. The poor girl wouldn't want to father a child with a man who'd made a bargain for her like a crate of whisky…"

Richard's heart back flipped, its every drop of feeling going out to Eleanor in compassion and love. He thought perhaps having something to love would have been a tonic for all her disappointment but the fact this child was not present made him realise there was not a happy ending to this story.

"What happened. Hmm. To the baby?"

Alec seemed to find the next bit difficult, he took a deep gulp of whisky and hesitated before speaking, emotion clear in his tone.

"She was pregnant when I first met her you know… I won't ever forget that image of her struggling down the street, her eyes deep and heavy. He'd thrown her out and it was far from an amicable exit. Harry Warren is a proud man and he was very self satisfied when he succeeded in getting Eleanor, but Luxor seemed to know how he could come out on top…" Richard looked at Alec, not quite yet understand his meaning. Alec paused a second then looking Richard straight in the eye he continued. "She lasted four months with Warren; the doctor believed she was just under 5 months pregnant."

A feather could have knocked Richard down at this knowledge, his body wanted to physically lurch and a sickness and haziness overcame him. He fought through it enough for disguise but suddenly circumstances and events flew round in his mind. Alec seemed under the impression that during her time with Luxor he had seduced her and got her pregnant and upon discovering the truth Warren threw her out. But Richard knew better about Nell's almost business like relationship with Luxor, there had never been any romantic element. If anyone had to be the father of that baby, it could only be him. A lump seemed to develop in his throat and his body ran cold, Nell had been absconded from home and happiness, torn from what she cared for and thrown into the lion's den. From there life seemed only to deteriorate further and he dreaded to think what she had been put through.

"Hmm. Did she. Have the baby?" Richard asked trying to mask his own grasp of the reality.

"No. She lost it at 6 months. When I took her home a few weeks before I gave her my card and said should she ever need anything to send word to me. Her landlady found her collapsed on the floor and finding my card I think she presumed I was the one responsible. I came to the hospital and told her that I would do everything in my power to make life better for her from then on and I have tried. I'm too old for her and can't give her something's but I do love her very much."

Richard wasn't sure but he swore Alec wiped away a small tear that was creeping from the corner of his eye. As much as he wanted to discover further he did not wish to cause Alec anymore pain and the pursuit of the truth might lead to exposure. Nell had clearly allowed people to think certain things for her benefit and after all she'd been through he would not declare her false.

"Hmm. You are. A very. Good man. Alec." Richard said, meaning every word. His gratitude overtook his envy for now for Alec was the man who really saved Nell. These words seemed to rouse Alec from his descent into melancholy somewhat and he rubbed his hands together and stood up.

"The ladies will be wondering where we are."

Richard's heart was too full, how was he expected to endure her presence now when all he wanted was to get on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. Nothing had been his fault; it was the tragedy of fate but knowing more of her troubles made him want to make amends.

He managed to pass the rest of the evening well guarded; he answered questions and spoke in turn, his own veneer of calm surprising him. Nell was looking particularly disarming this evening, the days sea breeze having made her hair curl in natural waves and her cheeks were rosy. She looked more like the Nell of before. In relaxed company she drew her legs up onto her chair and crossed them at her side, at times Richard though he caught her looking at him in his peripheral vision but he was never sure. By the end of the night Alec was in better spirits and the company was good. Harriet excused herself first saying she took the longest to ready herself for bed. Richard was dismayed when Nell and Alec got up together; he sensed there was a twinge of desire in the older man's eyes. They bid Richard good night after showing him to his room a few doors down from their own.

Soon the house seemed quiet, but Richard was still all dressed except his jacket which lay on the bed next to him. Undressing had been surpassed by thoughts. He could have been a father, for a while he had a child. Is this how Jimmy felt when Angela had told him about Tommy? Part of him wanted to smile until he remembered that this child was lost. His thoughts went Nell, his child's beautiful, caring, overwhelming mother whom he loved as dearly now as he did then. Richard could not help picturing what a family they would have made, he with Elsa snuggled into his side and Nell with their baby, all huddled together as a family. Perhaps as she read or maybe he would have been happy enough to do it due to knowing he was not judged by them. Elsa would have been just like his own, he would have shown both of the children the world, walked with them through it. He would have held Nell, his wife close to him at night in bed and loved and supported her every day. It wouldn't have been easy, he would always have that part of him that drew him into blackness but there would be her to pull him out again. But all this would never happen; they had been robbed of it.

It was a sound that pulled Richard from these thoughts; it was the sounds of two lovers faintly in the distance. Richard had seen men and women giving way to one another in public at various parties Jimmy dragged him to and that had made him uncomfortable to say the least. But these sounds however faint made him feel sick and desolate, for it involved the woman he loved. How was he to stay in this room, it was unbearable, he had to get out.

Silently he opened and closed the door, quietly moving along the fashionably papered corridors and as he passed Hardiman's own door there was little mistaking the sounds of coupling coming from within. He liked Alec Hardiman, but Alec Hardiman was an aging man, not wholly a well man yet he had the one person Richard wanted. Now he was hearing the sounds of her end of the bargain, what she offered him in return for this life and it was unbearable. The heavy breathing and the murmured cries made him move by quickly and he made his way to the large sitting room. A lamp was still lit, but all was quiet and still. Richard sat down one of the large arm chairs and rubbed his face with his hands, the room was warm from a small fire so he did not miss his jacket.

Even at this late hour he hoped no one, not even a servant would come upon him dressed as he was. His tie had been removed and his shirt sleeves were rolled up to the elbow. For a while he looked into the flickering flames and he thought of how kind Harriet had been today, she had offered him constant companionship throughout and made him smile several times. From the corner of his eye he saw a shape pass the French doors and his head turned fully to look in the direction. He did not see the shape again but he knew something was outside. Walking towards the doors he glanced out into the night and the light the lamp reflected out onto the patio allowed him to see a figure whose back was to the house stood some metres away. Richard knew immediately it was Eleanor and he quietly pressed down the handle and opened the door. She turned at the noise and she saw him step out. Her hair was still in soft waves, though the colour looked almost ebony in the moonlight. She now wore a thicker jacket over her dress and in her hand she was nursing a large glass of whisky.

Richard walked so he was level with her though they stood a few steps apart, this was the first time he had been truly alone with her in just over two years. Eleanor had changed, she was not quite the Nell he remembered and yet in a way she seemed just the same. She was more cultivated in style now and her figure seemed thinner than before, then there was the hair that was once a silken wave down her back but now hung in a wavy, mid length bob. The entire elegance suited her but it only reminded him that she was a far cry from the fresh faced twenty two year old he had known. Richard was puzzled and relieved; he had thought her locked in an embrace with Alec in their bedroom.

'_But it's the other one that revives him in bed. Poor fellow is getting old so I'm not surprised he can't keep two that way.'_

Truman had got in wrong then, it was Harriet whom Alec spent his nights with. They had all assumed that because she did not have the same allure or level of beauty as Eleanor that she was therefore the shunned one. Alec seemed so completely entranced by every part of Eleanor that the conclusion had seemed obvious. Yet right now Alec Hardiman was in throws of passion with Harriet, whilst Eleanor took refuge outside. What kind of complicated world did she live in? After what he had heard from Alec tonight, he revered him even more, not many men would allow a woman to live under his roof and in his affections without something in return. But then his own experience of Nell was that she gave him so much happiness long before she offered him her body. As he observed Eleanor's face she didn't seem upset or angry, in fact she did not seem in any way affected by what was going on inside. Her face looked serene with calm, if a little otherworldly in the dim light.

"I have not quite unwound enough to sleep." She said in a normal tone, it did not seem awkward or painful to her to talk to him in any other way. Richard was glad and he strangely enjoyed that they seemed encased in the darkness, almost like they were the only two people in the world. Eleanor was so close to him that he longed to reach and touch her or speak to her about what he was thinking. But they could not bring up past events however much he should like to, he didn't dare. She took a long sip of her whisky and then she offered him the glass.

Richard took it from her and hiding his face from her as he gulped back a small amount awkwardly and then wiped his mouth. He could feel her eyes on him and he realised today may be the first time she had seen him drink. The whisky helped still the slight shiver the cold night air tried to induce and he passed the glass back to her.

"Hmm. Thank you." He replied.

"Have you seen your sister?" She asked.

"Hmm. We write. She has. Hmm. More to say. Than me."

"I suppose the great matters of James Darmody aren't the kind of things you'd put in a letter." She said with a light laugh and its sound made him feel a little more at ease.

"It's. Hmm. Cold out here. You should. Be inside."

"That's sweet of you but I'm alright here for the moment."

"Is there. Hmm. Something. On your. Mind?" He asked, hoping she might give some hint as to how she was feeling at the moment, he longed for her to give him a sign of her former self. She searched his face and then smiled.

"You have become aware of an arrangement that's taking place as we speak."

Richard looked down, a little embarrassed that she had seen through him and a little reluctant at the reference to the lovers inside. He felt her take a step nearer to him and she waited for him to look up again.

"It's alright." She said. "I'm aware of it all. The arrangement is a little odd but I find I like it."

Richard still did not speak, his eye now focused on her hands that held the glass. Once they had shown signs of wear and hard work, now they looked smoother and the skin softer. He found her words perplexing, he wasn't sure he could bear such an arrangement but then after everything that had happened it perhaps provided her with some peace. Richard feared discussing it would continue this shell that she wore, he wanted to speak to the Nell he knew.

"Hmm. Do you. Still read. Often?" He asked, his voice finding more confidence. Nell looked at him and he watched her face turn to a small smile.

"I try to, though not the same things as before."

"I. Hmm. Have started. Reading. Sometimes. I think. It was you. That made me. Consider. Doing it again."

"Well, I appear to have my uses then." She joked as she moved even nearer to him, one arm hugging herself for warmth. "It took me a while to get back into it. I found other things were on my mind.

"Hmm. I'm sorry about…." Here he paused a second and he quickly changed what he wanted to say. "About. Elsa."

A brief look of pain flooded her eyes when the young girls name was mentioned but it soon dissipated again. But the look spoke of the love that she clearly still held for her 'daughter' and for Richard it was both a painful and beautiful sight.

"When I was back in New York I got thinking a lot about Betty and it was hard, I kept wanting to see her in all the haunts we shared."

"Hmm. How did. She die?"

"She was shot along with one of Charlie's drivers. When it happened it seemed like everyone we knew was holding their breath. It was very clear he really did care for Betty and whoever took her out of the picture knew there would be a backlash. I understand they found the man who did it, I dread to think what Charlie had done to him…"

Richard could quite easily imagine, it was a sight he'd seen or executed himself plenty of times and he imagined she had guessed that too. What surprised him was how she could say the name of this man so calmly, the man who was one of the responsible parties for her misery.

"Hmm. You must. Have been. Very sad."

"I'm not the first to have people close to me gunned down." Eleanor sighed and she hardened a little bit. "She was a beautiful person and she knew what possible price being with him would be."

Then feeling Richard wince beside her the hardness melted away and she seemed to yield to the softer side he remembered. Her hand came out though it did not touch his arm and he looked into her face which was flushed with remorse.

"Forgive me, I am prone to harsh words sometimes. Angela was your friend, that was very insensitive of me."

"Hmm. It's alright. I found. Her death. Difficult. But. I shouldn't have. Because of the war." Richard said, sounding almost ashamed of his feelings towards Angela. Here he felt Nell's hand rest lightly on his arm and she took a step nearer, her proximity now so close to him he found it hard to breath.

"Don't be sorry that you do. Certainly not to me." She said quietly, her voice soothing his anxiety but he found her hand left his arm again too soon for his liking. They stood in silence for a while looking at the moon and stars though Richard used the light to take in her own features. She looked tired, not from a lack of sleep but from life itself, he had seen that fatigue once before and he had seen it start to vanish. But now it had returned and it subtly hung on her features only to be noticed by those that really knew her, those who looked beyond her beauty and into her heart and mind.

"Thou fair-hair'd angel of the evening, now, whilst the sun rests on the mountains, light thy bright torch of love; thy radiant crown put on, and smile upon our evening bed! Smile on our loves, and while thou drawest the blue curtains of the sky, scatter thy silver dew on every flower that shuts its sweet eyes in timely sleep." She said quietly and Richard found himself fully looking at her as she quoted the beautiful words, every one making him long to kiss her gently under this wonderful night sky and warm her from the chill. At times his desire for her was intense and overwhelming, but now he was touched with that soft side of his love that he so wanted to share with her.

He wanted her to be his wife, he did not have the time to offer that before but neither did he make it clear that he wanted her beyond the days they spent together. But that was long past and looking at her now in all her brilliance he realised if he could not have her as that, then he would settle so long as they could capture these fleeting moments together. These moments that reminded him that the past bound them together in some strange way and that he would love her for a long while yet. Suddenly the past events he had learned tonight were to be saved for another time, he would not break the magic of this moment for anything.

"Hmm. That is. Beautiful." He remarked, her eyes moved to his face and she smiled.

"It's William Blake. I often find myself looking up at the sky and it comes to me. It makes me wonder who else in the world is looking up as I am."

The rest of their cocooned moment was suspended in a contented silence as they stood side by side. When Richard returned to his room the fires of passion from before had expired and the house was now silent with sleep. As he himself slipped between the covers he was lulled into slumber by the memory of her voice reciting that verse and the world was a little less black than before.

_**A.N The poem is To the Evening Star by William Blake.**_


	7. A Friend

**Chapter Six**

It was two hours after Richard and Nell had parted ways and gone to bed that the entire house had been awakened by her shouting. Richard sat bolt upright in bed on high alert and soon his feet touched the floor as he readied himself for action. He could hear the sound of crying coming from a few doors down and footsteps heading in its direction. Richard opened the door and looked down the corridor, Harriet who was blindly walking almost crashed into him.

"Oh Richard!" She stuttered. "I didn't see you, I'm sorry."

"Hmm. What's happened?"

"It's Eleanor. Sorry. This happens sometimes. Go back to sleep. Alec will sort her out."

"She is. Hmm. Ill?" Richard asked, not wanting to return to his room but wanting to go in there and offer comfort and care to Nell. Harriet looked a little distracted, behind them the ajar door gave away a scene of crying that was being soothed by Alec. It sounded almost like a child being soothed by a parent.

"No. She has bad nights sometimes, that's all." Harriet replied. "Please, go back to your room. We can't do anything more for her than he is able to."

Harriet waited until Richard returned to his room before going back to her own. It was clear both of them found it difficult to do so, their affections drawing them to Eleanor to offer what they could to appease her distress. Richard sat on the bed in the darkness, he could still hear slight murmurings but they were not as loud or upsetting as before. Gradually over the next half an hour they melted away and all was silent again, but it took Richard another hour to return to sleep.

Harriet and Alec were eating breakfast when Richard joined them, he had been up some time but he had been deep in thought. Neither of his hosts were dressed for the day, Harriet wearing an expensive looking silk robe over her attire and her hair was tamed into order. Her eyes looked heavy with the lack of sleep and as Richard approached the door he heard them speaking.

"Why don't you go back to bed my love?" Alec suggested.

"No I'm alright, I just waited up a long time… in case you needed me."

"I stayed with her, she was shaking so violently I didn't think it fair to leave her."

"Of course not." Harriet replied then her voice lightened somewhat. "I hope you didn't snore."

"I did not madam." He joked in return and at this point Richard decided to enter the room, albeit a little hesitantly.

"Good morning." Harriet said cheerfully and this was quickly followed by a greeting from Alec. Richard seated himself at the table but chose not to eat. After some persuasion Harriet got him to take some coffee, assuring him they did not mind. Richard found himself able to overcome his anxiety enough to take a sip or two, facing away as he did so.

"I'm sorry about last night Richard, I hope it didn't startle you too much." Alec apologised.

"Is. Hmm. Eleanor. Not well enough. To come down. This morning?" Richard asked.

"She's outside on the terrace reading. She's been up a few hours." Harriet explained and Richard immediately had the urge to go out and see her. As he turned his head he happened to catch Alec observing him with particular scrutiny though what emotion his host was feeling he wasn't sure. It made Richard a little nervous and he tried to think of something to say for conversation.

"What are your plans for the day my dear?" Harriet asked Alec, he in turn sat back in his chair full to the brim with food and considered.

"I have a gathering to organise. That means trying to get hold of Mr Rothstein and others. Mr Thompson wants a far bigger affair this time."

"Can I help you at all?"

"It could certainly use the feminine touch, I don't want it looking like a 'business meeting' but that leaves Eleanor on her own." Alec replied but then he turned to Richard. "I know we've taken up enough of your time but… would you mind spending another day with us? My driver can take you to pick up some things…"

"Hmm. You seem busy."

"I shall be, but Eleanor and Harriet both consider you a friend to and I think I should like to know Eleanor had a friend with her today."

Harriet's gaze joined Alec's as Richard weighed up the suggestion, of course he wanted to immediately accept but then he was nervous at the same time. At last he nodded and both of them smiled with relief.

Not long after Richard walked out onto the terrace and was able to observe the well kept grounds that came with the house. He saw at the bottom of its long, fashionably landscaped stretch Nell sat reading a book. She saw him coming and put her book down and rested it on her lap.

"Good morning." She said, her face a little pale. She moved up and offered him the space next to her on the bench and he took it. This was the closest he'd been to her, part of his side pressing into hers.

"Hmm. How are. You?"

"Well enough." She replied, her voice seemed both pleasant and fatigued. "Have they sent you out here to check on me?"

"Hmm. Not exactly. I was. Concerned. Myself."

"Then you are very kind."

"Did you. Hmm. Manage to get. Some sleep?"

"A little. Alec stayed with me which helped."

The jealousy twinged. He would have moved the earth to be in Alec's place at that moment.

"Hmm. I used to. Dream. Horrible things."

"Things you'd seen in the war?" She asked and after a moment Richard nodded. "How did you manage to stop them?"

"Hmm. I can't. Sometimes I won't. Have any. For some time. But then. I dream of. Faces."

"After all this time?" Nell said sorrowfully.

"Hmm. It can seem. Like only yesterday. Sometimes."

Richard saw her hand tense on her lap as though she were about to move it but she had changed her mind. Eleanor's eyes looked out across the garden and to the house but Richard only observed her and he didn't care who might be watching them.

"I want to do something today that won't make them worry about me." Eleanor admitted closing the book and turning to Richard, her face only inches from his due to the way they were seated.

"They have. Hmm. Asked me to. Stay."

"I see." She said and at first he was uneasy but then her expression almost seemed to smile. "Would walking suit you? I think I need to get the colour back in my face."

"A walk. Hmm. Yes." Richard replied.

An hour later Nell climbed into the car, Richard following closely behind with Alec. At the last moment Alec took Richards arm and said quietly into his ear.

"I can see you care for her. Thank you."

Richard looked at Alec, trying to interpret the extent of Alec's view of his feelings for Nell. Did he know he loved her? Or did he just believe that he was a good friend? Either way his body felt a little unsure but he could only nod at Hardiman. Climbing into the car he shut the door and watched as Alec Hardiman and his fine house gradually grew smaller and disappeared completely. All that mattered for the next few hours was the woman next to him and he would make sure no sorrow would come to her as long as he was there.


	8. A Little Better

**Chapter Seven**

They drove for some time, both silent for the entire journey. Richard noticed they were being taken out of the city and he remembered a time some years ago when he made such a journey, intending not to return. The same day he had made the decision to stand by Jimmy thick and thin and he had done so ever since. As it turned out they were driving to the exact same woods where he had planned to take his own life and Richard thought back to that dark time, it had not been long before he had met Nell and Angela had been killed.

They climbed out of the car, Nell asking the driver to come back for them in an hour or so. She wrapped her coat around herself and looked around at the tall trees whispering from the wind. They both watched the car drive away and soon it was gone. Richard observed Eleanor as she looked around, her eyes searching every bit of bark and brush. There was a slight breeze to the day and it seemed slightly cooler here than in Atlantic City. There was feeling of isolation but not a bad one. It was peaceful and calm; though Richard was surprised he could not hear the sound of gunshots from hunters.

"Trees here are so different from the ones in Ireland. I never took advantage much of the beauty of nature then, I miss it now I live in a city."

"Hmm. Sometimes. It's nice. To get away. From it. It's peaceful."

"Have you been here before?"

"Hmm. Yes."

"Well I will rely on you not to get us lost then." She said with a faint laugh, her wan face lightening for a moment. In the light of the day he noticed how weary she looked, he had not noticed so much earlier. Nell came nearer to him, the whistling breeze seeming to circle them and she asked.

"Which way do you think?"

"Would you. Not prefer. Hmm. To sit? You look. Tired." Richard replied, concern and care evident in his voice.

"I'm hoping a walk will remedy that. But I may need your arm later on if you wouldn't mind."

"Hmm. Not at all."

They walked for a while, she asking about where he used to play as a child. He told her about he and Emma's adventures around their parents farm and when he nearly fell in the river whilst fishing when he was 9. Nell in return told him an embarrassing story when one dusky evening she had run home screaming because an owl had flown out in front of her, flapping its wings and startling her. As he listened and talked himself, Richard realised they had not really gotten to know each other properly before. Yes they had talked but it was often on darker thoughts instigated by the situation she had been in. Now they seemed to meet as equals and talk with ease. He had not really talked to anyone like this since Angela. Truman Marshall and he had conversed but often his friend brought too much humour to it for it to become a serious one. The only thing he noticed that saddened him was that her eyes were more subdued when she spoke, they did not seem to like shining as brightly as before.

After some way they found a small pond and Richard gathered some small pebbles for them both to throw. He taught Nell how to angle her wrist so that she could skim it, making it skate and hit then water for a longer distance rather than disappearing in one splash. She had modelled his movements but something silent within her had kept him from reaching out and positioning her wrist, helping her with that first throw as one might do to a child when teaching them something. It was a small touch but one he longed for, yet somehow he knew she did not like the idea of contact.

Richard wasn't a fool, from his vague knowledge of Harry Warren, events and Nell herself he could only imagine that mistreatment had caused her to become this way. The woman he knew had been wise and loving and would bravely take a step towards what she wanted, but now Eleanor Byrne as she insisted she be called was more muted and though she would talk about a variety of things, there was no burst of any feeling like before. Her demeanour seemed to warn off any attempts at physical intimacy and he put that down to nights she must have spent with Warren.

Eleanor was still skimming stones as Richard watched her, if she was aware he was studying her she did not show it. Her face was serene and the ability to be her normal self seemed to bring out contentment within her. He doubted she would have been so open about her past if they had been at the house and he was pleased that she seemed more at ease with him. That was something he had not expected, his anticipation told him she would pretend she barely knew him. Yet here they were.

"Perhaps I missed out on these things because I never had a brother." She said at last, becoming particularly pleased with the distance one of her stones bounced. "Thank you."

"Hmm. You're welcome."

Then came a surprise to Richard.

"I can't thank you enough for how you've been since we've been reacquainted. I did so worry you would be angry with me. I am glad that I've got to see you again." She said normally, turning from the water to look at him. Richard was a little taken aback that she had brought the topic up and was not wholly sure what to say for a moment. "Sorry, I do not mean to embarrass you."

"Hmm. You haven't. I'm just. Surprised."

"I hope you haven't thought I've been sweeping things under the carpet. It's just… some memories I like to keep just for me. I've had to share too much with others in my life."

"Hmm. I understand. What you mean. I haven't spoken. Of it. Either."

"I owe you a great deal."

"You do. Hmm. Not. Owe me. Anything." Richard replied earnestly.

"I do. You see… I started to love you very much and before I had only really loved two other people by choice. It turns out I lost all three but…. I know now I can't love like that and so…. I'm grateful that you gave me something to love before everything changed. Before I changed."

Her explanation was not spoken with sadness exactly, it seemed to have a voice far older than her years. She spoke as though she were two different people, perhaps she was, first there had been Nell and now there was Eleanor.

"I. Hmm. Am only sorry. I could not. Protect you."

"One way or the other I would have ended up where I was. At least… I got to know happiness. I look back on it and remember how I felt then and sometimes it frightens me that I cannot feel anything like that now. I don't seem to have the capability…. But it comforts me…. Those memories."

"You. Hmm. Didn't deserve. Any of that. Pain. I wish. I could have. Spared you."

Richard wanted to talk about his own feelings from then but he could not for they had not changed. She spoke now as though she held no love for him and to try and explain his own feelings would make her realise they were still fresh and true. That could only lead to problems and he swore to himself he would settle for these kind of moments only last night.

"Would you not like to go home Richard?" She asked.

"I can. Hmm. Stay here for. As long as you like."

"No, I mean would you not like to go back to Plover?"

"Hmm. There is. Nothing there for me. Now." He said. "It would be. Hmm. How I imagine. You feel about. Ireland."

She nodded with understanding, they were now standing quite close and he felt her arm slip through his.

"Shall we keep walking?"

Richard nodded and they set off again, the subject of their past never raising its head again. Instead they talked about this and that, Richard amazed how she never mentioned either Betty or Elsa. She really did keep things that meant a lot to her close to her chest, even from him. He hoped one day to earn the right to know more about her past and the friendship that started her on the path she was now on. He was pleased at the contact with her, she was no weight on his arm and did not rest upon him, they just walked side by side as together as they could be.

"My father was never in charge in our house." Eleanor explained as their conversation turned to their families. "My mother could be very domineering and she was a true Catholic. He would arrive at the precise time she named, so did I. I never dared be late. Sometimes it felt like he was just another one of her children. But she wasn't unkind with it, she was just practical."

"My mother. Hmm. Was very practical. Having twins. I think made her. That way."

"One is a blessing but two at once is a challenge I should imagine." Eleanor suggested, her hand coming up to brush locks of loose hair from her face. "I have great respect for her."

"She was. Very kind. Emma is very. Like her."

"Are you more like your father?"

"I'm not sure. Hmm. Now who I am. Like. I am not. The same. As I was."

"Well whatever happened to you, you have not lost your kindness, that matters." Eleanor said honestly and they stopped and looked at one another, Richard feeling a rush of emotion at her words.

"I am not. A good. Man." He said, his voice dropping to an almost whisper, suddenly he felt a little more alone and he wished she would take pity on him and hold him.

"Why not?"

Richard battled with himself for a moment, not quite sure how to put it into words.

"I have. Hmm. Done things."

"Killed people?"

"Yes."

"Since the war?"

Richard didn't need to answer that, his face betrayed him. His eye dropped downwards, he wasn't quite able to face her gaze as his shame overwhelmed him. He became a different person with a gun but privately he had those same dreams he had before he went to war. The rest of the time he was something different. Richard was certain that once upon a time she would have reached out and touched his cheek here, but she did not move. When he had the courage to look up though he found her looking at him, those strange eyes gazing without judgement.

"No one can blame you for changing Richard. Just do not let your whole life be absorbed by certain things. You could do so much with your life. Didn't Jimmy manage to?"

"Hmm. And he lost it all." Richard remarked sadly.

"Except you."

"Hmm. I suppose. Who else do we. Hmm Have. Except each other?"

He wanted her to say he had her, but she did not.

"Don't be afraid of wanting more." She said quietly. "You will have it, one day."

"I… had it. Hmm. Once." He said at last and she looked at him in that way she did.

"I will pray you have it again."

A glance passed between them that extended into a longer look, when she slipped her arm through his again they walked back to the car both understanding more than words could say. Richard was thankful for this morning, he felt he knew her a little better and understood a little more. But there was so much he still wanted to say, needed to know and try to make better but he couldn't. That was another man's job, he had no other place than that of a friend.


	9. Considerations

_**A.N Just wanted to say a big thank you to Aerenii and Persnikitty5 for your lovely reviews and to anyone else who has stuck with this. This fic may be a long one but it's not going to be another 10 chapters dancing round the obvious, things will start to change and I'm hoping to explore something a little darker and more interesting for you all. But still having plenty of Richard being his lovable self moments!**_

**Chapter 8**

As the Summer breeze slid into a Fall wind the clouds seemed to roll back a little, offering the sun more opportunity to shine blindly. Atlantic City was a place that did not change, the seasons brought with it only another 3 months of the same old corruption and toil before it faded to the next one. Richard quite enjoyed this time of year, he liked the colour turn in the trees and the way the sun seem to become a golden drop melting slowly in a navy blue sky. He had been away from the Hardiman household for almost two weeks, when he had returned to his room a note from Jimmy had been pushed under his door. Seeking out his old friend he had found him semi dressed in his more modest apartment and Jimmy had chided him for being seduced elsewhere. Richard could smell the scent of perfume lingering around Jimmy, the notes similar if not identical to what Jenny wore.

"Where've you been then?" Jimmy asked lighting a cigarette and sitting at the table, looking a little hung over. Richard held his hat in his hands, debating for a moment whether to remain standing.

"Hmm. I've been at. Hardiman's house."

"Have you now. Good."

Jimmy rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, Richard watched him and considered when was the last time he had been to see Tommy. In the bedroom nearby the sound of someone moving about could be heard, it could only be Jenny. Jimmy looked at Richard as he listened.

"Jenny's here."

"Hmm. I thought so."

"Violet asked where you were on Thursday. I got invited to your friend's party, he tells me to bring a girl, I think Jenny would fit right in."

"Hmm. If you like."

"There's a small one this week I see." Jimmy explained and Richard nodded. "Then an even bigger one in a couple of weeks, a lot more big bastards coming I understand."

"Alec. Hmm. Likes conflict. Tension."

"He'll sure feel some, hope he knows what he's doin' it could come back and bite him in the ass."

"Are you. Hmm. Providing. Liquor for him?"

"Yeah." Jimmy got up and came over to Richard. "You've not been around much."

"Hmm. I'm sorry."

"Don't be Richard, you need to have a life. Just… let me know where you are, I might need you."

Here was the problem, their situation had been summed up just here, it was almost a paradox. He couldn't have a life in case Jimmy needed him; Angela's death had taught him that.

"You gonna bring Violet?" Jimmy asked. Richard shook his head, Jimmy couldn't help but laugh. "She's not your sort is she?"

"Hmm. She's a nice girl. But. She doesn't. See me any. Different to. The others."

"I'm not sure Jenny does either."

At this point Jenny called out for Jimmy and Richard felt this was a good time to leave, not wanting to have to bring up Violet with her friend.

"See you soon." Jimmy said as he showed him out. When the door closed Richard felt a little preoccupied, how could Violet be wondering about him? It was a mere business transaction, she didn't like him. Then again he was a regular and he imagined one of her nicer clients so perhaps she missed the loss of the money and respect he gave her.

At the party later in the week, Jimmy was true to his word and he brought with him a respectably dressed Jenny. Jenny was not a bad sort, she carried herself well and you could hold a fairly good level of conversation with her. The three of them were greeted and submerged themselves into the small amount of chatter, smoke and alcohol that lingered in the air of the room. Richard found himself immediately occupied by Harriet who drew him over to a corner and poured him a drink.

"How are you?" She asked pleasantly, her voice filled with gaiety and she kissed his cheek.

"Hmm. I am well. Thank you. You seem. Very happy."

"Eleanor and I have spent today with a photographer, a famous one from New York, Bailey. It was wonderful."

Alec Hardiman seemed to spend a great deal of money on having them photographed.

"I'm glad. Hmm. You have enjoyed. It."

"Alec asked me to tell you he needs a chat with you later. He's in his study with Mr Thompson at the moment."

"Mr Thompson. Hmm. Is staying for. The party?"

"I don't think so. At least not this one, but the one coming up he has quite a big hand in."

"Where is. Hmm. Eleanor?"

"She's not coming tonight. She's in our joint little sitting room, we've had to give her some news she didn't like." Harriet explained gravely, her voice thick with guilt. "In fact, would you mind going to check on her? I know you're both friends."

Richard gladly obliged and he started to set off when Harriet handed him a rather large glass of whisky.

"She'll want this." Richard looked perplexed and Harriet realised she needed to explain more. "Did you not know about her drinking?"

"Hmm. No."

"She likes to have a drink, it comes and goes but the last couple of weeks she's drank quite heavily."

Richard took the glass and followed the directions that Harriet gave him. He cared little if Jenny would go running back to Violet with tales of him going from woman to woman. At the door of the sitting room he paused and considered. A memory of standing before a door in anticipation passed before him and he remembered how some minutes later they had made love for the first time. She always held something from him, the first time it had been about her virginity, what could it be this time? He loved her very dearly but it was hard to sometimes pin down the real woman he loved. Looking down the corridor he saw a plant and he was tempted to empty the whisky into it, not allowing her to indulge in its strength. He did just that and when he knocked on the door it was with more confidence than before.

"Come in." She said and he entered the room, finding her sat by a large fire seeming dwarfed by the large chair she was seated in. A book rested on her lap though she obviously had not been reading for some time. "Hello."

"Hmm. Am I. Disturbing. You?"

"No."

"Hmm. Are you alright?" He asked.

"I am, I have just been considering an opportunity that has arisen."

"I hope. Hmm. It is nothing bad."

"Harriet has told you about Warren hasn't she? Is that why you're here? Don't worry he is not the reason I haven't come down."

"Harriet. Hmm. Has not. Told me. Anything."

"Mr Thompson wants Warren at our party, Alec had agreed. They told me the day before yesterday and they think that I am angry with them."

"Hmm. Are you?"

"He's not at the top of my list of people I want to see but… he is my past." She explained, her hair glowing chocolate brown in the firelight and her eyes seeming deeper in the flames. "I'm safe here."

"Hmm. But the. Memories…"

"I will be fine." She said more firmly. "Please, let's not talk about that. It doesn't matter."

They were interrupted from talking further when Alec put his head around the door. He reluctantly asked for Richard's presence in his office, not wanting to deprive Eleanor of his company. Richard swallowed hard, what could he possibly have to say? His words the other day had played on Richard's anxiety ever since, had he guessed that he was in love with her?

As they sat opposite one another, Alec pushed a drink in Richard's direction and he took it thankfully. Having something to hold in his hands stopped them from shaking.

"How is she?"

"Hmm. She seems fine." Richard replied.

"Good. We've had to invite Harry Warren and Harriet thinks it's a good idea to invite Charlie Luxor too. He's very thick with Rothstein now and she thought he might take Warren's mind off Eleanor."

"But. Hmm. To put her in. A room. With both. Of them. Will be painful. For her."

"I know. But this is business I cannot overlook. She doesn't even have to come if she doesn't want to. I'm not a fool, I know she finds some things… difficult but I've never forced her to be anything other than she is." Alec explained. "But, we can't go on like this."

Richard wasn't sure of his meaning and he didn't really care to know. Alec rubbed his face with his hands nervously meaning Richard saw his anxiety for the first time. It was unbelievable yet disconcerting.

"I like to think we're friends Richard."

"Hmm. Yes."

"And I'd like to think that you are a friend to my girl's too…."

Richard nodded again, just wishing he would speak his mind.

"I love Eleanor very much… it's hard you know… having something so unattainable near you. She shows every kindness to me and I know she cares for me but though she may trust me somewhat, I don't think she trusts me enough…"

"Hmm. I do not. Understand. What you want?" Richard asked deeply confused.

"I want to help her."

Two days later Richard found himself travelling to Chicago, he had been sent on request the same as always. He had taken his gun to be safe, fearing some sort of trick or backlash and finally he was dropped off at a hotel. The meeting had called for him to be smartly dressed and he put on the suit he had recently bought but dared not to wear. After inquiring at the reception he was given the key to a room booked under the name he was told and he made his way up. Richard was beyond nervous and he wasn't quite sure what to do. Men above and beyond him were the masters of these situations, he just followed orders. But now it was his turn to change a situation, was he scared? He was terrified.

When he reached the door he knocked quietly, hoping they wouldn't hear and that he could compose himself before trying again. For a moment there was silence, then the sound of a latch. Finally the door opened with an unbearable slowness and soon he stood looking into a plush hotel room, no expense spared. But it wasn't that that caught his breath in his throat, it was Eleanor. She stood there, looking wonderful from tip to toe her eyes seeming to glisten at him. There was something about her that seemed more like Eleanor of old and without thought Richard walked forward, took her waist in his hands and drew her to him and kissed her.


	10. Help

**A.U **_**Posted this tonight as I am busy tomorrow so likely wouldn't be able to put up this chapter. Enjoy. And keep please reviewing if you can, it keeps my muse going, thank you!**_

**Chapter Nine**

He had not planned to kiss her. He had not planned to take such a step. But when she had opened the door and looked at him, it seemed as though the last two years had not happened. The front tendrils of her hair were pinned back loosely, the rest floating in chestnut waves down her neck. And her eyes had drawn him into their jade pools. He hadn't forgotten the feel of her sleight waist in his hands or how naturally her body seemed to fit against him. The moment two thirds of his mouth pressed against hers he could have burst, the longing to do it had been overwhelming and at last here he was.

But Eleanor, his Nell stood limply in his arms, her body went a little rigid with surprise and she did not return his kiss. Suddenly he couldn't bear to pull away because that would mean having to look her in the eye. He'd made a huge mistake, forgotten for a moment how she did not seem to like being touched. Perhaps she really didn't care about him anymore. Richard used his will power to wrench himself away and turned from her, ashamed and hurt. He cursed himself for being so stupid.

"_How can. I. Hmm. Help her?"_

"_She trusts you."_

"_She. Trusts you. Too."_

"_I don't believe she does. Not with certain things, I don't think she trusts my control."_

"_What are. You. Suggesting?"_

"_Do you care about her?"_

_Hmm. Yes."_

"_Then I want you to go to Chicago and meet her, spend some time with her. Help her."_

Richard had been sent here to meet her by Alec for a purpose yet his motive for kissing her had been completely his own. It seemed despite all Alec's kindness and care towards Eleanor, after such a long time his desire was making him run low on self control and he felt Eleanor needed 'help'. Richard was not sure why he had agreed, they had not been specific on what exactly he was meant to do, but the meaning was clear. Alec had sent her here for five days, a place she had never been and had no bad memories in. Did she know that Richard was coming to meet her? All Richard knew was that he had probably ruined everything before he began, now he was here Alec and his wants could go to hell, he just wanted to spend time with her. But now she would probably revert to her shell that she had begun to soften in recent days.

"Hmm. I'm sorry I… I'm sorry." He murmured, his voice barely able to form the words though his mind raced and berated him.

"Did he send you here to seduce me?" She asked, her voice not betraying any emotion which was some comfort as she did not sound distant or cold.

"Hmm. I. Don't know. What he. Expects. I just. Wanted…" He stopped again.

"What did you want?"

Eleanor closed the distance between them and moved so she was in his sightline, refusing to let him look away from her.

"Hmm I. Don't want. Anything. Except." He rubbed his face with his hand, his mask seeming to itch and irritate him unbearably. "I like being. With you. It's been. A long time. But. Nothing has changed. For me."

Richard looked at her properly now, he needed to see how she dealt with his words. At first her face looked a little hard, but gradually that melted into something almost sad.

"I could not be anything you would deserve, Richard." She said quietly. "I did not imagine he would send you. I'm sorry. I thought, I feared it would be him."

"Hmm. I don't want. To go back. To how. I was. Nell. I want. You. I don't care. How you say. You've changed."

"What would you propose then? We live together as I do with Alec? He has Harriet to occupy him in areas I lack, but you're a man in the prime of his life, it's a part of love Richard and you will want it, however much you try to resist doing so." She said and then her voice broke a little. "I don't seem to know how to really touch someone's hand anymore let alone…"

He could see tears form in her eyes but she turned away as though angry with herself. Her body rested against the wall and she pressed her forehead and palms against its cool surface and Richard watched her breathe deeply. Eleanor chewed her lip and screwed her eyes shut, trying to retain her control.

"It's not that I don't want to touch you Richard. You don't know how I've felt since I've seen you again." She said at last, her eyes still closed. "Some memories are what kept me going these past few years."

"Hmm. Would you. Like me to. Go?" He said at last, horrified that his presence seem to upset her so much but inside he was glad she seemed to still care about him.

"No. Please stay with me. I'm sorry. I just don't know how to be."

Eleanor turned now and she looked calmer, her eyes only a little bloodshot from the strain of tears. Her face spoke more of resolution and composure, but her eyes seemed to call out from somewhere deep within and it drew him in further.

"What. Hmm. Can I do?" He asked, helpless in his ever growing desire to protect her and all the more determined to love her.

"Wait for me. If you can. I will try." She said. "It has been a long time and… well… you know me and I think you love me. Am I right?"

Richard nodded his head and that beckoned Nell to him. Her hands came up and she took off his mask, holding it carefully in one of her hands. The other came up to stroke down the damaged side of his face.

"I've missed you." She whispered, reaching up on her tiptoes and pressing her forehead against his, her free hand resting on his shoulder. He wanted to hold her waist again but he resisted until she said. "It's alright."

He took a chance and wrapped his arms around the middle of her body, drawing her in a little closer with extreme gentleness so as not to frighten her. He saw her eyes were closed and his own, relishing in the chance to be close to her. Deep down he knew how much he wanted to undress her slowly and try and kiss and caress the pain and longing of two years of separation and he knew how hard it would be to resist that for her sake. There would be nothing on earth worth frightening her away again however much he wanted it. The truth was, he loved her and he would take every care of her and be what she needed.

The last few weeks had been a bittersweet heaven, just to talk to her again and see the face that brought meaning to his day was enough to banish some of his sorrows. The rest could wait, it wouldn't be easy, but he would wait.

"Hmm. What now?" Richard said, a touch of amusement in his voice. The barrier she had raised when he kissed her was slowly coming down and their bodies felt more relaxed.

"Will you spend five days with me?" She asked.

"Yes. Would you. Hmm. Like me to. Get another. Room?"

"No." She said shaking her head and her lips pressed lightly on his for a few seconds. "I want you to stay here with me. If you are alright with that?"

He nodded in return and she dropped back down onto her feet and they seemed comfortable together again as they had that day in the woods. Eleanor took his bag from him and handed him his mask, Richard watched how she unpacked his things and put them alongside her own as though they had been married some years and it was part of their routine. Richard looked around and took in the large room they were in. Aside from the elegant bed there were two chairs and a table by the large draped window and a door leading off to the bathroom in which he could see a bath. It was the kind of luxury and comfort he wasn't in a position to give her and the parallel was painful until he realised that there were other things he was offering her that Alec could not.

There was something else to, he needed to talk to her about the child they might have had. For days on end he had thought about it and struggled not to ask her about it. He felt here in this room was a time for the past and present to meet and for them to leave more bound to each other than before. But did he not have to 'help her' as Alec put it and then send her back to his arms and eventually his bed? Richard decided not to think about that now, he wanted only to live in the present.

"You lived here didn't you?" She asked at last breaking the silence, she was quite near to him now and was scanning his face. "Penny for them?"

"Hmm. What would. You like to. Do?"

"I would like a drink but I don't think that is likely."

"You never used to drink."

"I never used to feel much pain, Richard." She said.

"Before. Hmm. You helped me. With some. Of my. Demons from the war. Let me. Try and help. You. You don't need. A drink."

"Then perhaps we could go for a walk before dinner. We can eat in here."

Richard nodded and he walked to where her coat was hung and she slipped into it as he held it. It was another brief opportunity to touch her and do little things for her which he revelled in. As he fixed his mask into place she watched him and when he was ready to set off he saw she was smiling. It was brilliant sight and it rooted him to the spot momentarily.

"Thank you." She said and she came forward and slipped her arm through his as she had done before and they stepped out of their room together, united like the world could not touch them. Neither considered what might come in an hour, a day or when they had to return to Atlantic City. They were just a man and a woman happy to be together in that very moment and nothing would spoil that. Nothing.


	11. Ghosts

**Chapter 10**

The hour of nine in the evening chimed quietly on a clock in the room, the curtains had long been drawn and illuminating lamplight gave all around a cosy glow. The remnants of their dinner together had been cleared away and only two small parcelled boxes now rested on the table top. The occupants were both on the bed with some distance between them. Richard was laid flat on his back in deep comfort, his hands clasped together on his chest and his mask resting on the bedside table. Nell sat up, her back pressed against the ornate headboard with a book in her hand. Her soft, Irish tones were used to bring to life every word she read and at times her own small laugh interfered with her reading.

"Why, is it nobody but you? Do you know, I have been scared to death for the last two or three hours? I am most honestly glad to see you. I wish I had a chair - Here, here, don't try to sit down in that thing!  
>But it was too late. He was in it before I could stop him, and down he went - I never saw a chair shivered so in my life.<br>"Stop, stop, You'll ruin ev-"  
>Too late again. There was another crash, and another chair was resolved into its original elements.<br>"Confound it, haven't you got any judgment at all? Do you want to ruin all the furniture on the place? Here, here, you petrified fool-"  
>But it was no use. Before I could arrest him he had sat down on the bed, and it was a melancholy ruin." <p>

A rumble of mild laughter came from Richard and Nell momentarily placed the book face down on her lap whilst they both got it out of their system. His head was slightly on its side facing away from her and his hands had uncurled and lay limp on his heaving stomach. Richard had not felt this relaxed in a long time; to be isolated from the hustle and bustle in a comfortable room with his ideal companion could not be bettered. With every word she read he felt himself more in heaven and the beauty of the day cheered him.

"There is nothing quite like a good ghost story." She remarked, calming herself and Richard turned his head back to face her. "But sometimes every genre needs satirising a little bit."

"Hmm. I thought perhaps. You chose. This one. In case another. Frightened you." He suggested with mock seriousness, his intention in fact to goad her a little. Nell turned to look at him and she had raised an eyebrow, her face struggling not to smile.

"I beg to differ Mr Harrow, I was more concerned for your nerves. But should you think you can manage sterner stuff, I will gladly bring out my Poe."

Eleanor rose to get up, acting on her threat and this caused Richard to reach out and grabbed her arm without thinking. What was a playful action to him made her cry out in surprise and she jumped a little. Mortification and guilt consumed Richard immediately and he retracted his hand clambering up swiftly to apologise.

"Hmm. Forgive me. I. Didn't think. I'm sorry. Are you alright?" He babbled, searching her face for any sign of fright that he needed to make amends for. Aside from her breathing being a little quicker he couldn't see any further signs of terror or upset on her face. He remembered a similar expression when he had surprised her once before back when they had first met. Now though, he was desperate for her to speak.

"It's alright. I mean… you startled me but it is you, how could I be frightened of you?"

"Then. Hmm. Can we continue. Reading?"

She nodded and they moved back towards the bed, Richard seating himself upright as she had done before. Nell climbed on the other side but surprised him by shuffling nearer so they were shoulder to shoulder.

"Do you mind?" She asked.

"No." He replied softly, feeling more than pleased by the closer proximity.

"Will you… put your arm around me?" Richard went to do just that but then she stopped him. "Wait. You can't be comfortable like that. Take your jacket off."

Richard allowed Nell to slip his jacket from his shoulders and she hung it off one of the bedposts. She moved back nearer to him and Richard offered her the space by his side in the security of his arm. Her head went to rest on his shoulder and she drew her knees up slightly, resting on her side. Richard could smell the aroma of her perfume, very mild this late in the day and he enjoyed the warmth she brought with her. Opening the book again Nell continued to read and Richard listened and laughed until its tale was concluded.

For a time they sat there in silence and it was only after some minutes when the book slipped from her hand that Richard realised Nell had fallen asleep. He looked down at the closed lids, lined with long, dark lashes and he gently pushed some of the loose hairs on her forehead back with his hand. He sat with her as she slept for just under an hour when she shuffled down in her sleep and turned onto her back. This freed up his arm which had begun to ache and he decided it was a prime opportunity to wash before bed.

The finely furnished room also boasted a comfortable sized bath tub and Richard planned to submerge himself in its comforting depths. He closed the door quietly on the sleeping Eleanor and as the water ran he undressed himself. As he lowered himself into the water he exhaled quietly, the relief that comfort brought taking over him. His eye closed and he lay there, slowly allowing his body to fully unwind for some minutes. Then safe in his own privacy his mind began to consider how hard these few days would be, it wasn't just the fact she was always near him or that she would be returning to Alec afterwards. His main concern was that he would betray himself when his intent would be pure. Richard loved her on every level and that brought with it some things he could not help and he risked being totally undone by just a mere touch from her. Naturally these thoughts progressed to others and soon he found himself in the midst of full arousal and longing to kiss her awake and make love to her passionately where they had just laid.

He became ashamed of himself, for now to safely re-enter their shared bed again he would have to exorcise these thoughts and desires and there was only one way for him to do that. As his hand slipped under the water he hated himself for having to use her this way but he felt it better than making her question his ability to wait for her. His mind called back the last time they had made love, when she had seated herself on his lap and made him look up in awe of her and so he became lost for a time.

When he stepped from the bathroom, somewhat physically sated yet running even higher emotionally he found her now awake stood at the window. Her hand had the curtain pulled back a little and she looked up to the sky.

"Hmm. Looking at the moon?" He asked and she turned her head slowly, her face softened with sleepiness.

"I'm praying for my girl." She said. "She might just be looking up herself. Though I imagine she is tucked up in bed sleeping."

Eleanor let the curtain drop back into place and she walked a few steps from the window and considered Richard. He wondered what she was thinking. She looked so beautiful now as she had changed into her clothes for bed and he wanted to thank someone himself for being here with her. If only he believed in God, he would thank him. One or two droplets of water ran down the side of his cheek and his hair was a little tousled from being washed. Coming forward she reached her hands up and ran her fingers through the damp locks, smoothing it off his face and behind his ears. One hand took the chance to stroke down his damaged cheek and Richard could not help but turn his face and press a kiss into the palm.

"Hmm. You had. A baby." Richard said at last, chancing the moment by bringing it up. Nell was quiet for a moment and she removed her touch from him, her hands now draping loosely at her sides. Those eyes seem to fix intensely on the carpet as though at some invisible spot only she could see. Richard could not bear this and as much as he imagined it hurt her he needed to know. "Nell."

"I should damn you for bringing that up." Her voice said sounding harsher. "Or damn him for telling you. Why does everyone suppose talking about it makes things easier? Does he feel like he spared me, saved me from that vile man? Only to parade him in front of me and everyone else who's helped ruin my life?"

Her passionate hurt seemed to rise up from within her like some beast and she moved towards the table and knocked the boxes from its surface and they fell across the floor.

"I'm sorry. Hmm. I just wanted to…"

"Of course you want to know, it was yours." She said her voice still angry but at least more understanding towards him. "They all think it's Charlie Luxor's! I wanted to tell you but I wasn't free to do so! I didn't even know for a few months…"

Her hands went over her face and for a moment Richard worried she was crying, but slowly she dragged them down her face and neck until they flopped back at her sides.

"I have so much fucking trouble because I loved you." She said at last, her tone seemed breathless and fatigued. The fact she swore so bluntly made him realise what a change she had undergone, it wasn't just a lack of intimacy, she was angry with everyone.

"You have. Hmm. A right to. Blame me."

"I don't blame you, not one bit. You were one of the greatest parts of my life. But I lost my daughter because I met you and then I lost our baby… But none of this is your fault; you're the only person who doesn't try to control my life."

"But. Hmm. Alec…"

"Why else are we here Richard?"

She hit her fist lightly on the table and Richard watched as the fight seemed to go out of her and that numbness take over again. He wanted to go and wrap his arms around her but somehow he knew that at this moment that would not work. Instead he went to find his bag and looking through he took out a small flask filled with liquor and handed it to her. Nell gazed down at it for a moment and then back to him, their eyes meeting assuring one another they were still safe. But Nell moved to get two glasses, sharing the contents of the flask equally into both and then handed one to Richard.

"It was a boy." She said at last before gulping a burning mouthful of the whisky. This knowledge seemed to fill Richard with a mixture of pride and grief. He had a son, or would have had a son and he imagined he would have been beautiful like his mother. But the loss hit him in that lonely chamber of himself where he was continually reminded of all that was kept from him.

When he collected himself he found Nell stood before him, her large eyes watery though there were no tears. Stretching up on her tiptoes she cupped his uninjured cheek and pressed her lips to his, the whisky strong on their soft surface. Richard's free hand came up to tangle itself gently in her hair, securing their kiss and he responded. It was not an assaulting kiss but neither was it the gentle ones they had shared before. It was a kiss that sought comfort from one another and its intensity made every hair on Richard's body stand on end. When she pulled away she walked straight to her side of the bed and climbed in watching as Richard took in what had just occurred. He gulped down his own whisky, turned off the lamps and then he climbed into his side of the bed. Both laid flat on their backs and were silent for some minutes until at last Richard felt Nell's hands search for his under the blankets and she wove their fingers together. Then something passed that made his heart soar with bittersweet triumph, something he had hoped she would say.

"I love you."

_**A.N: The quote is from A Ghost Story by Mark Twain.**_


	12. Small Touches

**Chapter Eleven**

The music intoxicated the air, it's low, lingering melody hypnotizing everyone who stepped onto the floor. Couples swayed in a mutual rhythm as the dim yellow light lit up the cigar smoke that hung low in the air. Among these couples were Nell and Richard. On their second evening in Chicago they agreed to find somewhere for a drink, Richard choosing the location carefully due to Capones monopoly. It was she who had held out a trembling hand for them to dance and it was perfectly true that both were nervous.

The tempo was slow and nothing more would be expected of them aside from a little care not to tread on the others toes. Nell considered for a few seconds on how they were to proceed and she chose to place her hand on the curve of where his shoulder and neck joined and he watched as she placed one of his on her waist. As her temple came close to his, gently pressing against it, Richard sought her other hand and they started to find their mutual sway. The music seemed to envelope them in a cocoon, other couples passed around them but each pair seemed in their own little bubble, never colliding with another. The atmosphere heightened as they moved together, Richard felt some new emotion seem to creep up through the floor and slowly rise up his body.

It tingled like a hot flush and coupled itself with elation and as it climbed higher and higher he became a little braver. His hand gently slipped from her waist to the small of her back and he drew her body in a little closer. It was so gently done that Nell did not flinch or rebel against his touch, in fact her own arm slipped around his neck and her soft breath tickled his ear. Now their bodies were lightly pressed together and Richard could smell the soap scent of her hair mingling with her perfume and he found his eye flutter close. He couldn't think of a time when he'd ever really danced but he was thankful that like himself Nell preferred a more reserved melody. Had it been uptempo jazz number he would have frozen in his seat and disappointed her. But they were more alike than he realised.

"Thank you." She whispered softly into his ear as they moved, the words sending a shiver down his spine. Her voice seemed low and thick, she sounded happy and at ease. For the following minutes that they moved Richard identified the feeling as joy, it was hard to remember a time when he had felt it more. Perhaps the times they had made love would equal this moment but then this seemed to surpass even those. She was quite literally stepping back into his life and bringing with her all the longing, security and happiness he had missed since they parted.

At times he would come home from spending an evening with Violet and he would find himself so miserable he would become choked as the black shadow tried to climb out of him. Physical pleasure was all well and good and he had needed it during these last two years, but if it was devoid of the things that really mattered it was hollow and cold.

The song ended and they returned to their table, Richard's hand still holding Nell's. They had another drink but then the alcohol started to make them both feel sleepy. Its intoxicating strength mated well with their comfort and ease and if they should sit a moment or two in silence it did not worry them. They decided to return to the hotel and they got up, Richard offering Nell his arm.

Outside however it was far from calm, rain pelted heavily upon the pavement and all around people were ducking and weaving to get out of the downpour. Nell was only wearing a small coat and the droplets began to rest in her hair and trickle down her face. Richard soon took action, he took of his long coat and instructed her to hold it over her head keeping her dry. He was now exposed to the weather and soon his hair stuck to his forehead. The pair of them laughed and began running madly back to their hotel which thankfully wasn't too far away. The droplets battered the long coat Nell held over her head and she gave a cry of surprise as a van nearly splashed them. The water seeped under Richards mask and made it itch; he was soaked from tip to toe and shuddered with the chill.

Back in their room they were a stark contradiction, Nell practically dry and looking as well groomed as when they left whereas Richards clothes stuck to his skin and felt heavy. But neither minded and they were still laughing, imagining how silly they must have looked. Nell took one look at Richard though and her practical instincts kicked in, she hung up his coat and taking his wrist she led him into the bathroom. Richard became a little flustered and he stood limply whilst she took off his mask and placed it on the side of the sink.

"You look worried?" She said as she moved to the bath and turned the brass taps on, the sound of running water masking his pounding heartbeat. "It's okay."

Richard became confident to loosen his tie and it landed on the floor, he then loosened his braces before moving to his shirt buttons, idly undoing each one as he watched Nell run the bath. At last she came over to him and helped free him from soaking fabric.

"Hmm. Last night…" Richard began.

"Yes?"

"You were. Hmm. Talking in. Your sleep."

"I'm sorry." She laughed lightly. "Did I keep you awake?"

"Hmm. Not for long. I was. Worried. But you. Were talking. To Betty."

"I dreamed about her. It was a memory."

"Hmm. Can you. Tell me about. It?" Richard asked cautiously, focusing on the conversation to distract him from Nell pulling off his undershirt gently.

"When she was pregnant with Elsa she got quite poorly, she became easily tired and it was felt that she should rest. We were sent to a hotel like this and we would listen to records and talk long into the night. In my dream we were facing one another on the bed when the baby started moving. It wasn't the first time but, she just looked so happy." Nell explained and only when she finished did she take in Richard's now bare torso.

There was a small scar on his arm that looked like a bullet graze but otherwise he still had a slender, body that he hid well. Richard found himself feeling a little shy and some hints of desire; he had enjoyed the feel of her sleight fingers undressing him. It seemed everything she did had the ability to undo him.

"Get in the bath I'll be back in a minute." She suggested and she moved from the room. He understood why she had done so and he hoped that she would be able to return. Finishing undressing he got in the water, his body warming up and he lay back in its depths.

When Nell returned she appeared a little unsure but she smiled at him.

"There, at least you won't get a chill now."

"Hmm. Thank you."

"No thank you. I'm lovely and dry thanks to your gallantry." She replied and she placed a towel by the side of the bath. During her brief absence Richard had manage to calm his desirous twinge and he was now more content and relaxed. As she had done once before a long time ago, Nell proceeded to wash Richard's upper body and hair. The process was done with great care and they talked as she completed her task which helped them both to relax more. Richard imagined she must be battling her internal struggle to be at ease with him like this and at times he found himself looking at her with such love in his eye she surely could not mistake it.

"I imagine you and your sister would get into some grubby states when you were children?" She asked.

"Hmm. If we. Went fishing. We sometimes. Would be knee. Deep in mud."

"Your mother must have despaired with you both." She joked and she found as she washed his back that he was particularly sensitive at the base of it. He shuddered a little and looked up at her somewhat embarrassed. Nell was trying not to laugh but she gave way to it, her hand pushing his shoulder playfully. "A sensitive spot."

"Hmm. I…" He began to apologise but she interrupted him.

"Don't say you're sorry." They looked at one another as she pushed him back so he was lying down in the tub again. "There."

Richard looked up at her as she seated herself on the side of the bath and their eyes lingered with one another for a while. He noticed she did not look at the rest of his body; in fact she made a conscious effort not to. But to have someone want to look at his scarred face and never tire of its sight still astounded him and a loving look from her brightened many a dark hour.

"Hmm. Do you. Know how. Beautiful you are." He asked at last, his voice a little hoarse.

"The photographs would suggest so." Nell answered quietly, deflecting his compliment and he noticed she blinked hard several times. Richard's hand sought hers and this coaxed her to look back to him again.

"Are you. Hmm. Happy?"

"I am. It makes me nervous."

Richard was worried he would lose her as her hand pulled away and rested on her lap clasping the other.

"I had not. Hmm. Danced in. Public before."

"Not even before the war?"

"There were not. Hmm. Many opportunities. In Plover." He replied wryly.

"Then you will have to dance with me at Alec's next party."

"Hmm. I prefer. To keep. In the shadows." He explained.

"I should have liked that too." Her voice took on a hint of melancholy but Richard saw her hand come out and she stroked her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp in small circles. His eye fluttered closed and he let out a sigh. After a minute the mixture of her hypnotic touch and the warmth of the water made him begin to feel drowsy and his head drooped to the side. Her fingers stopped stroking his scalp and he turned his head back to face her, looking at her through his narrowed eye. Her eyes were looking up and down his body immersed in the water and she stood up. Richard watched as she slowly peeled off every one of her clothes until she was as naked as he was. It was a breathtaking sight that he had recorded with fine detail in his memory but the reality was even more beautiful.

"Am I safe?" She asked quietly, her voice making this moment all the more real, all the more intense and Richard could only nod and he shifted himself upwards in the bath. He made room for her as she stepped into the water and settled herself down against him. Richard breathed deeply and concentrated hard not to be overwhelmed with desire which would be the ruin of a moment he wanted to continue.

His chin dropped forward in slumber waking him with a start. He looked around wildly and found she was no longer in the bathroom, the door was closed and all quiet. He was alone.


	13. Lost

**Chapter Twelve**

It was a dryer afternoon the following day and it had allowed Richard and Nell to take advantage of the fresh breeze and they had walked along the harbour before hiding away again for their lunch. A letter had come from Harriet but Richard watched as Nell had put it to one side and seemed to forget about it immediately. Their legs ached a little from the walk and Richard laid flat on his back on the bed, Nell semi reclined on her side propped up on her elbow beside him. The colour was flushed in her cheeks from the breeze and her eyes gleamed like freshly made glass. She watched as Richard took off his mask, rubbing his face with his hands before turning to look at her. He seemed to scrutinize her for a moment and that usually was the prelude to a question.

"What. Hmm. Made you. Cut your hair?"

Nell unconsciously began to twirl a tendril around her index finger before letting it spring back into place. She laughed.

"It reminded me of being young."

"Hmm. You still are. Young."

"I don't feel it. I feel quite ancient at twenty four."

"I felt. Hmm. The same when. I came back."

"We shall keep each other right." Nell promised, her hand touching his shoulder gently. Richard's hand came up and he smoothed a lock of hair through two fingers and dared to move to stroke her cheek. He watched as her eyes fluttered closed and her face seemed to give way to some happy emotion. The back of his hand still rested against her cheek and the feel of the soft skin reminded him of silk. Her eyes opened again, a deeper green than before and she leaned in softly and resting a hand on his chest she kissed him.

At first it was tentative as though she were doing so for the first time, hardly believing only two days before she had kissed him more fiercely than she did now. Richard's hand rested lightly on her waist, his fingers lightly pressed into the fabric that coated her body. He felt her lips move into the indentation of his wounded side and he expected her to pull back a little, but instead she seemed to increased the pressure and her tongue coaxed his with more confidence. As Nell shifted herself into a more comfortable position to continue, Richard's hands now moved up her back gently, kneading in small circles. A low sigh escaped from deep in his throat and it became lost against her dewy lips.

They seemed to fall deeper and deeper with one another and Richard began to lose himself and his hands gripped more intensely at the fabric of her dress and their lips deliriously sought the others. Hers hands were in his hair when he found himself gently rolling her onto her back and resting himself on top of her. For a second she was too engrossed to fully acknowledge the move but then he felt her inhale against his lips and her body went rigid. Richard pulled back a little and looked down at her, she looked unsure and he saw her lip trembling a little.

"Hmm. I won't hurt you. I just. Want to stay as. We are."

"I'm sorry, I can be a little uneasy sometimes."

She lifted her head and began to kiss him again, her hands slipping about his neck to bring him gently back down with her. He was more careful of their kisses this time, he became easily lost again but he was wary of how heated he let things get. His body was on fire and every moment only stoked the embers further but he could not be consumed by them, he would not.

Eventually though he had to pull himself away, incapable of continuing and doubting his self control. He moved away from her gently, stroking her face which was rosy and flushed. When he sat up she pulled herself up to and searched his face which he was doing his best to hide. But if he thought this would put her off he was wrong for her face moved close to his and she began planting delicate kisses from the base of his ear along his jaw.

The progress was delicious and he felt his hand gripping hard at the bedclothes and his eye closed so he could concentrate on breathing deeply. He would go at her pace, he could hardly bear the wonderful feel of her without wanting to take hold of her and losing himself, but he was determined to master his urges. With his eye closed he felt her hands come up and she took off his tie and loosened his top button, her lips then began exploring his throat, Adams apple and at last that familiar spot below his ear. That undid him and he finally emitted a betraying growl that spoke of how he was brimming with desire for her. He looked at her again; she had stopped her ministrations and searched his face.

"Hmm. Tell me. What you want?" He said at last, not knowing how to proceed only how he wanted to. If things were different he would have them married today and spend the rest of his life devoted to her happiness. But she was not free to do so. Her lips were parted and he could hear her breath recovering from a mild pant, those big bright eyes he loved seemed to deliberate his question.

"I don't want to be like this. I'm sorry, what I just did wasn't fair."

She shuffled to the side of the bed and her head went into her hands and Richard expected her to burst into tears. But if anything she was beyond that, her body seemed limp and defeated and she seemed to distance herself from him, isolating herself in her own thoughts. Richard looked downwards, his frustration purely physical whilst his heart went out to her. He could not be angry with her, her fears and nightmares ran deep below the surface and he wanted to find Warren that instant and draw out a painful end for him.

Richard got up and went to the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water, gripping the sides of the sink trying to overcome his physical and emotional struggles. But from the other room he heard the door open and close and when he dashed out he found she was gone. Part of him wanted to be worried, but somehow he knew she just needed some time to calm herself and think and would not be in danger. He hoped she would not be.

The hours passed and Richard tried to divert his attentions from various thoughts concerning her. He tried reading but after some time his eye kept sliding of the page and he seemed to stare beyond it. At times he found himself pacing the room or idly staring out the window at the busy Chicago street below. As he watched he remembered a conversation he had with Violet one night as he did just the same from her window.

"_You always seem to be looking somewhere beyond, Richard." _She had remarked, trying to sound offended but he did not rise to her emotional manipulation. _"A girl could get the wrong idea."_

Of course he looked for something else, just as she constantly looked on to the next client, she liked her clothes did Violet and she was quite happy to do whatever to pay for them. He respected how tolerant, patient and resolute she was but at the same time she seemed to require constant affirmation that she was desired and appreciated. At times she was kind and at first he deluded himself that it was genuine, that she wasn't like this with anyone else but Jimmy remarked that a whore's kindness is falser than a cheaters promise and that had made him think.

Maybe all this had been a mistake, yes he had got to be with Nell but in such close quarters and his intense feelings were not ideal for her fragile state. He imagined she would be drinking somewhere, drinking to numb whatever tormented her and she would return in a more composed state like when he first beheld her again. With a frustrated groan he lay back upon the bed and soon found himself dozing off.

Her entrance to their room awoke him, he wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep but the sky was becoming dusky and Nell held two or three parcels under her arm. If Nell was anyway worried about coming back she did not show it but neither did she seem in anyway closed off from him. On the contrary, it was as though none of before had happened.

"I didn't mean to wake you." She said coming over to him and leaning in to kiss his forehead. Nell soon moved away again and placed the parcels on the table where the other two had been reinstated.

"Hmm. You look. Cold." He remarked, sitting up on the side of the bed watching her every move. She turned and smiled.

"It did get cold all of a sudden, I think the rain is coming back too."

"What. Hmm. Did you buy?"

"More presents for Harriet, it should smooth over my ignoring her letter. They will be sending some food up shortly, I asked on the way in."

"Hmm. Thank you."

They sat opposite one another and ate for a while in silence until Richard began discussing the few pages of the book he had managed to read this afternoon. The previous night they had begun reading Murder in the Rue Morgue and he hoped after dinner they would continue to do so. Their comfortable familiarity was still there and yet the absence of the passion of earlier made him a tad awkward. She seemed to be able to shift from one to the other better than he could and he was not going to be the one to bring it up. Once or twice he caught her observing him closely and it made his cheek flush with colour.

"Hmm. Did you ever. Find out. What became of. Lydia?"

"No." She answered. "I think she had a niece but I don't know where."

It crossed Richard's mind that the old lady might have been removed by Warren and she may no longer be alive, but he thought it best not to put that seed of doubt in Nell's mind. He hoped the lady was happy and well with her family.

Nell moved into the bathroom and he heard her turn on the taps and when she came back into the room she had stripped down to her silk slip that rested half way down her thigh. He inhaled sharply but collected himself.

"Come with me." She said softly and he could do nothing but oblige, confused, aroused and a little afraid. As he stepped into the bathroom the steam from the water was already clouding the air. Nell stepped forward and began undressing his top half as usual and it wasn't long before her touch grazed his sides as she lifted the undershirt over his head. She looked perfectly calm and he waited for her to leave the room whilst he finished undressing. But she did not move.

For a moment they stared at one another, he becoming lost in the hope of her gaze yet so terribly unsure that he ran a hand through his hair.

"It's alright." She said softly and slowly he undressed as she watched, her gaze seeming to scorch his skin and internally he bubbled and fathomed. When he stood there naked she came nearer to him, lifting his chin so his face was not bent upon the floor. Leaning upwards she kissed him, one hand slipping round his neck to pull them together, the feel of the silk cool on his flaming skin. He became lost to her again, his hands cupping her face as their lips merged.

There was no mistaking his desire this time and he sighed as her body pressed closer to him. Suddenly he felt a throb low in his stomach and his legs buckled slightly. Their kiss stopped and he pulled away and looked at her, panic and pleasure mingling unbearably. Her other hand had taken hold of his length and was proceeding to stroke it gently, teasingly. Richard wanted to protest but the words became diluted and lost and he could only allow himself to succumb to what she was doing.

His hand gripped her waist tightly and she leaned in to kiss him again, assaulting all his senses in a way that left him defenceless. Her movements were assured and their speed increased, hurtling further down the spiral of blinding bliss emitting guttural moans and soft cries. His legs felt weaker but his muscles seemed to tighten to allow him to experience what he'd longed from her. Of course with every movement of her hand his mind raced to the possibilities of more, kissing her body like a mad man, pleasuring her and then finally entering her and making love to her till morning. But then the thoughts ended, his mind could not comprehend, perfection took over and he crashed his head onto her shoulder. Her hand knotted in his hair, stroking his scalp as she continued to bring him closer until at last with a muffled cry he jerked his hips and came with a thunderous force.

His eye was squeezed shut as his shuddering body recovered, both her arms cradling him securely as he shook. When he felt able he lifted his head back up to look at her, aside from the pleasure she'd just given him he felt almost proud of what she was overcoming and honoured that she put her trust in him to do so. His chest heaved and he leaned in, teasing her lips as best he could as he calmed down, not allowing himself to see the aftermath of what had just occurred.

Nell looked at him no differently, just in that way she had and she seemed to wait for him to speak but he could not. Smoothing his hair off his face she chewed her lip and at last she felt the courage to push the straps of her damp slip from her shoulders, letting it pool at her feet. Her hand was extended to him and he took it, his sight dumbfounded by her glorious skin and smooth curves. She was quite perfect and at last he understood why she had just done what she did. Nell needed to be sure she was safe with him and on her terms it seemed she was able to be more at ease with their intimacy. Carefully he helped her into the bath, before he himself slid in. They took some time to seat themselves comfortably, he seated in front of her, his head resting back against her collar bone.

Together at last they lay contented, the warm water encasing them in comfort and Richard considered himself the luckiest man alive.


	14. Drawing to a Close

_**AU: Hello all, will try and get another chapter up tomorrow after this one but then I am away for a while. In light of developments at the end of the second season, my fic is going to continue that Nucky made the alternative choice. Please review I hope you enjoy this. Some big events coming up in this fic.**_

**Chapter 13**

Their last day together was a mixed bag of feelings, emotionally charged yet blighted by the inevitable end that was coming. Try as they might, Nell could not feel that overwhelming swell of desire that allowed herself to give up her body to Richard. They would kiss and caress for a while, he managing to push down the top half of her dress and lavish attention on her neck, breasts and stomach. But then at the moment it seemed to natural progress, Nell went cold all over. She had reached out and physically stopped his hand from stroking up her thigh, her love for him never dimming but some a shadow killed her desire and left only fear. Richard saw how something only she could see, a memory played over her eyes, an unhappy time that shut her off from him. She rolled onto her side away from him, but he was not expecting her to cry and instead he let her have her moment to compose. His body was on fire, these spoiled moments added to his frustration, not with her but with all who had formed her into this troubled soul. The body that carried him was constrained, tight and burning up and he had no outlet and it would take him a while for his mind to overcome all of it.

Would she speak? He hoped she wouldn't' say she was sorry for there was nothing to be sorry for, not really. He would not take her beyond where she was comfortable and happy however hard it became for him. Richard watched her get up and walk to the bathroom, closing the door, he remained on the bed. His eye closed and his hearing sharpened, he could not hear a sound coming from within the bathroom. Ten minutes turned to twenty and before long it was nearly an hour she had been in there. Then he heard the sound of the taps running and it gave him hope. Within a minute the door was unlocked and a look from her invited him in.

She had sat behind him in the water, washed him, towel dried him then led him naked (though she was dressed in her wrap) to the bed and stroked his scalp gently, lulling him into a comfortable, dozy haze. When he was sufficiently sidetracked she had edged herself down the bed and before he was aware she began kissing his length teasingly. His head darted up, though still somewhat hazy but his body immediately rushed with the repressed urges of earlier and he hardened under her touch. Richard wanted to protest, tell her she didn't have to, imagining she didn't really want to but she took him in her mouth before the words escaped his lips. His head crashed back onto the mattress, his eye screwed shut and his hands gripped at the bedclothes as the early waves of pleasure built and built with the rhythm she moved with. He fought with himself to keep his hips from bucking and somehow he sensed he should not touch her, he was barely able to look at her for he was too overwhelmed.

As Nell worked he realised she was not just merely going through the motions, that could be done simply enough, he knew that. But her hand joined her mouth and she alternated between slow teasing strokes and movements to hollowing her cheeks and taking him suddenly nearly causing him to plummet there and then. When his release came, he groaned deep and loud, it was as though something profound was being exorcised from his body but she was with him all the way. The haziness of bliss seemed to surround him as he came down from his high, his body shaking with the aftershocks of his release. When he realised she was near him he reached out his arms to try and engulf her but instead she pressed his head to her chest and wrapped her own arms around him, she sitting up as he lay on her. Nell turned her attentions to massaging his scalp again and she whispered softly.

"Go to sleep, my dear."

"Hmm. But." He murmured sleepily "So. Little time."

"I'm here, it's alright."

And that was the last thing he heard before he drifted off to sleep. Some hours later when he awoke he found her arms still wrapped loosely around him, she had shuffled down slightly and had also fallen asleep. A small movement from him woke her and they looked at one another, realising the sky was growing darker and that mean their final night was upon them. Nell left the bed first, walking to the bathroom and splashing her face with cold water to arrest the final fragments of drowsiness, she cupped another handful and drank whilst she looked at herself in the mirror. Richard watched her all this time, feeling himself at such a parallel to her.

"Shall we go for a walk?" She called then re-emerged and began to dress herself, Richard freshened his own face and did the same and before long with no other exchange passing between them they were stood at the door facing one another. Those deep eyes looked at him and something brave within him stepped forward and taking her waist in his hands he brought his half masked lips to hers. Her own arms slipped about his neck and they clung together in a gentle exchange for a short time. Then they went out into the night, together.

It was a cool, clear night and the stars glimmered in the thick dark blanket of sky above their heads. The pair of them walked arm in arm around the streets idly and finally came to the water edge a little further down from the harbour. Here, they both seemed finally able to speak.

"Tomorrow. Hmm. What. Will happen?"

"I will go back."

"Alec was. Hmm. Expecting this."

"He doesn't know how deeply it runs."

"Hmm. Then why. Are you going. Back?"

"What choice do I have? He has been so kind to me, he saved me in a way. And I do care about him."

In truth Richard didn't really understand, they loved one another so why could she just not return with him? He promised he would wait for her and he would.

"Hmm. I love you."

"I know, but he needs me."

"He. Hmm. Doesn't." Richard said bluntly, surprised at himself though his emotions ran high. She now did not look at him but over the dark water lapping at the banks. "Hmm. He is a. Good man. But he will. Expect more from. You."

"Why do you think I'm going back?" She said roundly, brushing the hair from her face. "I am damaged, I am made for a certain way of life. I realised that today."

Nell moved nearer to him, her face illuminated by the moon, she looked unworldly and elfin just like Elsa used to do.

"Hmm. I don't. Want to. Lose you. Again."

"You can't have me like this, Richard. I can live this way with others but I couldn't with you. It would kill you. Besides, there are promises I made, people that matter. I know it doesn't make any sense but you will see one day. Alec needs me and he stepped in when I needed someone, I cannot forget that."

"Then what. Hmm. Do you. Want me to. Do?"

"I don't have a right to ask anything of you, but we both knew after these five days it would be over. I wish it could be different but I am not the girl you fell in love with." She explained, the sadness evident in her voice. Richard looked at her, pained and sad himself but deep down he understood what she meant. He only wished she could believe that however she came to him, he would accept and love her anyway. But he respected her sense of loyalty to Alec, for he had done the same when Jimmy had plucked him from that hospital.

"I will. Hmm. Still need. To see you. I know. This is. The last time we. Can be free to speak. But I need. To see you. To make things. Better."

"I'm glad you said that." She said and she touched his cheek, feeling the coolness of his skin from the breeze. His eye closed and he pressed himself more into her touch and it seemed like she was draining all that she felt into him. "I love you very much, you know."

"Hmm. What do you. Think will. Happen?"

"I think I am going to be become one of the centrepieces of one of the biggest gatherings of the infamous. It will be a historic moment."

"Hmm. I will be. There. Jimmy still isn't. Cared for much. Nucky spared. Him but. He is not. The same. Alec is kind. To do. Business with him. Few will. Even after. All this time." Richard explained, pain evident in his voice at the decline of his friend.

"So you see we both have parts to play."

Neither seemed overjoyed at this prospect for it was the logic which divided them. As they stared out over the dark water Richard sought Nell's hand and he held it in his own. She came in a little and leaned on him, her other arm wrapping around his front.

"I wonder what our ends will be Richard." She said quietly. Richard imagined his would be with a bullet, it is how he had always imagined dying, but he didn't speak a word in response. Her words made him leave go of her hand and draw her into his side in an embrace, his head resting against hers. Whatever had occurred during these five days, they had been happy and he would remember that till the end of his life. One thing he was certain of, there would be no other man on earth who would love her as constantly and faithfully as he would, whatever happened. For where Richard Harrow pledged himself, Richard Harrow remained steadfast, for those pledges of loyalty were what kept him alive. So tomorrow he would rise and he would see the day through.


	15. Captured

_**A.N I am now away till Wednesday so there won't be any more updates for a few days. Then the party literally gets started and we will find out a few things about Nell that we did not know. Thank you as every for any reviews you give me and I always welcome comments on my chapters. I don't think this chapter requires a hanky warning but there may be a little angst.**_

**Chapter Fourteen**

It was ten days later when Richard saw her again and the big party was only days away. The night before he had received a letter from Alec inviting him to share a late breakfast with them at his home and though a little unsure, Richard accepted. Alec had sent a driver for him and Richard watched as he was once again taken from the rough end of the city to the altogether more fashionable outskirts. Since stepping out of this same car ten mornings ago he had tried to keep himself busy by throwing himself into Jimmy's dealings again. But every night, alone in that sparse room his mind wandered back to the few days they had shared. And every night the thought came to him that she may now be in bed with Alec. He had conflicting views of Alec Hardiman these days, Richard resented the fact that he supposed he could control everything yet he remembered the man who allowed him to stay the night when he had nowhere and offered the olive branch of business to his closest friend.

Richard resolved to only think well of the man, he did not want to feel resentment towards him for he would feel enough jealousy. As he was shown in to the breakfast room he found Harriet and Alec seated awaiting his arrival, Nell was not yet present. Alec was fully dressed but Harriet was wrapped in a dark purple silk robe, her hair untamed yet falling attractively round her face.

"Good morning, Richard." Alec exclaimed, genuinely pleased to see him and he offered a seat to his right. Richard sat himself down and took the opportunity to observe Harriet, guessing she would be the most likely to betray any ill feeling from any new arrangements. Yet Harriet seemed as she always did, chipper and content with her lot. Richard allowed the maid to pour him some coffee but he did not wish to eat anything, his stomach a little too nervous for that.

"We are here and there at the moment Richard; this party will be the talk of the year when it is finished." Alec laughed.

"It's a three day affair, we've got lots of people coming as you know, Mr Rothstein and Mr Luxor from New York, Mr Capone and his associates from Chicago and sadly Mr Warren from Philadelphia." Harriet explained.

"Hmm. Eleanor mentioned. It." Richard replied normally.

"Jimmy has worked wonders getting us the liquor, it's even put Nucky in a good humour."

"Hmm. Nucky and Jimmy. Do not speak."

"No surprises there really." Alec laughed. "But then it's like the young to make mistakes, he'll come into his own again."

"Didn't his wife get killed?" Harriet asked and she saw Richard look a little pained. "I'm sorry."

"Manny Horowitz." Alec said in between mouthfuls. "It was a good thing when Nucky had him shot. Though it gave Warren more leg room."

"Angela. Hmm. Was a good. Friend of mine. She was. Kind and. A very good. Artist." Richard said finally, ignoring Alec and addressing Harriet who's searching eyes were on him. His words earnt him a smile from her.

With that the door opened and Nell entered, she likewise wearing an expensive silk robe and her hair bundled loosely on the back of her head, a few waves falling free here and there. As soon as she saw Richard she came forward and gave him her hand.

"Good morning." She said with a smile and then moved to kiss Harriet's cheek and then Alecs. Her seat was opposite Richard and he was relieved to see she was in no way sorry to see him.

"The paper, my dear." Alec said pushing it across to her. "I've read it."

"Thank you." She said and Richard saw her open it's leafs and begin sifting through, not asking for any food or drink to be brought.

"Hmm. Were the photographs. To your liking?" Richard asked.

"Oh yes, Eleanor rather outshone me though. She was very daring that day weren't you Eleanor?" Harriet babbled happily, Nell looked up but did not answer. "I told Alec he has to have one or two framed, she can't hide away now."

"There are some things I like to keep just for you my dear." Nell replied, smiling across at Alec. She looked across to Richard and said. "I saw your friend Jimmy with a young lady on the Boardwalk the other day."

"That. Hmm. Will be. Jenny."

"Is it serious?" She asked.

"Hmm. I don't know." Richard said. "I'm. Hmm. Never certain. With Jimmy."

"Was that the young woman he brought out the other week?" Alec asked and Harriet nodded. "Yes, she was quite charming."

"You think any woman charming." Harriet joked.

"Only two have charmed me sufficiently." Alec crooned in return expecting Nell to look up and acknowledge the compliment but she was intently reading something in the paper. Richard observed her serious expression, how her eyes seemed to drain every printed word for its truth.

"What has you so transfixed Eleanor?" Harriet asked.

Nell did not respond immediately her eyes still scanning the page but when she did look up her face looked somewhat saddened.

"What's wrong darling?" Alec asked.

"Walter Gaiman has been found shot dead." Nell said quietly.

"I know." Alec replied, seeming unmoved by the news. Richard kept his focus on Nell and he saw she blinked a little before shaking her head to compose herself. "That's one less person attending."

"He was on our list." Harriet clarified.

"Now he isn't."

"Alec." Nell said wearily, rising from her chair and moving to the window.

"What, did you know him?"

"In a fashion." She replied. "That is… I was aware of him when I lived in Philadelphia."

"What sort of man was he?" Harriet asked.

"Obviously a foolish one." Alec interrupted, seeming to care little for the upset it caused Nell. "If they found him with two bullets in his head."

"Hmm. Is that not. The currency. Of our world?" Richard interjected, feeling he should try and rise to Nell's aid in some way.

"Not my world, I provide the setting. I don't need to dirty my hands with the rest."

"I need a drink." Nell said quietly and she called for the maid and asked for a whisky. When Alec heard this he put down his cutlery and protested.

"It's ten o'clock Eleanor!"

"Let her be Alec!" Harriet returned, shushing him with a gesture of her hand and her voice lowered to a whisper. "She is upset. Perhaps that man was a little bit of kindness she knew whilst she lived with Warren."

Richard looked at Harriet for a moment with admiration, it distracted him from the temporary disdain he felt for his host. The maid returned with a glass of whisky and reluctantly handed it to Nell before leaving the room skittishly. Alec watched Nell take a few sips before shrugging his shoulders and continuing with his breakfast. It took Harriet and Richard some time longer to return to ease again, conscious of the frail looking Nell who stood staring out the window.

A few minutes of silence passed and no one moved, the clatter of cutlery and sipping of coffee seemed to fill the room. Harriet in her wisdom decided the tension must be broken and she said.

"Eleanor, why don't you show Richard the photographs."

Nell turned at last and looked at Richard, her face softening slightly. The glass she held had now been emptied and had brought a flush of colour to her cheeks.

"If you would like to see them?" Nell asked.

"Hmm. Yes. Please."

They moved from the room, Alec and Harriet watching them go. As they left the pair heard conversation resume in low tones again in the breakfast room until they walked to Alec's study.

"Hmm. Are you well?"

"That news has put me out a little bit, that is all."

"How do. Hmm. You know. Him?"

"He was a former associate of Warrens. They parted ways disagreeably."

"Hmm. They are. Not the first."

"No. But I think I can imagine who put those bullets in his head and why." Nell said gravely, her face looking down. Richard brought his hand up to caress her cheek and she managed to raise her eyes to him again. "I realised when I came back how much those five days saved me, Richard."

"Hmm. I haven't. Thought. Of much else."

Nell took out a brown paper packet and laid out the eight or nine photographs that Bailey had taken. Sadly Harriet was right, Nell had outshone her quite a bit yet she looked very pretty on them. His eye was drawn to the one of Nell, sat with her back to the camera on a chaise longue. A lined robe being her only clothing and she had pushed that to the edge of her shoulder blades and her head was turned to the side looking back at the camera. The image was breathtaking and despite her neutral expression, her eyes seem to look with such a deep intensity that Richard found it one of the most desirable things he had ever seen. No other person could have captured her this way, it was the way he had always seen her, strikingly disarming without having to try. Her hair hung loose and unstyled, her robe simple and her creamy skin partially exposed as those big eyes were called to look at the lense.

"Do you know what I was asked when that was taken?" She said quietly.

"Hmm. What?" Richard asked, his voice gravelly and thick.

"They asked me to imagine I was looking back and seeing someone I loved, stood by someone I hated."

"Hmm. Who. Did you. Hmm. Imagine?"

"Just you. Why would I want to imagine someone I hated? Of course they think I was thinking of Alec, it was my idea to have this done as a gift for him you see."

"Hmm. Then why. Think of me?"

"Because I needed to see the look in my eye for myself when I thought of you."

"Hmm. And now?"

"I have the evidence before me of what I realised in that hotel room."

Without another thought she reached up and kissed him, the tin of the mask cool on her lips contrasting the warmth of his flesh. Her hands cupped both sides of his face and when she pulled away again she stayed on her tiptoes, her forehead resting against his.

"He took me to bed four nights ago, he thought I was cured. I must have been like ice. It didn't stop him though."

"Hmm. Did he. Force you?"

"No, I gave myself up willingly but it was like I wasn't there. I don't know where I was."

She moved herself a little from him now, still looking straight at him. He saw a new emotion in her eyes that he had never seen before, it was shame. The voice she used was devoid of hurt or desperation, she sounded practical if anything and it pained him what she suffered with. It wasn't just about love making, she seemed penned inside herself, like part of her was a captive somewhere deep in her bones. Richard knew what that felt like.

"Hmm. Can you not. Tell him. You do not…"

"No Richard." She interrupted softly. "I can't. It is part of life is it not? Besides at least he is kind with it, he does not bully me or hurt me."

"Hmm. He knows. You are. Obliged to him. That is power."

"But I have been with far worse." Nell reminded him. "And thankfully I have known far better."

Here she touched his cheek again and his eye closed, the heat of her touch warming his body from the chill of her words. Could he not take her hand and walk out of here with her? Yes he only had a little room in a guest house and did Jimmy's bidding, but was it not better than anything she had here?

"Will you do something for me?" She asked at last, his eye opening again to look at her.

"Hmm. What. Could. I do?"

"Would you step out of the shadows and dance with me one of those evenings?"

Her request actually made him laugh slightly and the mood was lightened. Richard saw her smile at him and he could only reply jokingly.

"Hmm. You will. Owe me a. Debt."

They looked at one another, smiling faintly, their eyes locked. It was not perfect but it was so much better than before. Time brought them closer together and no one could rival that. At last Nell exhaled a sigh and nodded her head.

"I would be happy to be in your debt."


	16. A Girl who Changed

**A.N **_**This chapter is a set of drabbles from Nell's POV of events since she was separated from Richard at the end of Confluence. Hope it puts a few things in context. There should be some warnings here of sexual content, allusions to abuse and perhaps hankie warnings.**_

**Chapter 15**

The first evening of the three night grand soiree was upon them, its preparation had been meticulous and arduous but at last it was time to enjoy the night. Nell had been kept out of many of the preparations, not out of malice but perhaps due to her past connections Alec and Harriet felt it best to spare her the details. As she stood in her room, the large brass rimmed, oval mirror reflected the results of four hours of preparation back at her. She looked fit for the occasion, Harriet flitted in and out and every time had actually stopped dead to look at her.

"You look astounding." Harriet had exclaimed breathily. "You put me to shame."

Nell had humbly shaken her head and kissed her friend and when she was alone again she fumbled in her draws for her flask. She gulped at the liquor, it burned her throat and she could feel it flush her cheeks. Her hands were out before her and she saw them shaking violently, how she wished Richard were here. In the past the memory of him had helped her though some nightmarish times but now she needed the flesh and blood Richard to help her. But they weren't in the world of that hotel room any longer, he would be one among the many in that room and she must be dutiful and enchant and converse with everyone. Though all she wanted was to hide away.

The ghosts were all around her as she stared at herself in the mirror. It wasn't vanity that made her stand thus, but she looked deep into her own eyes trying to force down the fear, the anger and numbness. She needed to replace it with mystery and charm, to entrance and enthral all those around her for Alec. This was his night and afterwards it would belong to her and Harriet to, they were destined to become the talk and toast of the city. From the corner of her eye she imagined she saw him stood in the far corner and she turned in happiness, only to find it was her imagination playing hopeful tricks on her. She was alone, just as she was always alone. Yet it was at these times that he always seemed to be with her and she stood and considered this, the demons crawling from the dark space within her.

_Nora_

During her first two months with Harry Warren she had become his 'Nora' and the past of Nell Byrne was forced into memories of another time. The searing pain of being separated from Elsa had at first overshadowed her heartbreak with Richard. She had wept from the moment she had left the little girl sleeping in New York and though eventually the tears dried on her skin, she wept internally for much longer. But when the nightly demands of Warren began it was harder to force Richard out of existence, the memories of loving, intense pleasure and intimacy were invaded by the lust of a more powerful man. But Nora needed to survive and she decided that Richard and Elsa no longer existed in her world and she banished them to a corner of herself never to be acknowledged again. If she was to survive the hell she was living they needed to be sacrificed. The idea was easy, but the torrent of emotions had been much harder to conquer.

But the night she became certain she was pregnant brought Richard back to the forefront of her mind. Every memory, every word between them played out like a film and for a time it spared her any tears. It had been just over three months since she had last seen Richard and her body was starting to show signs of change. Before this she had been a little ill though part of this was brought on by periods of hysterical crying when the loss of Elsa became painfully acute. She was careful of showing any signs of true feeling in front of Warren for his possible impatience and quick temper frightened her. She had seen him beat a man's face to a pulp for barely any cause and time only made her more wary. But on this night Nora had become afraid for the sake of another now, the child inside her. Warren had not been so much a monster that he had taken her by force the night she had arrived, instead he had allowed her a week or two to grow accustomed to the change before he sought her out in bed. She never resisted but neither did she ever really respond. But his one act of compassion had brought about a problem now, there was no way she would be able to convince him it was his child she was carrying. At some point he would discover the truth and it had terrified her.

Here Richard flashed into her mind; she imagined lying beside him in the old house and no words needing to pass between them, only affection and understanding binding them tightly together. Warren tried so many times to coax passion from her to no avail, though she did everything required to ensure his own pleasure. But as every night passed she imagined herself growing colder and more distant. When he entered her body she seemed to drift to some icy waters and there she remained even now. As she looked down on her slightly thicker belly she remembered the first night Richard had made love to her. His warm hand had gently explored her, sending her skin shivering and tingling with a want she had never experienced before and it grew the more assured his touch became. Yes it had been painful the first time, she remembered how he stopped when her body tensed up, he did not know the reason and so she had gritted her teeth and allowed no tears to fall. Nothing would ruin that moment that would bind them, she had been determined in that. Perhaps it was that night that gave life to the child now growing inside her? Nell remembered how fondly he acted with Elsa who was no relation to him and she painfully imagined how overjoyed he would be at the knowledge of becoming a father.

She remembered every part of him and she considered how much of him might be in the child she carried? These ideas comforted her in a time of fear and uncertainty, concealment was managed for a little while longer but she had known it would only be a matter of weeks. But when the time came she had made herself a promise, her time with Richard Harrow would never be known to anyone else. It was a cherished time, a time she would remember as the last bit of happiness before the frost came. A time where she had had Elsa and she had fallen in love and finally known what it was to give herself over fully to what she adored. Those memories were the comfort in place of a pair of protective, loving arms that night and it meant Richard would never be quite lost to her.

_Walter Gaiman_

The second time Richard Harrow saved her was when she was being fucked. It was her penance for her pregnancy. Warren had not been near her since he had discovered the truth after four months of living with her. His assumption had been quickly conjectured, the father was Charlie Luxor and the bastard had seduced her to make Warren a laughing stock. Why else would he need Nora to spend a week with him in New York? Even the timing fit. Nell remembered the sound that the impact of his hand had made against her cheek when she had finally admitted the truth to him, it had sent her reeling a little backwards but she seemed distanced from the pain. She had slept alone, untouched and apprehensive of her fate for a further ten days then he had come back.

Here she was, resting on the bed on her hands and knees, a pair of hands gripping at her hips and the breathy groans filling the room. But it was not Warren that was now pushing himself in and out of her body, it was Walter Gaiman. She had met him several times and unlike Warren he was younger and more affable, he had charm but the kind that likely masked a more calculating brain. To atone for her humiliation of him Warren had demanded she allow Gaiman to make use of her body to help persuade him to join a risky deal. Gaiman clearly admired 'Nora' and it had not escaped Warren's notice. Nell had made no protest and she was ready when the hour came.

Her consolation was that Walter Gaiman liked her and therefore took some care of her feelings and her condition. His movements were careful and he did not hurt her. Indeed he rather took his time and as he fell into the pleasure of their interlude his mouth began to speak of how beautiful she was and his hand moved to stroke that spot that he knew brought women intense pleasure. At first Nell tensed and she had chanced to look back at him, he smiled at her and leaned forward.

"I'm sure I'd prefer you enjoyed this."

His strokes on her clit did cause some physical stir but it also was battling that cold, rigid part of her that this life had created within her and for a time she was not moved by it. But then her eyes had closed and suddenly she imagined she was back with Richard and it was he who was now making love to her. The images her mind created seemed real enough and Gaimans own touches became Richard's and they began to stoke a fire that flushed her skin and knotted the nerves within her. Moans began to escape her mouth she could not help it. Her body slid forward so that she rested only on her arms and Gaiman stretched himself over her, his movements deep and firm yet not rushed and they were sending her spiralling towards the release only Richard had ever given her. But it was still Richard she imagined, when kisses were pressed to her neck and shoulders they were from Richard's lips, the skin that slid across hers was Richard's. It was not she and Walter Gaiman inside her mind but Richard making passionate love to her yet again. The cry of release was sharp and audible and it was to be the last time that her body was to feel that fire or feel any desire tolay with a man.

For that same night Warren's hand had been brought down on her cheek again, several times in fact and he himself had taken possession of her body with far less care and attention than Walter Gaiman had. He had pulled her to the edge of the bed by her ankles and he pulled her hips roughly upward as he stood and pumped into her. She had meant to be a bargaining tool, not yet another means of humiliation. Warren was fully aware of the pleasure Gaiman had given her and it only added salt to the wound that he could in no way arouse her and it became the night he was past caring trying to. The memories of Richard Harrow could not spare her here.

Warren left Nell limp and aching, her legs hanging heavy off the side of the bed. She was soaked with sweat and she shook all over, yet her mind had burned in overdrive to separate herself from the onslaught he gave her, she would not be destroyed by him. That night she took permanent residence in this cold manner of coping that she conjured. It was a place Warren nor anyone else would find her, she was safe there. Only the fear for the baby could be registered in her shaking frame as she pulled herself into bed. The following days she took every care she could and though nothing became ill, she didn't feel anything like the girl she used to be.

_The Boy who would never be_

She had remembered the inky blackness overcoming her but none of the pain. When she had collapsed she had been an ailing mother to be who had no one yet who was free from the intense clutches of Harry Warren. But when she awoke she was no longer to be a mother, her baby was still born. The doctor had advised against her holding the small bundle in her arms but she had insisted, somehow managing to haul her weak frame up in the bed. They only allowed her five minutes alone with him, her little boy who would never be. Yet Nell had found herself talking to him, telling him about his father and his sister Elsa who he would never meet. She had kissed two of her fingers and pressed them against the soft, dewy tissue of his forehead as she wept and told him she was sorry.

Then they had taken him and she was alone and desolate in a clinical hospital bed as the pain of yet another thing she loved being ripped from her smashed all her defences. Alec came and visited her every day, she barely knew him aside from the lift he had given her some weeks before and she was aware of the connection people assumed between them. But she did not care, she had lost what mattered, the rest was hellish and irrelevant. But Alec and his kindness and hope brought her round until the months of emotional fraughtness and physical ware culminated in a fever that nearly took her own life.

Her hallucinations had been of Richard, some were awful and nightmarish were she was watching him walk away from her or she had lost him in a crowd yet some were comforting memories. But when the doctors plucked her from ill health the man she had found sitting by her bed was Alec and he had asked her who Richard was. It was there that she decided that was to be her sons name to, named for his father. This was told to Alec and once again her time with Richard was safe and guarded preciously by her. The secret that she kept, the one thing that was still hers amidst all her pain.

_Eleanor_

Eleanor Byrne was always told she was beautiful. Alec Hardiman was kind and took every opportunity to tell her. He had visited everyday and as everyday passed she gradually grew stronger, the colour returned to her cheek and her healthy frame returned. But he must have known his words did not confirm her return to her former glory. So began the trips to the various photographers who had her stood, seated, looking left, right, forward towards the camera trying to capture the way her hair fell, her depths of her eyes and everything else that was beautiful. Harriet joined in the compliments and the pictures and soon Eleanor wondered if she really was beautiful. But being told soon seemed to become a distant echo and somehow whatever kindness was meant it became meaningless. Eleanor Byrne started to look backwards at a time when she had felt beautiful.

It had been the way Richard Harrow looked at her, she never felt so adored as when she caught him observing her. So many times before they had joined that night she had seen him staring at her with such intense emotion that it rooted her to the spot. Her hair alone had transfixed him and she had started wearing it down purposefully because she knew how he found it exquisite. Looking back she was amazed by her own boldness in inviting him to share a bed with her merely for sleeping only then to finally lie naked waiting for him. Only he could have made her feel lovely enough to take such a step, for she knew she was adored. No kiss, touch or look would ever mean half as much from another as it had done from him. But no photographer, word, deed or look could convince her she was still the promising Nell Byrne, she was Eleanor. So one day she took a pair of scissors and handed them to Harriet for she was more fashionably aware than she herself.

"I want you to cut it."

"But it is so lovely."

"I'm not a fresh faced girl anymore. If I'm going to look worthy to be on Alec's arm I need to look the part."

After the deed was done and she looked down at the cut hair she imagined Richard would have possibly wept at its loss. She however saw it as an exorcising of the past, she owed Alec everything and she would be how he saw her for what else could a steel hearted woman offer?

_A Face in the Crowd_

Alec's parties were smaller scale in Philadelphia, but they were always bustling with business and intrigue and there was never a dull moment. Eleanor was now accustomed to liquor, late nights, good clothes and jazz. She and Harriet would dance, converse and look good on their saviours arm and she would pretend that all this was a life that mattered. Eleanor devoted herself to Alec for she truly cared about him though not in a romantic way. He tried his hardest to show her a life where she was worth everything, the least she could do was seem as though she believed it.

She imagined she saw Richard often, at times a mirage of his person seated somewhere in a corner or standing observing her would appear and her eyes would stare in disbelief. She could also never ignore how the sight of him made her heart feel a little more hopeful. But it was only a mere mockery of her brain. How lonely a crowd of faces can be when there is no one there you long to see, only strangers and snap judgements. Even after a year with Alec and the routine of these gatherings part of her always hoped she would see him somewhere, always fearing how she would be if she did. At times she caught a glimpse of herself, cold eyed and fashionably made over and she laughed at herself harshly.

'He would not recognise you anyway.' She would say to herself and finally after one painful mockery too many she banished him from her mind for good.

Then one day in Atlantic City, a day she knew was coming she was seated at a table dressed to the nines as the beautiful, mysterious Eleanor when the unchanged Richard Harrow had walked to her table and at that moment everything had to change.


	17. Looks can be Deceiving

**A.N**_** Thank you for the reviews, we're building up to a climax and I imagine there will maybe be five or six more chapters at most. Please keep letting me know what you think, I really appreciate it.**_

**Chapter Sixteen**

Heads turned when Alec Hardiman walked into the grandly set up room, the ambience was already lively yet with a self awareness of competing powers within the walls. He had entered finely tailored in a navy blue suit with grey pinstripe and as planned on each arm were Harriet and Eleanor. Harriet was a vision in plush crimson velvet with an embroidered pattern which rested just past her knee, exposing her slender calves. Her hair was fixed back with a gold clasp with two red rose buds and her rouged lips curved upwards into a smile as she looked at all around her with a sense of accomplishment. She held heavy on her lovers arm. Richard took her in, she was a pretty girl and a nice girl with it but as the trio passed him his eyes naturally fell on Nell. Her dress length was longer and the shade of blue correlated well with Alec's own tailoring.

But Richard like many others was caught by the sight of the cutaway from the back which exposed her slender shoulders and smooth contoured spine which he had once viewed as creamy perfection. It was a bold move, he never would have imagined her to show off such a well hidden part of herself yet she did not look cheap or vulgar with the cut. On the contrary it caused much chatter around him and she was perceived as some form of unattainable ideal that was alluring and erotic to the eye. Her arm hung loosely in Alec's and her face wore a soft, contented expression but not the easy joy that Harriet displayed. It was this composure that added even more to her allure to the strangers around her, what was that look in her eye? What was a girl like that thinking? Richard knew some of what she felt and thought and he guessed enough to know she was playing a part and she was doing it wonderfully.

Jenny was leaning into Jimmy and whispering something in his ear but Richard ignored them, he watched instead as Nucky Thompson crossed a circle of space vacated in the centre and put out his hand to Alec. The girls dutifully dropped their arms and Alec shook Nucky's hand firmly and they exchanged a greeting. Margaret then came forward and also greeted him, she looked very fine in an ivory embroidered gown and she seemed to meet Harriet and Nell with ease. The five of them took up a table and the band struck up a tune helping those eager and itching to get up and dance. Jimmy and Jenny observed after some time that Nell's head slowly turned and she scanned the room nonchalantly appearing to focus nowhere in particular.

"Who's she looking for?" Jenny giggled. "A roving eye, I'd know that look anywhere!"

"Is that how you found me?" Jimmy laughed, the alcohol thick in his voice. Richard's eye stayed on Nell and he found himself turning to look round for Warren. But if Nell had spotted anyone her composed gaze did not betray it and she didn't even find her eyes looking towards him. He was disappointed, she looked so beautiful and he so wanted her to spot him, just to be blessed with a glance from her might make him feel less out of place. For however fine she was dressed up she belonged here no more than he did, oh she fitted in wonderfully but she belonged in a place where she was admired and loved, not lusted after.

"You alright, Richard?" Jimmy asked groggily a little while later when he'd finally allowed Jenny to give him a moment to breathe.

"Hmm. Yes." He replied.

"Violet's been asking Jenny about you, she's guessed you're getting your kicks elsewhere."

Jimmy's free speech was not really appreciated at the moment but Richard bore with it with patience.

"It's like you. Hmm. Said. You don't. Make love. To whores. Maybe I'm. Tired. Of. Trying."

Jimmy laughed and patted him on the shoulder. The night Jimmy had made his peace with Nucky and got justice for Angela he had told Richard it was 'time to come home' but Richard was never sure how exactly he was meant to do that. Now he looked across at Nell who was dancing with Truman and it made perfect sense.

It was three hours before she found her way to him, the room was heaving with intoxication and revelry and yet the testosterone seemed pungent. Nell had managed to catch his eye and they found a corner of the room where at least the music did not seem quite so loud. Richard was wearing the new suit that he had first arrived at the hotel in but he felt somewhat small next to the men in this room.

"I counted the minutes." She said. "I have had to do the dutiful rounds, I could retire to bed but there is so much to do."

"Hmm. You look. Beautiful."

"So everyone says, but from you that actually means something. You saw me in my raggity days."

A small laugh nervously escaped her lips and she rubbed one of her bare arms.

"Hmm. However. You're dressed. It doesn't. Change you."

"Tonight it does I'm afraid." She said moving in and he felt two of her fingers dare to brush against his hand. "It helps hide so much."

"What. Hmm. Do you. Need to hide?"

"Everything. I have spotted all of them, the old faces I used to know from Philly and New York. I know what they are all thinking."

"Can you. Not. Hmm. Walk away. Alec would. Understand." Richard said taking hold of her hand and running his thumb across the knuckles of it.

"No I can't. I will face them all."

She had to remove her hand from his and yet her eyes broke past the composed façade and seemed to show him that she still cared deeply for him inside.

"Hmm. Then. You must. Get back."

"You haven't forgotten your promise to me?" She said.

"Come. Hmm. Find me when. You're ready."

But it was Harriet who found him later, she pulled him to the bar and Truman Marshall joined them for a drink.

"She has danced my feet off!" Truman exclaimed, clearly out of breath. He patted Richard's shoulder. "It's good to see you. Isn't this marvellous?"

"Hmm. It is. Impressive."

"A lot of fatigue I can tell you." Harriet groaned as she gulped down a drink. "The hardest bit was getting some opponents willing to take on Rothstein. Otherwise he wouldn't have come and we wouldn't have Luxor."

"Ah the famous Mr Luxor, where is he?" Truman asked searching the crowd until Harriet subtly pointed him out. He stood with a large group of people in deep conversation, his aquiline profile making him stand out compared to many of his balding counterparts. His suit was chic and black and his strong, broad shoulders held him with dignity. "He will set hearts a flutter in here tonight."

"He brought two girls with him." Harriet explained and Richard only listened as he observed the man they discussed. So this was the man that changed everything.

"Whores?"

"Naturally."

"It's like Noah's ark, every man is bringing two of a kind."

"And what are we then?" Harriet asked almost annoyed, her eyebrows raised.

"Doves my dear, everyone other woman in here is a gull except you two."

"You're shameless!" Harriet flirted, her face changing from sternness to a smile.

"Hmm. How has. Eleanor been. Since she. Saw him?" Richard butted in, little caring for the silly turn in the conversation.

"I don't think she has spoken alone with him yet, we're managing to keep Warren in a corner at any rate. That's partly thanks to you isn't it Truman?"

"Begrudgingly." Truman laughed. "He's not an easy man to like."

"You don't have to like him, just occupy him."

"Hmm. You can't. Believe. You can. Keep her. Safe. From. Those nightmares. By. Occupying. Him." Richard said, his stern tone could not be misinterpreted. Harriet's eyes widened and Truman's own smile vanished. A look of guilt flashed over the young woman's face and she touched Richard's arm.

"I don't like giving her pain, Richard." She said mournfully. "But this business is bigger than even the hurt Eleanor has gone through. You know that."

Yes he did know that, he knew that all too well.

"Besides…. She looks well tonight, almost happy I'd say!" Truman said trying to console the situation. Richard drank a sip of his whisky and decided to relent his part in the conversation for he would only betray himself further. His eyes drifted over again to Charlie Luxor and he considered whether he would rather put a bullet in him or Warren if he ever had the opportunity. But then the thought occurred to him, this man was Elsa's father and likely she loved him very much. What right would anyone have to deprive her of that? Did he not see everyday how Tommy seemed a little lost without his mother, Elsa had lost her real mother and Nell so to lose a father would be cruelty itself.

Sometime later an associate of Alec's who Eleanor was at that moment keeping company brought her to the circle of men and women that included Charlie Luxor. Richard was near enough to hear fragments of conversation and his entire body tensed as he watched the two meet for the first time since she was sent from New York. Various exchanges overshadowed initial greetings but Nell looked as though she were meeting him for the first time. But after some minutes Luxor made a move nearer to Nell and this allowed Richard more of a window into their exchange, though Nell did not seem aware of his presence. To begin with the conversation went unnoticed but slowly the rest of the circle turned their attentions to the pair, perhaps aware to part of their history.

"How do you find the high society life?" Luxor asked.

"It is not my first time remember." She answered. "But I like it well enough; the music, the clothes…"

"What about the company?"

"That too, on occasion."

"Now?"

"Debatable." She said with cool confidence, the kind that many women employed to entrance men by stinging them. Some of the circle laughed nervously, others went quiet for to their knowledge Luxor was not a man to be joked with.

"Don't worry." Luxor replied to the circle, calming them with a gesture of his hand before taking a gulp of liquor. "Eleanor and I have known each other a long time; she was much younger and greener then. She was very attached to my daughter Elsa and looked after her for a time after her mother's death. But I raise a glass to her now, for look at her you would not even guess she missed her."

The sarcasm in his voice demanded a sparring match and Nell looked him square in the eye as the others quaked around them. Everyone else seemed unsure whether to laugh or worry but Richard watched Nell and he truly could not tell what she was feeling. Nell's head gestured to one of the whores Luxor had brought with him and she replied softly.

"Looks can be deceiving or at least I hope so. Otherwise I greatly misjudged your affections for Betty for there has always been someone on your arm ever since."

The mention of Betty finally silenced the circle; an audible intake of breath from a stranger next to Nell could be heard even from where Richard sat. He saw Alec's associate start to step in with the intention of changing the situation but Luxor put out his hand and took a step nearer to Nell.

"I loved her."

"That can count for very little in your world. But I am glad you concede to try."

As Richard listened, it was as though it was a strangers voice he was hearing for it was not Nell. The look in her eye seemed cold and calculating and her face employed that look of seductive woman, the kind that could employ cruelty to ignite passion. He watched as Luxor took Nell's hand and examined her slight fingers.

"This girl has learned to scratch at last."

"From a man who knew just how to cut." She replied, her voice even softer, so soft Richard could barely hear it. It was as though she were a predator lulling her prey into a false sense of security. But what he imagined would turn Luxor to anger actually caused him to laugh, really laugh. In fact Luxor could not stop laughing and eventually he took Nell's hand and kissed it, thanking her. What was happening? She was sniping at his expense and he was laughing, Richard truly did not understand this relationship at all and it only served to further alienate him from her.

"Oh my dear." Luxor said merrily as he gulped more at his whisky. "I needed that, so few dare to do that. Did Warren teach you to be like this?"

Luxor's arm slipped round Nell's shoulders and he pulled her into his side with all the familiarity of an old friend. Richard watched as she did not resist him and it made his heart sting with jealousy for across that face of the woman he loved broke a smile. A natural smile and her eyes seemed to light up and look at Luxor.

"A teacher is supposed to be patient and clever. I cannot reconcile those qualities to him. Though he imagines himself some sort of master." Nell said pointedly and her eyes seemed to guide the entire circle to look behind them over to a table where Warren now sat. Warren was himself watching the circle of people, particularly Nell and Luxor and at their sudden attention his brow seemed to darken. Richard noticed all this and his intuition told him that this was dangerous and he would tell Nell so himself when he got a chance.

"No." Luxor chuckled, his eyes looking back to Nell, his arm still around her. "I agree with you there Nell. But a master yes, just likes your new beau. He seems to think he is the master of men."

"No Charlie." She replied moving from his side and wagging her finger at him. "He's not a master of men, but he makes it his business to be the master of the situation. And he is. Not even you could have accomplished all this. To do so you must have your feet resting firmly on the bottom of the pond, but you still look back to the bank."

The crowds temporary security seemed to decrease again at her latest jibe but it seemed just what Charlie was in the mood for and he once again laughed.

"Absolutely. I don't want a bullet in my head."

"You are wiser than I believed then."

"Is that a compliment after all this attacking?" Luxor asked incredulously.

"Of course. But I know how you dislike sycophants so it is always good to pinch at your ego first." She said smoothly, her confidence fitting her like a glove and she now held the entire circle of people in the palm of her hand. But from where Richard sat it seemed Nell only saw the man in front of her, no one else seemed present. It was a sickening sight to him.

"Just like she used to." Luxor said, his bravado dropping somewhat and his face seeming more serious. Nell smiled at him, a look of sadness in her own eye too.

"Just so." She said and they held a gaze that finally broke Richard and he walked away, not knowing if she had known he was there or whether she saw him leave. People seemed to concentrate around him as he tried to escape the suffocating air in the room, but it was in fact his own emotions which oppressed him. He courteously weaved and ducked through the crowd, ignoring a call from Truman and he made his way outside. There in the cool inky blackness of the night he found a quiet space and he paced back and forth.

He hated this world they lived in and what it forced them to be. When alone she was sweet, kind and it was like she understood him inside and out. But in there, in that world who was she? What was she? Then a voice struck deep inside of him and he was ashamed of thinking ill of her.

"This world made her that way. You set her on that path and you weren't there to save her."

The words punctured his frustration and he wanted to hit his fist against the wall but he didn't. Instead he rested his forehead against the cool brick of the building, hearing the lure of the music, voices and clinks coming from within. Richard wanted nothing more than to walk away but he would not and why? Because all he cared for was in there, to step away from this world would be to lose friendship and love. Jimmy needed him and he needed Nell. His chest inhaled the air greedily and he felt himself calm somewhat and he looked up at the moon. Who else looked up at it she always pondered and she of course meant Elsa. His mind remembered that little imp and what a beautiful nature she had. Suddenly it clicked into place and he could have struck himself for his foolishness. Of course Nell would play up to Luxor for he held in his hand the ability to make her happy again. He could give her Elsa.

Richard knew he had to harden himself and bear what he saw, knowing it was merely a part to be played. The real Nell, his Nell still waited for him, wanted him, she just wanted the only other thing she loved too. And who was he to think ill of her for that? Straightening up his jacket Richard Harrow re-entered the party a resolved man, he may feel inferior in every other aspect compared to all these great men, but he had the one thing that made them all irrelevant. He had Nell.


	18. Another's Empire

**Chapter 17**

The following morning was far less rosy than the night before and Richard cursed himself for becoming sidetracked. Whilst he had kept his eye on Nell all night, his eye had let Jimmy out of sight. Jimmy had not forgotten the personal troubles Harry Warren caused him over two years ago and after intoxicating himself on drink and drugs with Jenny he had ended his night with a harsh beating outside the party. His face was badly bruised and one eye was cut, he also struggled to move after the number of kicks brought down on his chest and abdomen. Jenny had rushed in and begun ranting wildly to Harriet who had seamlessly dealt with the situation and neither Alec nor Nell knew till the following day.

Jimmy now rested in one of Alec's guest rooms and Harriet had called for a doctor, by the time Richard was informed it was morning and he found his friend being nursed by Nell. The anger consumed Richard as he looked upon his battered friend but his awareness of Jimmy's continued destructive streak only served to make him angrier. Nell was cooling Jimmy's head with a damp cloth and her own eyes were dark and heavy and though she was dressed she looked more 'raggity' as she put it than usual.

"Why. Hmm. Was I not. Told. Last night?" Richard asked hoarsely and this made Nell flinch.

"Harriet wanted to keep it quiet. Alec is not very happy this morning for it meant she left early without a word. She stayed up with him all night, so I took over today."

"Then. Hmm. I owe her. A lot of thanks. I just wish. I had not. Let him. Out of. My sight."

"I understand that he… that he started bad mouthing Warren but that it was Warren's men that did this." Nell said carefully.

"Hmm. I imagine. Warren wasn't. In a very good. Mood before then."

Richard wasn't laying the blame at her door, but clearly her show last night with Luxor at Warren's expense can't have helped matters. As though feeling the underlying sting of his meaning Nell got up and stepped away from Jimmy.

"Then perhaps I don't have the right to sit here after all." She said coolly. "Excuse me."

As she passed by him and left the room he had an urge to reach out and stop her, apologise but he was too angry at the sight of his friend. Richard approached the bedside and took up the seat which Nell had just left, her delicate perfume still lingering in the air and he looked at the two protruding, heavily bruised eyes that were closed. Sometimes Richard felt that Nucky forgiving Jimmy was the worst thing for since then Jimmy's restlessness seemed to return, only now he was even lower than before and shunned by many. Drink, drugs and Jenny were pastimes in between scraping together their living and these great gatherings that Alec Hardiman organised only gave Jimmy chance to fail.

So Alec Hardiman was angry was he? Well fuck Alec Hardiman was all Richard could think, Harriet, if anything was to his credit. Her behaviour was compassionate for she could have stood by and done nothing and whatever the underlying cause for her to act was he didn't care. She was a good woman and he would thank her. A maid came in and asked for Richard's presence in the breakfast room and when he entered he found a tired looking Alec seated by a muted Nell. Alec looked up at Richard and seemed somewhat stern.

"How is Mr Darmody?" He asked.

"Not too. Hmm. Good."

"Well he can rest here. Out of harms way. Though we sent his young lady home." Alec explained.

"That is. Hmm. For the best. Thank you."

"Harriet said she didn't stop wailing , I've never been able to stand effected women."

"I don't think she was quite used to seeing someone beaten to a pulp in front of her before." Nell said quietly, adjusting her napkin nervously on her lap, her eyes not rising to either of them. Richard was thankful for her words though as it meant he was not required to say anything, he sat down and watched as Alec turned to Nell.

"Perhaps not." He said. "But because of all this I had to hold the fort on my own last night."

"No you didn't, I was there." Nell replied.

"I think the less said about that the better."

"No say it. I would rather you did."

"Well to any observer you would seem to have been Mr Luxor's companion for the night not mine."

Richard looked at Nell who was now staring at Alec almost defiantly. Their relationship seemed to switch to a father berating a daughter, but the look in Alec's eyes spoke only of a jealous lover. For a moment he forgot about Jimmy lying not far away in pain and he could only watch and wait for the impending explosion that he believed was about to occur.

"I believe I danced with you, spent time with you then I went and conversed with several others you know. Only then did I go anywhere near Charlie."

"Charlie! You spent the rest of the evening with him!"

"What of it? You're the one that forced me into his company; did you want me to cower in a corner from him? I wasn't going to crumble in his presence; I was merely making a point to him." Nell explained, her voice firm but she did not sound angry. As Alec appeared to let his emotions rise to the surface, Nell in turn seemed to cool in Richard's eyes and her protective glaze fell on her and would not be penetrated.

"Please don't tell me after all this time you're still hoping he'll relent do you?"

"No. But you can't expect me to not to spend time with a man who could give me some news of how Elsa is doing? You forget she was my child."

"You were not her mother, Eleanor!" Alec said exasperated but in a tone that seemed to want to be cruel to be kind. This however had the opposite affect for Nell rose from the table though her composure could not have been stronger. "Now come on don't storm off!"

"I wouldn't dream of it, that would make me an effected woman. But you forget I have lost two children. She was given to me as a baby and I'm the only mother she's known. But I won't say anymore for it would be a waste to try and explain a situation I swore you understood."

Her composure brought out the vulnerable side in Alec and Richard saw how he thrust out his hands and gripped hers, begging her to look at him.

"I'm sorry Eleanor." He said. "I am. I suppose it made me a little bit jealous."

"You said to me jealousy was a young man's game. Maybe this doesn't quite work after all. What have I given you in recent days? You even sent me away with Richard to try and 'help me'. I'm not going to be shouted at and told what to do, if this will not work then I shall not join you all tonight."

"Of course I want you to come down tonight. I just want you to be careful; he will not give you what you want."

Richard felt like he was invisible but he didn't mind, he only looked at Nell's face still and saw how she seemed to close her eyes gravely and she withdrew her hands.

"You have not listened to a word I just said." She said quietly and Richard expected her to make an exit, but instead she sat down in her chair again and continued with her breakfast. Her veneer of distance was genuine enough, it was like when he first met her again and now more than ever he wanted to say something but he could not. Alec looked on Nell for a moment seeming to know he couldn't really get to the real her, so he to silently returned to his breakfast, though Richard noticed he tackled it with far less enthusiasm than before.

Sometime later Richard was sat back by Jimmy's side when his friend came round barely able to observe him through his bruised eyes.

"Where am I?" Jimmy asked groggily.

"Hmm. At Alec. Hardimans. House."

"I asked Warren if he still poached other people's business."

"Hmm. Yes." Was all Richard could reply at his friends recount of his foolishness.

"You don't approve?" Jimmy laughed through a painful groan. "Maybe I went too far asking if the loss of his men's fingers improved their work."

"Hmm. You can't. Keep doing. This." Richard stated.

"Why not?"

"You said to. me once. That. Hmm. I needed to 'come home'. I think that. You're the. One that. Needs to."

"Is that why you're still here?"

"We're. Hmm. Soldiers."

"Maybe you need to go away from me Richard, maybe you need to let me do this to myself if I want to. Don't choose to stand by and watch."

Richard shook his head and said no more and Jimmy seemed to understand he didn't want to discuss it. Soon he drifted back off to sleep and Richard just looked at him again. He heard voices outside in the grounds and he got up and moved to the window. He saw Alec stood a little way from Eleanor and he watched as they talked civilly until Nell came forward and kissed him. Richard's stomach could only lurch as he watched her take Alec's hand and lead him into the house for what he knew perfectly well would be another surrendering of her body. He could not understand why any of this was not simpler and why everything was so grey.

As the day drew on he was invited to ready himself at the house for the second evening's events and he caught a moment with Harriet and thanked her with every bit of gratitude he could verbalise. She had kindly responded by kissing him on the cheek and they conversed a little which cheered him. It was one last remark however that Harriet made that stuck with him.

"They have made up; they just forget sometimes what means everything to the other. Alec gets lost in her and she is so lost in herself you see. But this party, it's his empire, his Kingdom, all the others have one and he needs one too. Eleanor and I are part of what makes that but I just don't think she's really here."

"Then where is she?" Richard asked.

"I don't know, I just worry that something will snap one day and she won't be able to control it. I think she wants to show them, I know I would." Harriet explained softly and taking his hand she said. "I know how Alec wanted you to help her but I think you do something more. Don't ever lose sight of her will you?"

"I. Hmm. Need to."

"Why?"

Here Richard wanted to tell the truth but it was too hard, so instead he made a joke of sorts.

"Because I. only have. One eye. Hmm. I need. To keep that one. On Jimmy."

"Then I shall have to try my best." Replied Harriet who sounded disappointed and he was sorry to make her feel so, but neither he nor Nell were free. They were each carving a path in another's empire, but never quite free enough to be their own person. And so the evening fell and the second nights revelry commenced and a new storm began to brew.


	19. Waiting

**Chapter 18**

There are those moments in time when though everyone in the room lives and breathes, time seems to stand still. As the second night of the party frittered its way into the early hours with drink and good company, some people's true natures began to show themselves. Richard witnessed people seducing one another in dark corners, back stabbing, heroin and general merriment at the expense of others. But amidst all this were two girls, glowing embers in a withering fire and they were magnificent. Tonight Harriet grabbed Nell up to dance and they twirled around the floor together, Nell actually letting her guard drop a little to laugh. Harriet was in a deep blue and looked the prettiest Richard had ever seen her; her inside beauty seemed to be enhance her external charms. Nell tonight wore a burnt red, her back once again exposed though the cut was a little shorter. They both looked elegant, exotic and yet most definitely the property of Alec Hardiman.

But this was not the moment that seemed to make time stand still. Nell was a permanent fixture on the dance floor determined to make more of an effort not to displease Alec. Her partners were vast and many; Alec, Harriet, Truman and she had promised Richard she would seek him out until someone else monopolised her. Harry Warren peeled her away from another party goer and his offer of a dance was done humorously, clearly expecting to fluster Nell. Richard watched Alec shift forward in the crowd as though to intervene but as the room stilled despite the music all eyes were on the pair. Richard could hear his own heart thud in his chest and his hair stood on end. The man was a bastard, had he not tormented her enough? Of course she would have to either submit to dance with him or run away, either would cause her pain. Alec looked on, his posture rigid though his face remained calm. The tension rose and seemed unbearable until Nell herself broke it. Stepping forward she placed a hand on Warren's shoulder and rested the other in his hand and she said.

"I hope your step has improved."

"As much as your demeanour." He retorted.

"Then we shall do very well."

When they started to move alongside other couples the room seemed to exhale with relief, but three pairs of eyes watched keenly from their positions and Richard in turn watched them. Harriet looked rather proud of Nell, Alec looked on standby to intervene and Luxor… well he looked intensely amused. As the dance continued Richard saw the pair spoke to one another, Nell looking Warren in the eye continually. With Truman or Alec, Nell's frame would allow her a slight closer proximity to them, but with Warren there were a few inches between their bodies. Warrens hand was on the centre of her back and he seemed to enjoy stroking his thumb on the silken flesh exposed to him. This made Richard's blood boil, he'd have liked to take out his colt and shoot the bastard where he stood. This was the man who was when all was said and done had caused the death of his child, caused Nell another loss which she carried with her always.

Finally the dance came to its conclusion and Richard moved forward a little but out of the corner of his eye he saw another key player move forward. It was Luxor. He approached the spot where Nell and Warren stood and he exchanged words with Nell, completely ignoring her partner. The expression on Warren darkened and his fists curled inward but then Luxor addressed him in some general way which only seemed to anger him more. But Nell seemed determined not to be part of this game and she caught Richard's eye and abandoned both men for him.

"We've talked about doing this for some time. Will you dance with me now?" She asked, a small smile appearing on her face as her emerald eyes seemed to brighten for him.

"Hmm. I should. Have asked. You." He replied.

"I can step over to the bar if you like and you can come over."

"That. Wouldn't. Hmm. Be much of. A surprise." He laughed quietly.

"Then what are we to do?"

"Dance. Hmm. Tonight. But tomorrow. I must. Get to you. First."

Warren and Luxor had disappeared back to their original tables and the moment she took Richard's hand it was though they were forgotten. The melody was slow and taking up an intimately respectable stance they started dancing, his mind journeying back to when they danced in Chicago.

"Are you. Hmm. Alright?" Richard asked.

"I'm the best I've been all evening."

"But. Warren. Hmm. Did he. Say anything to. Upset you?"

"Not really. The best thing with him is to not rise to anything he deals and I know him well enough that if I wished to I could snap him in two." She explained. "But I don't want to talk about him."

"Hmm. I would. Like to see you." Richard said quietly near her ear which under the circumstances was rather daring of him. Nell pretended to laugh as though he'd made a joke and he felt the skin of her slender back flush under his hand.

"Shall we take a walk by the sea tomorrow morning?" She suggested and he nodded in reply, their eyes meeting for a second then she looked away. "I shall bring a book and we can sit and read. What would you like?"

"Hmm. What are. You reading?"

"Jane Eyre. But I might bring some poetry instead. More appropriate for the beach."

Richard laughed quietly near her ear and he felt her shiver a little, without realising they had moved closer to each other but as Richard looked over her shoulder he saw Harriet nodding at him.

"Have you. Hmm. Managed to. Reconcile yourself. To things?" Richard asked trying not to let the pain and jealousy become betrayed in his voice. Nell looked at him, really deep inside him and her eyes seemed to darken.

"When you were a soldier," She asked. "And you were given orders, even those that frightened you or gave you that sickening feeling deep inside, did you do them?"

"Yes. Hmm. Every time."

"I respond to everything, I just wish I felt those things. But I don't feel anything. I can act but I can't feel." She said rather matter of factly, no emotion or sorrow in her voice. She smiled at him, her hand squeezing his. "Only one man ever made me feel anything and right now I feel more dancing with him then I do when I have one of them pushing themselves inside me."

"Hmm. I used to. Think more. Of something. Than it. Actually was. That is. If I felt. Anything at all. There was a girl. A prostitute. Called Odette. For a long time. I thought about her. Dreamed about her. But then. One day. I realised. It didn't mean anything."

"When was this?" Nell asked softly.

"Hmm. The day I. Met Jimmy."

Nell nodded in understanding and she smiled at him before looking around the room. His own eyes followed the path of hers and he saw no one seemed interested in them; it was as though they were in their own world again. But the minutes were going by and they knew soon it would be at an end.

"Do you. See. Hmm. Your hand. Resting on. My shoulder. I remember the. First time. You did that. You hadn't thought. About what. You were doing. But. It was one of. The only times. Someone genuinely. Reached out to. Me. You weren't disconcerted. By me." He said quietly, his voice heavy with emotion but he felt happy recalling it, he was glad to tell her how something small had affected him so much.

"I remember the way you used to look at me when I walked in the room." She replied. "You still look at me like that, even now."

"I felt. Hmm. Like you chose. Me that. Day. That first time."

"Just as Jimmy did."

"It's hard. Hmm. Sometimes. But. I think about. You. All the time. Every thought. Is for you. But. The things I do. Hmm. I do for him. Do you. Hmm. Understand?"

Nell nodded and squeezing his hand again she sighed as the rhythm concluded and other couples started to slow and end their own dances. The pair of them stopped and Richard's hand dropped from her back though their joint hands lingered a second longer together. They applauded the band and then she leant in and said.

"What you just said…. I am… the same… don't ever think…. Whatever I do… that I don't think of you always. I never stopped and I never will."

He watched her eyes pinpoint Alec in the crowd talking to some other businessmen and she walked in his direction. Richard watched her go and he felt his heart leap with joy even as she returned to the man who took her home and to bed. He did not want to think about how they were to go on like this, his heart only thought that tomorrow he would get to be alone with her.

As the night continued Nell remained by Alec's side but after some time Luxor joined their party, Richard saw that whilst she chatted with him she did not show him the preferential treatment of the night before. In fact to any other person it would seem that she loved no other than Alec Hardiman, she took his arm, gave him affectionate touches and even kissed him on one occasion. Men looked at him in envy and though it was not easy to watch, Richard accepted it had to be done. But when Harry Warren joined their particular gathering with Nucky , Richard here saw the true gift of Alec Hardimans mediating and hosting skills for he appeared to keep them all happy or at best settled in one another's company. The night passed without incident aside from Richard's growing resentment against Warren and he tried to single out which of his men would have attacked Jimmy. But for Nell's sake he would not act yet, but act he would. Before the night ended Nell caught him and they arranged a time and place to meet and Richard went home with the same strange excitement he sometimes felt as a child.

The morning was clear, if a little cool but it did not matter. He dressed and made himself as smart as he felt he could be for her and then took the walk to their meeting place with light steps. He stood and waited for the exact time to approach, but she did not come. Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed and she still was not there. Finally after half an hour and much sorrow Richard realised she would not be coming and head bowed and body heavy he began to walk home. He had walked a few minutes when he heard a commotion behind him, at first he ignored it but it seemed to grow nearer to him. Stopping, he turned and saw that some person was rushing through the crowd and as he watched he saw it was Nell. In an instant the weight seemed to lift from him again and she emerged from the tangle of people and stood breathless in front of him.

"I'm sorry." She gasped. "I had to walk the last bit, or rather I ran. The car was being used and I didn't know how to get word. I just hoped you would wait long enough and then I saw you walking away. But I had no breath to shout so I just had to keep moving, you're very quick you know!"

As she babbled her explanation in a breathless panic Richard started to smile and at last when she had finished and she properly looked at him she caught him out. Her hand came out and she gave him a playful nudge and the touch seemed to make both of them flush. She took his arm and they walked briskly up the boardwalk until they reached the quieter end and without realising they passed somewhere beyond and ended up walking amongst quieter backstreets. It was a far cry from the relaxed, romantic place they had imagined where they could read together but they didn't care. Neither had said a word to each other since her apology, instead something seemed to build between them.

At last when all seemed quiet around them Richard snapped and pulled her round a quiet corner of a nearby building and tugging her to him he pressed her lips to his. For days on end he'd been desperate to kiss her, to hold her. Everything seemed to work against him and drive him mad with want for her and the minute his half exposed mouth touched hers it seemed to release itself slightly. His hands gripped at her waist and kept her possessively close to him and after a moment he felt her hands come up to grip the collar of his jacket and she murmured softly into his mouth. It wasn't ideal due to his mask but they weren't in a place where he could take it off and so their kisses were frustratingly shallow and after a time she pulled away.

"Richard." She said her voice different this time, her love for him perfectly evident and her accent thicker. Her hands went about his neck and she rested her forehead on his shoulder. He brought up a hand to stroke her hair and when she looked up at him again he kissed her forehead and down the side of her cheek slowly, his gentleness being able to filter through now the initial tension had been broken. The rest he compressed down for this was not the time for it.

"I thought about you all last night, I don't think I slept." She laughed, her hands smoothing down his collar and then running down his chest before resting there. "Do you know how blind they all are, how stupid? None of them have guessed… I think they imagine that because of your injury no one would think I would look at you… but I look at no one else."

Her hands came up to touch his face and she kissed him several times again.

"Jimmy is getting better. You should come back with me to see him. But he was talking to me a little about Angela…"

"He. Hmm. Never talks. About her."

"He asked me about Elsa and Luxor, about what happened. I mentioned about Betty and then he told me." She explained. "And I realised that is what would happen to me. Well it sort of did happen to me really."

Her tone had changed, her default mood returned and his heart started to run a little cold and he feared what she was going to say.

"This life. These places. You become in danger by association. It was one of the reasons Charlie gave Elsa to me and he took her from me for the same reason. He was worried she would be hurt because I was being protected by you and Jimmy…. And now I'm with Alec and he thinks that will spare me, give me some immunity but… showing us off how he does. Playing the part that I do… how long will that make me safe for?"

"Hmm. What are you. Saying?" He asked, impatient from fear though he did not let it show in his voice.

"I don't know. I just wish things were how they were. I want to be that young woman with my beaming girl beside me. But all that has changed…. I must change to… I've tried to create something to protect me from all this and I've walled myself up… but now I have the opportunity to change things but I have to start letting myself live again…"

In truth Richard had no idea what she was saying and what part he played in all of it. His hands loosened their grip and dropped to his sides and his face must have withered. When she looked at him again she seemed to realise this and she touched his cheek.

"You're the most handsome man I ever met. I remember telling you once you were the first I met who was kind with it."

"Hmm. How can you. Say that. When I have. This?" He said tapping his mask, her other hand came up to rest on the tin.

"The same way you think you can love me when I won't let you touch me?"

"I promised. Hmm. I would. Wait for you."

"But you're still waiting for Jimmy and you can't do both Richard. I am still waiting for Elsa and I'm waiting for you. But while we draw ourselves to one another the other people divide us, Alec, Jimmy, Charlie, don't you see that?"

"Hmm. Then what do. We do?"

"Make a decision."

"Have you. Hmm. Made yours?"

"I did before we went away together…"

"And. Hmm. How does it. End?"

"I'm only half sure. I know you think I push and pull from you, we do it to one another. But my end comes tonight, tomorrow I will have to be something else."

"Hmm. I don't understand." He said sadly, she came up and kissed him again, her arms wrapping around him desperately and he couldn't help but hold her to him. Somehow he felt this would be the last time he held her this way. It felt like she was saying this was the end and in a way he knew she was right. Jimmy and Elsa pulled them in different directions. If she stayed with him and he continued with Jimmy, continued to kill, perhaps one day he would come home finding her lying on the floor soaked in her own blood. Jimmy said he needed to go but Jimmy was in no fit state to be left. So tonight it really would end.

"Will you. Hmm. Dance with. Me tonight?" He asked, he would do this at least. Nell rested her hands on his shoulders and she smiled faintly at him.

"Of course I will."

**A.N **_**There should be another chapter later today too because I am going away over new year and I wanted to get these chapters done and out there. Thanks for the continued reviews, I'm glad you're liking the story. There is a resolution coming for these two don't worry, whilst it seems like I push them together and pull them apart. Hope you all had a lovely Christmas!**_


	20. Cracks

**Chapter 19**

**A.N **_**This is the last chapter to be posted this week as I'm going away. I think there will be only two or three more after this one. Enjoy and a Happy New Year to everyone!**_

The third night was the biggest yet, Alec had paid through the nose to secure Atlantic City's best group of chorus girl dancers and they had put on quite a show. Richard noticed several other well dressed looking women around but their profession was quite clear and further proven when they took men off at various points in the evening. But the entrance of the famous trio paled it all into insignificance. Tonight Harriet and Nell were both dressed in exquisite dresses of silver and gold, embroidered tastefully which shimmered under the lights of the large room that overflowed with people. The lust for merry making was at its most potent tonight and Richard resented it all.

He found the first opportunity to dance with Nell and he took great pleasure in asking her again. As they danced together she looked him in the eye the whole time but they barely said a word to one another. He could read somewhere deep in her pupils that she seemed to be memorising every bit of him, as though any minute he would disappear. It was only towards the end that he spoke to her, after kissing her with such vehemence earlier in the day he had thought about little else.

"How do. Hmm. You feel?" He asked.

"Like there shouldn't be anyone else in the room, just us." She laughed. "Then they wouldn't see how appalling I am at dancing tonight."

"You have. Something. Hmm. On your mind?"

"Earlier today, I didn't tell you…."

"Hmm. Tell me what?"

"Our little boy, I named him after you."

Richard felt himself flush with emotion and for a second he had to look down at the floor as it welled up into his eye.

"You remember I saw a man reported dead in the paper the other day…"

"Hmm. Yes."

"He was quite fond of me and I was… asked… told to oblige him once but… what Warren thought he was asking turned out to not be what he wanted. Do you understand?"

"He. Hmm. Made you do that?"

Nell nodded at him, her eyes looking unworldly at him. Richard looked from side to side, not wanting her to see the anger in his eyes.

"It was the final straw for Harry." Nell explained quietly. "It was what I think started my illness, though I admit had I not been pregnant I wouldn't have cared if I was alive or dead."

"Hmm. But here you are."

"Yes." She paused and pursed her lips with concentration, trying to form her words in her mind. "Harry Warren took a lot away from me and so has Charlie, but I realised today you give me everything and I only wish things had been different. I love you."

"I love you to."

"Then don't misunderstand anything you see tonight, remember whatever happens you're everything to me."

"But. Hmm. I can't have. You." Richard said sadly.

Richard wished he could kiss her but the dance came to an end and they stood looking at one another.

"You. Hmm. Are going. To find him. Aren't you?"

"I have to."

"What about. Hmm. Alec?"

"I have to hope he'll understand." She said quietly. "But even if he doesn't, he has Harriet."

Here they were interrupted as Alec himself came forward and drew them both into a familiar crowd of people. Richard took up a place by Harriet where he could converse easily but he was determined to stay close to wherever Nell went during the evening. He didn't trust any of these men and he needed to know one way or another what the future held.

Not long after Nell located Charlie Luxor and they danced together two or three times, Richard watched how gradually they fell into a mutual contentment and he again tried to understand. But his mind flashed back to her anger in the hotel room where she violently named him as one of the men responsible for ruining her life, her love for Elsa was limitless he thought for her to stomach even being near him. Luxor took her to one side after a time and so began the start of a climax no one expected that night.

"Can you tell me why Harry Warren continues to stare at me with such malevolence every time we talk together?"

Nell looked back over her shoulder at Warren who was across the room, Richard saw her face examine him then she started to smile wryly as she turned back to Luxor.

"Don't worry I think he scowls at me more."

"Why? I thought he threw you out."

"Perhaps he regrets his decision." She said, stroking a tendril of her hair, winding it round her fingertip hypnotically before letting it spring back whilst her face looked nonchalant.

"Undoubtedly but I am starting to grow tired of him involving me in this."

"If you must know he holds you responsible."

"Me?" Luxor laughed. "How?"

"After some months I discovered I was pregnant and it wasn't his, so of course who did he imagine the father was…"

"Harry Warren thinks I fathered a child with you?"

"Yes." Nell explained with a smile and at first Luxor looked at her in disbelief, then across at the still raging Warren and then he really did burst into a deep barrelled laugh. Richard's own humour could not be evoked by this interchange he overheard, instead he started to get an uneasy feeling.

"Did you never think to tell him that I wasn't?"

"To be fair Charlie, he never gave me the opportunity. He rather flew off the handle."

Charlie took her meaning and he looked graver than before almost annoyed, his hand went to rest on Nell's shoulder and her large eyes looked up into his sharp ones.

"There are many behaviours that don't become a man. That is one of them."

"Do not pretend you didn't imagine what my lot would be. You seem to forget that you were the one who sent me to him." She said slowly. "So whilst he may blame you for something that isn't true. I blame you for something quite reasonable."

"By all means blame me, I can't change anything now can I? But I am pleased that someone now takes care of you and shows you respect. You have never looked better, Betty would be pleased to see it." Luxor replied, his humanity seeming to come to the surface even if he did not apologise. But then his old familiar tone returned and smiling again he said. "But you did fall pregnant, I didn't know you had it in you to take such a risk. You were always such a shy little thing."

"A good man can have an interesting affect on a young woman's decisions."

"And he was a good man was he, this fellow?"

"The best." Nell said hoping Richard would hear that bit and not resent her for the rest.

"But where was he when all this was happening?"

"There was a moment of ill timing, and then it was too late."

"What about the child you had?"

"It died."

Luxor considered all he had been told then Richard saw that he once again looked across at Warren. The expression he wore was one of partial disgust and pride now and evidently this did nothing to appease Harry Warren's paranoia at being talked about. But Luxor's next words enraged Richard tenfold more than he imagined Warren felt.

"Perhaps it is all for the best."

Richard quaked with anger inside but as he looked at Nell's own expression he saw it did not change, not even her eyes and this worried him.

"There comes a time to put the past behind us." She replied and this made Luxor put out his hand and he led her to dance. For the entire duration they were remarkably close and they conversed and laughed quietly with one another and as Richard looked on he realised what decision she had made. After everything that had happened Eleanor Byrne had lost the fight and now only sought to fight her way back to Elsa and her only route was to give herself over to Charlie Luxor. He should have guessed from the beginning, once upon a time she would have been a young, green girl and Luxor had an exotic beauty like Betty Madden. But now Nell herself had grown into a disarmingly beautiful woman and that must be appealing to him.

Alec Hardiman came up alongside Richard and held out a glass of whisky to him, he saw the older man's hands were shaking somewhat and yet only his eyes betrayed pain. Richard wished Nell would at least look in their direction and see Alec, it might make her think twice about hurting him so publicly. But she didn't, her eyes were on her partner.

"She's lovely isn't she?" Alec remarked, taking a deep sip of his whisky. "I thought so even when she was ill and pale."

"Hmm. Yes. She is." Richard said but then looking across he spotted Harriet who talked and smiled at guests as any great hostess would, but her affections were clear. "But. Hmm. I must say. Harriet is. A very nice. Young woman."

"Yes. Yes. I am lucky beyond measure. But you see I rather thought I had the formula, I rather thought I'd made it. But look at her, she has never moved on from the minute he took Elsa from her. I think some women never really belong to you."

"She loved Elsa. Very much. Hmm. No mother. Could have. Loved her more."

"I can imagine. But… I thought she was kinder than this, wiser than this." Alec lamented.

"I would. Not. Make the mistake. Of letting. Eleanor's actions. Make you neglect. Harriet. She loves you."

"You're right." Alec replied as they both looked over at Harriet's grace and continued beauty. She was alive in this setting and her every move did Alec proud. Richard watched as the older man moved to her side and took one of her hands in both of his and kissed it. They were strangely happy together though he wasn't foolish enough to think that Alec's loving fixation with Nell had in anyway waned.

The dance ended and Luxor moved away and Nell did not follow, he had crossed the room when Warren came and met him and Richard watched closely. Their interchange seemed to quickly become heated, with Luxor appearing defiantly calm as Warren raged. Strangely most of the room continued with their own pleasure but Richard found himself moving nearer to the disruption. In the corner of his eye he saw Nell moving slowly through the crowd watching the pair, her eyes large and bright with some deep feeling. For a moment he contemplated what it was and then he recognised it, he had seen it in the eyes of many men Jimmy associated with, it was triumph. Richard now saw that this is what she wanted, she had wanted to provoke an argument between them both. That is what it all had been about. He neared enough to hear part of the breathy exchange.

"When we made that deal, I should have known you'd somehow cheat me." Warren growled.

"Warren, it was hardly a deal when I did all the work. You tried to scare her into going with you and that didn't work. So I took over, I got Darmody out of town thanks to Capone's help and I told her the situation and she did as she was told. I don't know how I cheated you. You got her didn't you? It is not my fault you don't have what is required to keep a woman like Nell."

"You made a fool out of me, you sent her to me imprinted with you."

Luxor looked at him in disbelief and almost amusement but he took a step nearer to Warren and eyed him up and down. Richard again looked for Nell, she was standing nearby somewhat hidden by a group of people, she looked angrier than he'd ever seen her as something inside began to rise from the surface.

"You were already a fool." Luxor said slowly. "But I do not wish to argue with you anymore. I have nothing to say."

Luxor started to walk away but Warren was far from finished.

"You don't think you're here because of yourself do you? You're here to be Rothsteins boy!"

Luxor turned on his heel but stood where he was and his facial expression spoke of wanting to obtain a resolution for himself.

"Harry, two years ago we made a deal and it was a mistake. I should have known that you couldn't keep a woman like Nell, you don't have it in you." As Luxor spoke Richard's gaze stayed only on Nell and he saw her face change, she was still angry but she seemed to now be hesitating. "She's a good girl and I'm only glad someone got her first and not you, because you never had her my friend and really that's what is hurting your pride not me. Just admit your mistake and move on, the rest of us do."

Nell must have predicted Warren's next move for Richard saw her fly out from her position as he pulled out his gun from his jacket. The following moment happened in a flash for as Warren's hand took aim, Nell ran toward him and using all her strength she pushed him. But the trigger was pulled and bullet hit its intended target for Charlie Luxor groaned and fell to the floor. The sound of the bullet silenced the music and the whole room stood in shock of the moment. Richard came forward as did a few others and they raised their own guns at Warren and his men. He took a second to see Nell herself on the floor, Warren having returned the force and thrown her to it. Alec came rushing forward and he looked first from Warren who still held out his gun, then to Luxor.

Nell scrambled towards her former friend across the floor and she looked him over, Harriet came to join her. It was then the crowd realised that he was not dead, the bullet that had been intended for his face had now hit him in the shoulder thanks to Nell's intervention. Alec ordered a group of men to show Warren and his gang out whilst he and others gathered round. Harriet helped Nell to her feet as two or three of Luxor's associates came forward and helped him. Richard would never forget the intense look of Nell as she stared down at Luxor but he did not know whether she was happy or disappointed. Luxor's eyes opened and all around saw it was at Nell he looked, at first his gaze was bewildered and vague but through the pain he started to interpret the look in her eye and he seemed to realise something new. His face turned pale and he looked weak as though her gaze shrunk him to something small and insignificant. Richard knew that she must have planned all along for Warren to shoot him, to punish him for the pain he had caused her.

His shoulder was bleeding heavily and Alec babbled some instructions to have him taken in the back room and have a doctor called. Luxor was carefully moved out of the hall. But at this moment neither Alec, Harriet and certainly not Richard seemed that concerned with Luxor for all their eyes fell on Nell herself. Something deep inside her seemed to have broken and her eyes flashed up at them all, looking from one to the other in a hardened gaze. At last they fell on Alec and Richard saw they looked almost black. None of them really knew her at all, not what had lain deep inside. The crowds started to clear and all around them the party was dying on the night it was meant to be at its greatest and it was she who had caused it.

But still Alec and Nell's eyes did not leave one another's and as every second past Alec's face seemed to grow redder and his anger rose within him, whilst Nell seemed to become more distant, looking beyond him. Harriet rushed to Richard's side and she whispered.

"Take her away for a while."

Richard nodded and he went over to Nell and spoke her name, for a split second she looked at him as though she knew none of them or where she was. She looked lost and bewildered and she looked down where a pool of Luxor's blood had formed. Richard had to take her arm and almost drag her away from the spot. The moment they stepped outside she seemed to come to a little but as they walked briskly from the spot Richard was less concerned with talking and just getting her as far away as possible.

Finally after fifteen minutes she stopped him and he realised she was breathless from the pace of their walk. In the moonlight he saw her face was deathly pale and her eyes held a watery glimmer that he had not seen for a long time. The look on her face seemed to say she was seeing everything for the first time but when she found herself looking at him everything seemed to become familiar.

"Where are we going?" She asked him quietly.

"Hmm. I don't know. Where would. You feel. Safest?"

"I have no idea."

"I can. Hmm. Take you. To my room. You can try and. Sleep."

For a moment they gazed at each other but at last she nodded and they began to walk towards his own humble lodgings though at a far less brutal pace. There was still no interchange between them and when Richard finally smuggled her through the door and they climbed the stairs he felt fear for the first time for he didn't know what was going to happen to her now. Things had in no way run as he had expected but part of him felt she had intended for some kind of revenge. She had planned it and she had manipulated every moment possible for it to happen, yet at the last moment she had run forward and tried to intervene. Did he really know her at all anymore?

When he closed the door behind them he only watched as Nell took in the dimly lit room that he called his home. The small bed, the bland wallpaper, the sparse furnishings. Her back was too him so he could not tell what she was thinking, instead he remained by the closed door. There seemed to be an unbearable silence that continued to grow for him and he felt his hands shake a little. Just when it seemed he could take no more of it she turned round and came close to him her hands reaching up and she took off his mask and placed it on a shelf nearby.

Her fierce kiss came out of nowhere, one moment she seemed not quite present and the next her hands were about his neck and her lips sought his. It was an assault that was filled with such intensity that it didn't take more than a second to snap Richard inside and he too gripped at her possessively and returned her kiss. He pushed her back against the wall and his hands took more of a hold of her than before as he barricaded her against him. But the more forceful he became the more she seemed to grow against him as everything long buried now seemed to be finding its way out of her. Her hands started to yank the jacket from his shoulders as his lips moved to kiss and nip at her jaw line, their mutual heavy breaths seeming to fill the room. For a few moments they clawed and kissed at each other until he felt her hands go to his belt buckle and in an instant she had freed him from them and taking one of his hands she pushed her dressed up to her waist and placed it on her thigh.

The next thing he knew he was lifting her up against the wall and entering her. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist and he held her hips as he pressed her weight into the wall. Both of them groaned as he slid into her and for a second his eye closed and his forehead rested against hers. This wasn't real surely? This wasn't happening. But he felt her hands grip at him and she said quietly.

"It's alright."

His mouth crushed itself to her and he began to move, not thinking about where they were or that there was a bed only a few steps away. To move or change other than they were might cause the spell to break and it seemed right now that what she needed was just him, nothing else. He pulled himself out and moved deep within her again, every thrust making her moan quietly against his shoulder. He concentrated on not frightening her with his intense emotions for this was a huge step for her to take after so long. Nell was seeking something she wanted rather than had to do and once again she had chosen him, that meant she trusted him and he would not hurt her. But as these thoughts flew through his mind trying to keep him focused she said.

"Don't hold back from me, I'm here."

Richard became a lost man and as he moved his pace seemed urgent though he was never brutal with it. The passion seemed to leak from her and soak into him and her hands knotted into his hair and she kissed him distractedly. His hips ground into her again and again and his body started to soar with pleasure, not only physically but from the fact that they were finally here again. He felt her starting to slip and he yanked her back up again ignoring the growing ache in his arms. As he looked at her face he saw that her eyes were locked with his and her swollen lips were parted. Richard wasn't sure where all this came from, for he had never imagined he would be making love with her like this, it seemed too primal and urgent but then it was. This was something they both needed here and now and that was his final thought before he surrendered himself fully to his body and not his mind.

The feelings of love and protection for her overwhelmed him and he grasped at her and kissed her distractedly barely aware of what he was doing. All the while the tension inside him built up and began to knot, he felt like he could combust and collapse for amidst the pleasure his body shook and tightend. Her arms slipped about his neck and she pulled him into an embrace so tight her face was buried in his shoulder and he in hers. Every new thrust made a moan escape their lips but he muffled them against her skin and he could hear her own and it made him euphoric.

Finally Nell's grip on him intensified and as he moved he felt her tighten around him until at last her hips seemed to surge upwards against him and she cried out into his shoulder, her fingers digging into the fabric so hard he felt it pinch his skin. But this brought his own release and it tore through him brutally and he half slammed her against the wall with his final thrust. A white light seemed to blind his eyes and yet all around him he could feel only her. For a second they remained wrapped tight around each other resting all their weight against the wall. Their hearts thundered and hammered in the ribcages and their breathing was ragged.

Then the ache came, his body shook and pulling his head back he gently placed her back down onto her feet, though she leaned against the wall for support. His body leaned against hers, the sweat sparkling in her hair and forehead. The pale pallor had gone from her face and the colour returned to her cheeks as the brilliance came back to her eyes and for the first time in two years it seemed like she was herself again. Making love to her had not cured her by any means but she must have known that something tonight would crack and release her from whatever had walled her up. The fact she was finally able to give herself to him just proved that fact.

As their breathing slowed he sought her swollen lips and kissed her gently as he was more accustomed to doing, his protective tenderness returned and that familiar need to show her every bit of love he could consumed him. It had been a long time since he felt this way, there were no barriers, nothing withheld, they were together. They smartened their clothes and then he led her to his bed and they lay on their sides looking at one another in almost disbelief until finally before they knew anymore they seemed to succumbed to slumber.


	21. Daylight

**A.N **_**Happy New Year to all! I hope the festive period was fun for you! Another chapter, I reckon I can maybe get this finished in two longer chapters and then it is finished. Let me know what you think.**_

**Chapter 20**

Richard Harrow often opened his eye at the start of a new day and found all dimly lit and gloomy around him. Even the morning rays were blocked somewhat in the top room of the boarding house in which he lived. His small window gave very little hopeful rays at the start of a new day, yet today it did not matter. In the faint light of the morning he opened his eye again, it was still early he could tell. But the sight that he first beheld was that of the woman he adored, the woman who fully returned to him last night. He found himself blinking several times to check that she was still there but there was no mockery, she lay opposite him sleeping. Her face looked removed from care and placid, there were no burdens and no hardships written across her features, she was just Eleanor Byrne. Richard reached out a hand and he stroked her hair back so he could see her better in the light of the room, they were both still practically fully dressed and he was glad for the room was chilly.

Nell's eyes opened suddenly when Richard touched her hair and the minute those deep pools met his her face broadened into a sleepy smile.

"Good morning." She murmured shifting herself back fully against the wall, inviting him to shuffle closer to her. Richard did just that and one of her arms wrapped around him as she burrowed herself into him. A sigh of happiness escaped his lips, he felt as light as air this morning, though he was aware that there were things still lurking in the back of his mind.

"Hmm. Hello." He replied kissing the top of her head. "Did you. Hmm. Sleep. Well?"

"Like the dead." She said and her head tipped upwards to look at him, his facial injuries shaded in the low light of the room. Her hand came up and she stroked the damaged side. "I have missed seeing you."

"Hmm. You have. Seen. Me. Many times."

"Not like this. I like that you don't have to hide from me. I miss you."

"Hmm. I've. Missed you. Too. You look. More like your. Old self."

"But the things I've done to get back here." She said, a fleeting look of sadness passing over her face that worried him. But she kissed the back of his hand. "I don't regret any of the things with you, don't worry. You'll never fully be lost to me."

"Never fully?"

"Jimmy."

"Hmm. What about. Him?"

"He needs you, until he doesn't I cannot have you. I'm not asking you to choose and I'm not asking you to leave him. All I'm saying is a day will come when things will change."

Nell's words made Richard pull back a little and think, a distancing glaze came over him as he thought over what she said. He must have been mulling over things for some minutes for she shook him a little to bring him back to her.

"Hmm. What about. Alec?"

"I've ruined him, he won't have me back and even if he does… I can't go back, things have changed."

Richard thought for a moment, but like once before when he asked her straight out about their child another question now posed itself.

"Why. Hmm. Did you. Save Luxor. Last night?"

"Elsa has no mother, she needs her father." Nell said sadly. "I couldn't watch that be taken from her."

"Hmm. But…" Here Richard hesitated, he thought he knew her original intention but somehow he felt it no longer mattered. Either way she was right, she had been the cause of 'ruining' Alec's final evening. It was his first stab at showmanship in Atlantic City, his first ridiculously ambitious party, Nucky had had a lot of faith in him. And what had happened? One powerful man had taken a shot at another over Alec's mistress. Yes she had ruined it, intended or not. "What. Hmm. Now?"

"Can we just stay for a while, I just want to stay with you. Out there is so horrible, it pulls us apart."

"But. Hmm. When we hide. Away it. Makes parting. Worse."

"Then, do you want me to go back?"

"Hmm. Not yet."

"But you just said…."

"Hmm. I. Need you. Here."

Richard looked at her, she was still in that exquisite dress from the night before which was now rumpled and creased from her sleep. He got up and left the bed and looked through some of his things. He handed her one of his clean undershirts and he jokingly suggested a pair of his trousers. Her hands were held out for them, she called his bluff and as she clambered off the bed he watched as she seemed determined to put both on.

"Is there any way we could get some water?" She asked.

Richard left and soon returned with a deep bowl of luke warm water and they stood before one another, each helping the other undress so that they could wash. Richard tried hard not to let the temptation of their nakedness get the better of him for something about Nell showed she needed to wash away some of last night. The final traces of her self imprisonment needed to be washed away. He watched as she freshened herself up, taking in her beautiful form though it did not escape his notice that she was a little thinner than before. He started to contemplate the last weeks and last night and when he came to the present again he found her dressed in what he had offered her.

"You looked distracted, I thought I had better get dressed."She said tracing a finger down his chest. "I don't know where your mind is."

Richard caught her wrist and brought it close to him, tugging her a little nearer, his face was serious for there was something he needed to ask her.

"Last night. Hmm. I didn't hurt. You did. I?"

Nell slipped her arms about his neck and pulled him into an embrace, he felt her warm breath tickling the skin of his shoulder and her breasts mould into his chest through the fabric. The fresh soap smell mixed with her own everyday scent seemed to intoxicate him and this made him immediately betray himself to her.

"Of course you didn't." She said low into his ear, her hand slipping down and she stroked him gently making a small moan escape him. "But as you remember Mr Harrow, I run a strict ship and not another thing until I've got you fit to be seen. Even if it's just me who's seeing you!"

She had an impish grin on her face, a look he realised he'd never really seen her have at all before. When he first met her she was fairly innocent in some things, everything was new, love, fear, desire and even the wants of her body. But now she was a woman he made happy, who to an extent was letting go of some of the past and with him she felt secure enough to show herself.

Nell was very thorough in washing him and yet she took opportunities to teasing stroke his skin in sensitive areas that made him shiver with anticipation. Then when he shaved she perched on the edge of his desk and watched him with fascination. Only when he was as scrubbed from head to toe as she did she slip her arms around him and press her lips to his. Richard responded by pulling her to him and holding her there possessively.

"What about your landlady?" Nell whispered playfully but Richard didn't answer and instead he backed her up to the bed and seated her on the edge of it. He soon took off the clothes that she had only just recently put on and then he lowered himself on his knees to do what he'd been dying to do for such a long time. In truth when he had first met Nell he was only slightly more experienced than she, but in these latter months with Violet she had once or twice asked him bluntly if he knew what to do and when he looked hesitant she had instructed him.

When he looked up at Nell, slowly parting her legs he saw that she looked slightly worried deep in the recesses of her eyes. She who forever reassured him whenever they grew intimate now seemed afraid and he reached up and kissed her gently before saying.

"Hmm. It's alright."

"It's just… there were times when… I'm sorry…" She said hesitantly but swallowing hard she felt his hands start to stroke up her inner thighs as he seemed to look right into her. Richard watched as she nodded and when his fingers and mouth started to tease and pleasure her he could barely contain himself. At first Nell's hands fisted the bed clothes but he soon felt them slide into his hair as soft sighs became moans of his name as she tried to keep herself from crying out loudly. Richard felt her legs start to tremble and as the pleasure seemed to become acute he felt the pressure of her hands try to force his head away. Nell likely didn't want him to stop, but this was a new experience to her or certainly new to the point where she was actually enjoying it. But Richard brought up his hands and took hold of her wrists firmly, not hurting her but meaning she could not halt him in the final stages of making her soar as much as she had him in the past. Despite the slight awkwardness due to his injury, Richard had learned a way of performing this and as he worked her towards her climax he could hear the struggle further in her voice to stifle her cries.

At last she shuddered against him, her final cry muffled by some means and Richard let go of her wrists and brought his hands to her hips and he stroked circles with his thumbs as she calmed. Finally he looked up at her, her face flushed and her eyes watery but his eye was drawn to her lip which was bleeding. He got up and taking one of the wash clothes he wiped his own face then brought the other to dab against her lip.

"You're bleeding." Richard said quietly.

He seated himself on the bed beside her and delicately cleaned up the small trickle. The water in her eyes sparkled, making the green pools shine like emeralds. Her chest heaved and she exhaled heavily all the while looking at him like he was something new. The bleeding soon stopped.

"It's alright, it doesn't hurt. I just got caught up in the moment." She whispered and then her hands pushed him so his back was against the wall. Richard knew where this was going, this had happened before and right now he burned for nothing else. The sounds she had made had brought his own desire to such a painful point if she didn't release him from it he thought he would burst. Nell came and seated herself on his lap and sunk down onto him, his hips instinctively surging upwards with need to meet her. For a second her eyes closed and through his desire he watched her, then when they reopened they seemed even darker and she lifted her hips before grinding down back onto him.

"Do you remember this from before?" She said as she repeated the action and then again. She moved teasingly slow, taking him deep within her every time. "I've never forgotten any of it."

Her eyes were fixed on his as she spoke and she continued to move whilst holding his gaze. It seemed to make him feel ten times more and on her third or fourth movement, coupled with her words he couldn't help but groan and he pulled her chest to his and kissed her. Their kisses were intense and matched the drag of her hips as she moved against him. There was no rush, the pace was ideal for now, it allowed them both to explore one another with their hands and lips as they moved together.

This was enough for some minutes but then as something built inside Richard he realised he needed more, he needed to do more for her, he felt he could never do enough for her. As he looked in her eyes again he saw this same need for more reflected and lifting her hips he pushed her back onto the bed before entering her again. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he brought his knees up so he could make deeper, fluid movements within her and still be close to her. As he resumed kissing her lips, throat and collar bone his hips moved in a regular rhythm that had Nell arching up against him until finally she was sobbing his name into his shoulder.

When he brought her to the brink a second time her hands and legs had wrapped around him mercilessly and when he himself came inside her he had to burrow his face into the crook of her neck to muffle his cry of release. Then they just laid there for what seemed like an endless amount of time, her fingers gently stroking up and down his back as their limbs relaxed and breathing slowed. When Richard thought about how possessed he seemed to become because of her he wondered if he was mad. As someone who hadn't really loved anyone other than his sister he found himself intoxicated by this love and having had such an ordeal trying to keep Nell it only made it stronger. How he should like to take out his gun and kill any of those who had hurt her and those who made him jealous because they had had her. But no, that was not the kind of man he wanted to be, he needed to move away from that or else he would lose her forever.

Some hours later they had dressed yet remained huddled together on the bed reading as was one of their favourite things to do together when Richard was called down because of a visitor. It was Harriet.

"Hello Richard." She said looking tired. "Is Nell with you?"

"Yes. Hmm. She is upstairs."

"How is she?"

"Hmm. She is better. After. A nights. Sleep."

"I need her to come back with me. Alec wants to see her… and… I shouldn't be saying this but… I think you need to find your friend Jimmy."

"Is he. Hmm. Not at the house?"

"No. He left early this morning. He can only just move about but… he was rather determined. I'm worried, he and Alec talked last night and I… I would feel easier if you went and found him."

Richard nodded and he watched as she looked at the floor trying to hold back the tears. His hand instinctively came to her shoulder as some form of comfort.

"Hmm. I will. Come with Nell. First. She is. Frightened. I will not. Leave her."

"Very well." Harriet said trying to smile. "You have always been a good friend to her."

"Hmm. I love her."

"I know. I've known since we met you."

"Hmm. Have you. Told Alec?"

"No. It's not my place to tell him anything." Harriet explained and her hand took Richard's. "Things have turned quite bad, I think it's best you come with us."

For the first time that day Richard Harrow's heart lurched and he shuddered, as he looked at the careworn, devoted Harriet his mind went to Nell upstairs and Jimmy somewhere in Atlantic city. Nell was right, things would have to change and now they were on the edge of the chasm.


	22. Truth

**Chapter 21**

Richard walked close to Nell as they approached the grand house he had become a frequent visitor to in recent weeks. At one of the downstairs windows he spotted Alec watching the three of them return but his expression gave nothing away to warn or console Richard's internal nervousness. Here is where the line would really be drawn and somehow it frightened him. Nell quickly dashed upstairs to change and Harriet worked to compose herself.

"This is the end of it all." She said quietly.

"Hmm. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's no ones fault. Bad blood will out."

"Hmm. I am pleased. Alec. Will still have. You. To take care. Of him. No one. Could be. Better. For him." Richard said, touching her arm and trying to console her.

"No." She replied with a sniffle. "It's kind of you but… Nell kept us all together somehow. Without her it will fade. He loves her far more than he loves me."

They spoke no more and soon Nell returned, she offered Harriet an embrace and she kissed her cheek but not a word passed between them. With a parting look Harriet left them to go upstairs and they approached the door of Alec's study. Richard could feel the slight tremble in Nell as she took his hand and she said quietly.

"Whatever happens in here, whatever he says or does don't step in."

"Hmm. I won't. Let him. Hurt you."

"It's going to hurt all round Richard." She said flatly and then placing her hand on the door handle she opened the door steadily and they took their first steps into the lions den. Alec was still stood gazing out the window, his hands clasped behind his back but Richard noticed the large glass of whisky on his desk and the photographs of Nell and Harriet all spread around it.

"It was good of you to look after her Richard. As always I can count on you." Alec said, turning at last and his tone friendly though somewhat business like. He picked up the glass and gulped a mouthful of the spirit. "You're friend Jimmy left here this morning. I think he's eager to meet up with his young lady… as I've been eager to meet up with mine."

At his words Nell came forward and stood in front of him, Richard watched as their eyes met and how Alec seemed to shrink a little from the sadness of beholding her.

"Mr Luxor is alright, the doctor said the wound is clean and with rest it will heal fully within a few months. He's on his way back to New York already."

"He is?" Nell said somewhat surprised. "I thought his injury was a lot worse."

"Perhaps he did not wish to encounter Mr Warren again." He said flatly. "So let's hear it…"

"What would you like me to say?"

"That you're sorry."

"Of course I am. I am sorry for any pain I cause you. I did not wish to ruin the evening and I hope Mr Thompsons faith has not been lost because of me."

"You wish a great deal more than is possible. But you caused me pain before that shot was fired, but I was to blame. I've been a fool."

"You did not think you could put these men in front of me and that all would be well surely?" She asked with a heavy sadness.

"I imagined your coldness was armour enough. But then I saw you with him and it all became obvious… I was as mad and jealous as Warren only I did not pull out a gun."

"But surely you… you don't think that I was making a play for Charlie do you?"

"Nell, I'm no fool. Everything you have lost links back to him, Elsa, your baby, all your pain. He was the only remedy, people can't help loving where they do I suppose…"

"Alec I've never been in love with Charlie… I thought you knew that. He was the lover of my best friend and it's true we had a bond of trust where he let me take care of his daughter but…. Beyond that the only thing right in what you have said is that he has caused me a lot of pain." Nell explained and Richard watched as she seemed horrified by his misunderstanding. But even Richard himself was never fully sure, but then he got his answer. Alec slammed the glass down onto the desk making Nell jump, he looked desperate.

"Then why?"

Nell looked at him wide eyed, her lip trembled a little and her hands gripped together tightly.

"For the very thing that occurred last night."

Alec was now the one who looked stricken, the blood seemed to drain from his face and Richard could hear his breathing quicken.

"You meant for that to happen?" He said slowly, his voice barely audible.

"I intended worse." She said.

The slap across her face came so suddenly it caught Richard off guard and he saw how it sent Nell reeling a little to the side. It was a heavy blow but her reaction made Richard see she must have expected it for it did not knock her off balance as much as he expected. Instinctively he took a step forward to defend her but one of Nell's hands came out to stop him whilst the other cupped her cheek. Alec was panting and pale but somewhere in his eyes beyond his angry expression it was clear he could not believe what he had just done. Yet his anger was what drove him now.

"You stupid girl!" He said running a hand over his now perspiring face, his voice cracking. "Do you have any idea what you could have done?"

"Yes." Nell replied calmly, resuming her previous composed position, ignoring the throbbing in her cheek. "But like I said what part of you thought you could place them both before my eyes and think all would be well? I'll tell you why, business. All these pictures, all this adoration, it means nothing. You might love me, but you didn't love me enough to spare me…. To spare me being confronted by one man who forced me into the path of another who brutalised me. Both of them took my children away from me, they both used me till I was no longer necessary. I realised a few days ago that you were doing the same, you just didn't know it yet."

He hit her again and this time Richard could not stand back, he came forward and he stood between Alec and Nell. Alec was a little shorter than Richard anyway, but feeling protective Richard seemed to double in size and Alec took a step back.

"I am nothing like them." Alec replied sadly.

"Hmm. Then why. Am I. Stood here?" Richard asked him. But Alec now seemed not to see Richard, he looked through him still at Nell.

"Why did you try and stop Warren then?"

"I did not want Elsa to be without her father, whatever he is."

"You sacrificed everything for a child."

"You sacrificed me for everything." She replied. "Warren assumed enough to make him an easy target for Charlie's humiliation. He thought like you, that I'd had an affair with Charlie and got pregnant, when I told Charlie this it gave him the method. Now he has a bullet in his shoulder. Two great men both had their pride wounded. I thought I wanted more after everything but… maybe I couldn't take the guilt that comes with it…"

Alec laughed, he really laughed. His back turned from the pair and he walked a few steps away. This gave Richard opportunity to come and examine Nell closer and he saw the large red marks slowly starting to bruise on her cheek. He wanted to turn and strike out at Alec, the violent anger within him to protect her from him raged but then the green of her eyes caught his. She lightly shook her head as though she knew what he was thinking but then she stepped around him and moved nearer to Alec again.

"I'm ruined here, Nucky won't want this fiasco repeated. Still there was always the danger, big fellows in one space." As Nell and Richard looked they saw Alec's eyes sparkled with tears though he did not cry. He looked broken. "And I've worked to even the score."

"What do you mean?" Nell asked, the drop in her voice made Richard uneasy.

"It didn't seem fair that Warren got to walk away from all this, not after what he did to you. I do love you, I want justice for you."

"Alec… what did you do?" Nell demanded, her voice becoming strong as did her frame, whilst Alec only withered further.

"Jimmy." Richard said behind her, the horror and realisation hit him. Jimmy had long had a score to settle with Warren right back to when his men first attacked Richard. Now with his mind being in a state and a beating of his own he was the ideal candidate to seek some retribution from Warren. Richard came forward and his anger emanated from him so violently Nell seemed to shrink back a little. He invaded the older mans space and his gaze was hard upon Alec's face, since Alec's first strike Richard's temper had been flaring or maybe it had been building for longer. This was the man who asked him to take away his mistress to lure her back into sex for his benefit, imagining that she could not build any emotional attachment to Richard that would make him a threat. How wrong he was.

"Hmm. I am. Going to find. Jimmy. But if I. See. You again. And anymore. Has been lost. I cannot. Account for. Myself."

Richard looked as his meaning penetrated the old man's anger and self pity and Alec nodded at him clearly frightened. He turned abruptly and looked at Nell a moment, his love for her trying to permeate his anger and concern for Jimmy but it could not at this moment.

"Hmm. I have to. Go."

"I know. I told you so." She said nodding at him sadly. "This is where it all ends Richard…."

Richard wanted to stay and contradict her but in truth he was petrified it was already too late and he left the room and with every step he took that neared him to Jimmy he knew he was moving further from her. She had been right, whilst Jimmy needed him he could not be with her. Both of them had witnessed it before when Angela and Betty had fallen victim to the two tiered life. Nell was free now and he would not put her life at risk however much he loved her.

It took him a day of searching to find Jimmy and when he did it was with a great sense of relief. Warren had wisely returned to Philadelphia in the night and Jimmy was in no fit state to travel. Instead he had sought out Jenny and finding her lodgings had been the difficult part. His friend was drunk and bed bound but as he watched Jenny tend to Jimmy, Richard realised she was perhaps not as bad as he thought. She clearly cared about Jimmy and he had underestimated that, but together and in good health they led a toxic lifestyle.

When Richard returned to his rooms he longed to sleep, he could not think of anything else at that moment as he fraught with emotion. As he looked towards the bed where they had slept and made love together he hardly believed all that had happened since. Was she safe now? Was she still at Alec's house? There was likely still so much to be said but at that moment he just could not do anymore. Laying upon the mattress, his eye was closed and he was soon asleep.

The knock that roused him was like a bell tolling and when he groggily opened the door and once again saw Harriet standing there he knew it wasn't going to be good. Harriet looked paler and in her hand she held an envelope, this was the moment he thought, this was when misery would hit him like a blow to the head. Richard didn't think he could bear it again.

"Hmm. Where is she?"

"She's gone. She took a few things and just went…"

"Hmm. I'm sorry." He said. "What happened?"

"Alec gave her a letter Luxor had written, I don't know what was written on it but she went mad. I took Alec for some air so she could read it in peace and when we came back his study was on fire. The maid said she was sobbing and had tore up all the photographs of her and thrown them on the fire before she left. It had overflowed the grate… it wasn't too much damage but… she just left a note briefly for me and asked me to bring this to you…"

Harriet's voice was shaky but she was clearly battling to stay composed, Richard wanted to comfort her but something in him sensed that was not what she wanted. She wanted to stay strong.

"I think…" She continued. "Part of her hoped… maybe… because she helped Luxor that he might…."

"Hmm. Let her see. Elsa."

"Yes. But he won't will he? I think she has finally realised she will never see her again."

"Hmm. I met. Nell. When she. Looked after Elsa. No one. Loved a child. More."

"And her other child… the baby she lost… was that yours?"

Richard nodded and suddenly he found it hard to look into her face, he somehow felt deceitful.

"Hmm. Does. Alec know?"

"Yes. She told him."

"Hmm. I am sorry. For some things. But. No one. Should have. Supposed she. Would belong to. Them."

Harriet came forward and kissed his cheek and he saw her wipe a tear from her eye. He took the letter that she offered him.

"Goodbye Mr Harrow. You are a very good man."

"Goodbye Harriet." He replied and he watched as she descended the stairs and disappeared from his view. Retreating to his bed again Richard sat on the edge of it and slowly opened the letter. He dreaded its contents for he knew it would be the end, the words were brief and he read them several times.

_I've gone, I had too but I'm not quite sure where yet. I will write when I have an address, it shouldn't be long. Wait for me and don't doubt me. I love you so much, thank you for being here always._

_Nell_

Perhaps it was not quite the end.


	23. Epilogue

**A.N So this is the end for Nell and Richard's story, I may write a oneshot or two about their future if people would like but long stories for them are at an end. Thank you two my two wonderful reviewers and to anyone else who read this. It's really made me happy to see how some people have enjoyed it.**

**Epilogue**

Richard scanned through the pages of his scrapbook, remembering all the things he fantasised and longed for since he returned from the war. Once upon a time they'd seemed like far distance dreams and then he had met Nell, only to lose her, twice. His eye looked over the photograph of what he once was and his dear friends picture of his reality and when he turned the page it was the symbol of when his own life had turned. There was Nell, captured wonderfully by Angela and by her side was the drawing of Elsa. Richard gave a moment to think of her, he hoped she was happy and that her father treated her better than he seemed to treat everyone else.

His fingers flicked through several more collage pages until they rested on the most recent additions. It had been six months since he had last seen her, six months of separation. In darker moments he hated himself for leaving her standing there, her cheek bright red and in the company of the man who struck her twice. He had left her for his friend, the one person who had never left him and what was his reward? Night after night alone in his little room waiting.

The first letter had come three weeks after she left, he had stuck it in the centre of a fresh page. The paper was crisp and white, the curl of her writing smooth and the address contained within it was heavenly. Yet he did not rush to that place, he could not, Jimmy needed him. Many times Nell had asked him to wait for her and now underneath the neat address were words that made him hope again.

_All my love my darling. I'm here waiting, come when you are ready._

Richard smiled to himself, remembering how those words lifted him from the bleakness of uncertainty for she had kept her promise. Turning the page he glanced over a small photograph that had pride of place in the centre just like the letter. It had arrived after an exchange of two or three letters between them. Nell's friend and previous photographer Bailey has taken it and Richard was amazed how well the real Nell had been captured within it.

He was happy to see her hair was growing longer and it settled beautifully around her face and flowed to her shoulders but it was not identical to the girl he first met all those years ago. She looked quite her own again, not the Nell of old, nor the Eleanor who bewitched men at parties, just herself. For long periods of time Richard would stare at the photograph when he was at home, he dared not take it on journeys in case it became damaged. It was his only window to her apart from the letters.

As the letters followed he started to feel jealousy, Nell was now being used as a model for an exhibition of Bailey's that was being shown in New York and perhaps on to Paris. Part of him must have given this away in a letter for when he received her next instalment she explained that Jo Bailey was a woman with a very obliging and encouraging husband. That was the first time Richard felt able to laugh at himself, if anything at least he knew he loved her.

There came a point after 5 months where she had broken in her writing and for two weeks he had no word. It was during a busy period with Jimmy and whenever returning home he hoped to see a letter but none came. Then at last the sight of her handwriting made his heart leap and she had explained she had been ill but nothing serious, she only required rest. In return he wrote the news that Harry Warren had been found with his throat slit from ear to ear and that from what he was aware Alec Hardiman had retired to Boston not long after with Harriet. They never mentioned either of them again.

Now as Richard sat looking over the past, the pages ran empty, he had nothing new to put in them. Closing the book he looked around the room which was now barer than ever. His few suits were packed and his few positions gathered together. They all rested at his feet. But for a few moments he wanted to sit and consider all that had happened for he never wanted to be in the situation again.

Richard's decision to leave had been made for him, Jimmy married Jenny suddenly and they up sticks to Chicago to work full time with Capone. Richard had offered to join them but a firm hand had gripped his shoulder and Jimmy had spoken the best words he had ever offered Richard.

"_We need to travel different roads now Richard, you need to go away from me, it's time."_

Jimmy refused to be given Nell's address should Richard ever need him, he was doing the best for Richard by cutting the ties. It seemed after all this time Jimmy decided if he was to rise or fall, it was best for Richard to not be a part of it. At first he struggled with this, tormenting himself with the prospect of further guilt but then something seemed to click into place and he resigned himself to the parting of the ways.

Richard had shared one last drink with Jimmy an hour previous, they had toasted his marriage and to Richard's future one. As the pair looked at one another for the last time, a glance like the one which had started their journey together now brought it to an end, except somehow they both were smiling in their own way. Richard had sent a letter ahead of him and yet part of him hoped he could surprise her.

Yet surprises come in strange forms, Nell met him at the station having waited two hours only guessing what time he was due to arrive. The sight of her nearly knocked him down, she was fresh and blooming, the most beautiful he'd ever seen her. There were no cares in her face and those ever big eyes entranced him with their emerald sheen. But that was not all for as he approached her he noticed something else. She was pregnant.

Was she always to be like this? Never telling him the whole truth, part of her always strange to him? He hoped this revelation would be the last one but he could not be angry with her. Something in his face betrayed itself and her first words to him tried to explain.

"So here you are. We're ready now aren't we? I wasn't going to force you to come away, I needed it to be your decision."

Richard looked at her and nodded stepping forward to place a kiss onto her forehead. Nell slipped her hand through his arm and together they left the station, melting into a crowd and for the first time they were just like everyone else.


End file.
